Special Journey

Episode 36's

"Afiifa..." A voice foreign to me. I looked up to see the owner of the voice.

"Doctor Please!" I ran into Sila's arms, I was fucked.

"Calm Afiifah, calm down! " Doctor please rub my back.

"She's my only daughter Sil." My tears began to wash down Sila's shoulders, "Yusuf told me once that you had a daughter."

I'm stretching my arms." How is Joseph?" I'm steady Please expectantly.

"I'll have surgery soon after the magrib, there's just a little bleeding around his brain, pray Yusuf's fine Fah." Please wipe the tears on my cheeks.

"Come, I'll accompany you in." Please pull my hand.

"No Sil, Doctor Aiman asked me and the others to stay here." I held my body from the pull of Sila.

"What happened to Kia?" Sila's eyes widened.

"He's spasming Sil!" No matter how much Sila wiped my tears, she would continue to flow in and out.

"What's wrong, if you want to accompany Kia I'll bring you in, Doctor Aiman is also my best friend." Please hold both my shoulders.

I'm nodding. I don't know... I think my hopes are starting to fade for Kia. I want to accompany the final moments of Kia's breath.

They looked busy, not only Doctor Aiman, beside him there was another Doctor complete with scrub suits greennya, looks a little blood stain on the bottom of the.

"Nil..." Doctor Aiman looked surprised by the presence of Doctor Sila and I.

"Sori..." Doctor Please slap both hands in front of his chest, "He's my friend." Doctor Sila broke her head towards me, while approaching Doctor Aiman and noisy in his ears, I don't know what they're talking about. Replied with the surprised expression of Doctor Aiman.

"Innalallahi... Later I will look at Him Sil." that's what I heard after Doctor Sila and Doctor Aiman stretch.

"Spo2 is starting to come down Ai." The doctor I didn't know his name turned to see Dr. Aiman, who was staring at the monitor without boredom.

"Ready Dobutamine!" Doctor Aiman's orders on the care in charge.

"No need for a doctor. Just let go of Ett. I've been willing to take Kia off." I who had been drowning in Sila's arms, unconsciously held Doctor Aiman's hand. I know Kia's condition is very bad.

Not giving up or wanting to shorten Kia's life. It's just that I know that 30% of what Dr. Aiman said has now changed, and there's not even a small chance that Kia will survive. I don't want Kia to suffer more with the ETT hose in her mouth.

"You sure?" Doctor Aiman looked at me, as if in doubt. I'm nodding. "please call your other family." Doctor Aiman changed the one who originally stood to a sitting position.

"Do I need a DNR signature first? If need be, I'll sign first, then I'll call my family." I wiped away the tears that were hindering my vision.

"Prepare the DNR file." Doctor Aiman's orders again.

**-

The oxygen level in Kia's body is decreasing, it can be said we are just waiting for the last seconds of Kia's breath. Da... No action was taken, but I decided to cancel the release of the ETT hose from Kia's mouth.

I wiped Kia's pretty face, this will be the last time I look at Kia. Many times I kissed part of Kia's body.

"I'm sorry dear Mom, forgive Mom who can't be a good Mom for Kia. I'm sorry I made Kia suffer." I gently caress Kia's thick black hair.

It's really heavy. Really sick. Half my soul is gone.

"Wait for Mom in heaven baby. I'm sure Kia will be happy with God. I'm already ridho son, go quietly baby. It's okay, I'll always pray for Kia. Mom's promise... I will remember and love Kia all my life." Sometimes I wipe tears from my cheeks. My eyes are already feeling very hot. But these tears still refused to stop.

"Darling... Sorry grandma and atok, can not take care of Kia well, we also promise will always make Kia live in our hearts dear. Go away quietly." Father and Mother kissed Kia's entire smooth cheeks in turn, slowly moving away giving Fariz and Nisa a gap to get closer. They look very fragile. I know, Dad and Mommy's love for Kia is limitless. The whole world of this.

"Om Fariz and Sister Nisa also love Kia son, Kia tau... In Nisa's belly there's gonna be a sister." Fariz stroked Nisa's flat stomach. "Didn't Kia want a little brother? If he is born... Om Fariz and Kak Nisa promise, will know him about Kia, make him know, if he ever had a sister who is very beautiful and smart. We're gonna make baby sisters know Kia even if they never see Kia, son." Fariz and Nisa strengthen each other. I know they love Kia too. I never doubted that.

"I'm sorry about Fariz. Om Fariz can't protect Kia." Fariz kissed the top of Kia's head following Nisa who did the same.

"Goodbye Unfortunately sister Nisa, great child, intelligent child, sholihah child." Nisa stroked Kia's cheek.

The sound of the monitor wall began to weaken. Spo2 Kia begins to decline, followed by slowed breathing.

Broken my heart. Can I really let go of Kia?

Want me to ask God to extend Kia's life, at least until she can get Haikal's affection, or if it's impossible until Kia can call Joseph Father.

I want to feel like I gave up. Want me to accompany Kia to the Creator. Want me to be selfish to keep Kia by my side. But I know, Kia's a deposit. God is the true owner of Kia.

"Rest in peace and quiet, dear. Occasionally come in your dreams, so you can treat a little longing in the heart of Mom, son." I kept staring at Kia. It's getting paled. It was as if without blood flowing through his entire body.

This is God's destiny for me and for Kia.

Flat monitor screen. Plet. Kia's heart rate stopped. Auxiliary tools can no longer help Kia's lungs to expand.

Our crying sounds broke. Even this world feels broken, in the middle of nowhere. One goal of my life was destroyed, being the best mother for Kia. My body collapsed on the floor.

Where should I lean?

Please hold me tight. "Cila... Kia finally returns to her owner Sil. God took his place without giving me any longer. Should I be selfish to be angry with God?" I shed my tears. Even hard, as hard as it is.

"Fah's standing, the floor's cold, you need to be healthy to get Kia to her final rest. Strengthen your heart." Please guide me to stand up and come back to hold me tight.

"The patient in the name of Syakia Aisyah, has passed away. Friday, 14 July 2021 at 16.06 Wib. Faced with family, doctors and nurses." Kia's departure has been made clear.

"I've really lost it Sil." Sila's shoulder is still my back.

"According to my condolences Fah, believe me Kia is a good boy, everyone loves him. Kia will be waiting for you in paradise." Please still hold me.

One by one the hoses attached to Kia's body began to be removed. Kia's tiny body began to tidy up, slowly closing in.

"As soon as God loves me to take Kia from me." I don't know who I'm talking to. "Is this how God punishes me for all the sins I have committed? Or is this really the way God made me to be closer to Him?" Maybe I'm more likely to ask myself.

"Only the great woman whom God chose to accept His trials, be thankful... God chose you. That means God believes you're capable." Doctor Aiman came closer to me. "I am so sorry Mom, may your child be a savings in the future, which brings the Mother the depth of God's heaven."

I left the room that witnessed Kia's departure. Following Kia's body which has been returned with an ambulance.

"Sil, don't tell Joseph Kia's departure, let him focus on his recovery first, no matter how close Joseph and Kia are, let alone Kia having an accident while with him, let alone Kia having an accident while with him, I don't want Joseph to feel guilty, to the point of interrupting his recovery." I looked at Sila Lekat. There was hope in my eyes that Sila might save Joseph, of course, by God's permission.

"Wish to help Joseph, Fah! Of course, by God's permission." Please come back to hug me, "You can be strong Fah, Aiman is right you are truly the wonderful woman God chose. Maybe God wants you to get closer to HIM. Keep prejudicing Fah."

"Thank you Sil, even though you've met twice, you've behaved like an old friend. Thank goodness I know you." I began to stretch out our arms. "alright, I'm home. May Joseph's operation be smooth Sil."

***

"This afternoon is all right, Dad." When Dad asked if Kia would be buried tonight, or tomorrow waiting for Haikal and his family from Jakarta.

I don't want to wait. Maybe they will not attend, because I repeatedly sent messages via whatshapp, messenger, Instagram but there was no answer from them, from Haikal and his family, including both ex's taking care of my parents.

The more painful my wound, how unfortunate Kia's life, even in the end of her breath she did not get love from her biological father, even her grandparents who used to seem to love her was no longer concerned.

Half a year we've been separated, but only a few times my ex-meet stopped me to ask Kia.

Let alone a living, the love that was not capitalized was not willing to give Haikal to Kia, proven since my departure and kia even though Haikal had never contacted Kia.

Perhaps God did not want Kia to suffer for too long, so God had to take Kia and bury Kia's sorrow with him.

All kinds of preparations are done.

Almost midnight Kia is buried. Slowly but surely, the grains of soil began to cover Kia's body. Disappeared. The prayer is so solemn.

One by one they left Kia's resting place. My dear kia.

The darkness of the night did not make me shudder to continue to stay longer in Kia's circle. I want to accompany Kia here. In reality, Ridho is not an easy matter. Losing Kia made me fragile.

Maybe this is God's rebuke to me?

May God show me that all I need is HE the substance that owns the universe?

Is this a sign of God's love or a rebuke for all my sins and sins?

"We're home, son, Kia's calm." Mother patted my shoulder. Removing me from this emptiness.

"Darling...!" He lifted both my shoulders, becoming my strength to stand and step.

"Who Malang live Kia bun, in the end his life was no longer met with Haikal mas." I looked around. "let's see, Bun... Look, even here Kia is separated from the other tombs." Da... Around the tomb Kia was still empty. There is only Kia eating alone which is almost 50 meters from left-right eating.

"There is God, there is God with Kia. Believe me, you are happier with God. Doesn't Afiifa want Kia to always be happy?"

"Let's go home son, Istighfar... Please forgive and have strength in God." I could only look at the flat wooden chunks that were stuck out of the mound of earth that read Kia's name.

Nyalongsor. My body collapsed again.

Now this is the only writing I can hold. I kissed slowly.Not again the adorable tiny little body Kia. "Mom's coming home, baby, I'm sorry, mommy's sorry."

The focus of my hand on the noble Kia man stretched out. I have my tears many times. Gradually, slowly, longlai... My noble feet are stepping away. Sometimes I turn my head back. It is a great test of God today.

***

"Riz! How is Joseph?" Father approached Fariz who was gently stroking the top of Nisa's veil on his lap.

I looked up, waiting for an answer from Fariz. I forgot that Yusuf had already run the operation, "Alhamdulillah smoothly Well, but still waiting for Bang Satria realized that he could only be relieved." Joseph looked over for a moment and then refocused on his wife.

"How is Nisa Riz?" Mother looked worried.

"Hopefully she was strong Bun, Fariz was very worried about her pregnancy. Tests hit him."

Huhf. Mommy takes a breath, "Do you need to go back to Jakarta? Maybe Nisa wants to see grandpa before she's buried!" Mother looked at Nisa's face.

"Innalallahi... Has Man's grandfather also been called God Bun?" I'm surprised! I really just found out what happened to Nisa's family. I looked at Nisa's face, eyes closed but I still saw clearly, tears welling up in both corners of her eyes.

"Yes Fah, ten o'clock last night in the hospital, but it'll be buried tomorrow morning." Mother returned my gaze.

"Go back to deck! Nisa might want to meet Man's grandfather!" I met Man's grandfather once, Father and Papi Nisa. Truly he is a humorous figure, still seems to fail at his age who is no longer young.

"Can't Papi and Mami kak, Nisa's condition is also not possible, Papi Mami is also worried about Bang Satria here, if we also go home to Jakarta, Bang Satria how?" fariz's hand still gently stroked the top of Nisa's veil, occasionally Fariz's crotchety hand wiped away the tears that flowed through Nisa's cheek. There was at least someone by Nisa's side! But... Me! I need a heart backrest.

"We can keep Joseph deck!"

"Nisa also wants to be here, sister, she knows her condition is very weak at this time, afraid of harming her fetus." Fariz's hand turned over Nisa's stomach. Wander down with tenderness and love.

"Rest in the room. Tomorrow morning let Mother and Father take care of Joseph, if it is rumored later.

"All right, Bun."

"Afiifa is also a bun room."

"Mother friend son!"

"No need to Bun," Prevent me. When Mother stood up. "Afiifah wants to be alone, mother do not worry, Afiifah just want both of God alone."

I stepped in, without waiting for Mother's approval. "Bun... If Joseph's conscious tomorrow, please don't tell Joseph what happened to Kia." I turned around for a moment. "however, he loved Kia very much. Let Joseph focus on his recovery first."

" all right. Father and Mother understand. Rest up! You don't get sick either." Mother irrigated my steps until at the door of my room.

Good night and kisses are known to me from Mother as my bedtime this evening. No more kisses or my story on Kia.

In just a few hours, I had missed the moment before I went to bed with Kia. May Kia be happy, son, yes... Kia must be happier now.

.