Not Him

62

(Love

Is he standing there for me?

Love

Will he wait for me until later?

Love

Will he welcome when this hand wants to grab, hold his fingers to the end?

If you say no, then I'll stop here

Just turn around and say goodbye, then it's all done)

**********

Many people worry about making big decisions in their lives. Most may regret it at the end, but others accept it with a satisfied heart. Decisions made are life choices. So no wonder if it takes some consideration to determine. Choosing wrong means taking the wrong path.

“Do you believe in destiny?” hyunjin asked that afternoon, as she was sitting with Jiyoo under an apple tree in the park near their campus first. Being pampered by the soothing breeze, makes Jiyoo look serious with the romance novel in her hands and forget about Hyunjin for a while. He just remembered that Hyunjin was still faithfully sitting next to him after the girl suddenly made a sound.

“Of course,” Jiyoo who was concentrating on finishing the novel reluctantly switched eyes, pausing the activity she was engaged in to guess what Hyunjin would say next. He patiently waited, but there was no sign that Hyunjin would continue. The girl was busy looking up. His eyes looked seriously.

“The sky and the cloud.. They're also one of God's destinies, aren't they?” Hyunjin asked again, one of her fingers pointing towards the blue sky covered in cumulus clouds.

Jiyoo frowned, feeling astonished. But he finally answered too. “Ya,” said patiently.

Hyunjin continued to stare towards the sky, occasionally moving her fingers as if she was shifting the cloud from its place. “I can control them. Look, how easy it is to change destiny,” his smile is blotted, a glimmer of satisfaction from his face. If changing destiny could be this easy, anyone would definitely not feel confused. High-minded people do not need to make sacrifices to get something. Life is easy, fun, isn't it?

“Stop acting stupid!” Jiyoo landed the thick novel in her hand onto Hyunjin's forehead, making the girl grimace in pain. But Hyunjin did not dare to protest, fearing being hit again. Jiyoo floated her palm into the air, moving it as if she was grabbing something above the sky. Then he lowered it again after making a grasp. “See!” he said while showing Hyunjin his hand. Jiyoo then opened it, “Tak nothing.”

Hyunjin laughed at what Jiyoo had just done. He sneered, “Now who's acting stupid, huh?”

“Destiny cannot be changed. Pure destiny is the power of God, and man is powerless to do anything against destiny,” said Jiyoo ignoring Hyunjin's laughter. He continued, “Whatever you try, that cloud can't possibly be in your grasp if you reach it from this place.”

“Can't man determine his own destiny?”

Jiyoo smiled. His head shook with Hyunjin's question. “But man can change his fate.”

“Uh?”

“You might be able to reach for that cloud when you fly there. Fate is in the hands of man himself, he is the one who has the right to determine it.”

***

Again, the love

I asked you

Will I be able to stand next to him someday?

If the answer is no, I give up)

**********

“Why always shy away from me? Don't you know that I canceled―”

“I've heard it. News about you are everywhere.”

“Then?”

Cho Kyuhyun, a late-level medical student who always gets scholarships because of his intelligence now seems frustrated, losing control of his patience just because of someone who is actually a nobody. The girl had already snatched half her happiness, took her away for granted, and now refused to give it back.

“How many times do we have to argue about this, Cho Kyuhyun? Don't you feel tired at all? We just keep talking about the same thing, and you already know what the answer is,” Hyunjin looked at the young man with a sad look. He was tired of being pressured, as if Kyuhyun was trying to corner him to change that decision. Many times he explained, and many times Kyuhyun bombarded himself with all this.

“I need clarity.”

“Isn't everything clear? We can't be together.”

“What's really why? Can you give me a logical reason, other than that ridiculous excuse?” The young man pressed his hand against the table. The loud noise was at least able to make some people turn their eyes towards them, wanting to know what this young couple was fussing about.

Kyuhyun pulled the hand of Hyunjin who was sitting in front of him, grasping it tightly while staring into the two eyes of the girl. “I have chosen my path, my choice is to be with you, Hyunjin-ah.”

“What can make you understand? This whole thing is complicated. Maybe you've chosen it, but what about me? Choosing you would hurt my father.” Hyunjin let out a tired breath. When will all this suffering end? When can he enjoy every second of his life without any pain?

Hyunjin. If only he had not been willing to accept Kyuhyun's request to meet that night, they would have never engaged in a conversation like this. Arguing for something uncertain, this made him even more depressed. It may be true that Kyuhyun did not marry Yeoram. But the truth is that it doesn't change anything. He still had to endure his stance, his resolve could no longer be changed. Their parents' feud is still burning, they can't deny it.

“Good. I'll take this. But tell me that you don't love me! Just say it, then I will disappear slowly from before you.” Kyuhyun was really desperate. Why is this girl so stubborn? Couldn't his heart melt with the sincerity he showed? Somehow to convince Hyunjin, Kyuhyun no longer knew what to do.

Hyunjin would probably do that easily. Just saying something from his lips, isn't that an easy matter? But he couldn't possibly lie to her feelings. It's wrong that he said that.

“Is that hard for you to do?” Kyuhyun asked―which sounded more like challenging the girl to do as she required.

The girl's lips were tightly clenched. He didn't want to say anything more, arguing with Kyuhyun kept putting him under pressure. He can't be more than this. Since the beginning of their meeting at the cafe, he had tried to refrain from smiling. When his angelic figure was present before him, he tried his hardest to behave as habitually as possible, hiding the burning longing in his heart. This time he wants the word ‘ends’ really is among them. Even though he was well aware that they were over from the beginning.

“Why are you silent? Is it that hard to say? You―”