Not Him
58
Choi Hyunjin sat pensively in the front porch of her house, looking blankly at the green grass that lay before her. His father is a lover of plants, so it is not surprising that a variety of neatly arranged ornamental plants meet the Choi family home page.
His hands occasionally moved to throw small pebbles towards the fish pond that was not far from where he was sitting now. The gurgling sound caused by the pebbles splashing water was the only sound that could be heard in his ears. The atmosphere at the time was completely silent.
“What are you doing here, Hyunjin-ah?” The girl turned her head, her father had suddenly sat down beside her. Hyunjin shook his head slowly and again threw some pebbles towards the koi fish pond. “Not doing anything,” he replied.
“Somebody is troubling your mind, hm?”
“No.”
“Do you want to tell Appa something?” asked the man again, still trying to urge him.
Hyunjin looked at her father doubtfully. Let him say no once, his father will still know he has a problem. He couldn't lie this time, the look on his face must have been too easy to guess. His father's been free since yesterday, he should be happy. But the girl did not show her happy face in the least. He just sat pensively and bent his face all day. Instead of being unhappy, he was of course very happy that his father was able to reunite with him. But there was something that made his heart unsettled, something that kept haunting his night so that he could not sleep well.
“Are you coming to her wedding?”
Hyunjin was stunned, was her father really able to read her mind? The girl turned her head with a face full of questions, as if to say, ‘How Appa can know?’.
“Appa saw the invitation on your study desk,” replied his father, guessing what the curious look of Hyunjin means.
The girl lowered her face. How easily does his feeling read?
Tomorrow is Kyuhyun's wedding. He doesn't know if he should come or not, he's confused. If he doesn't come, maybe he'll feel bad. Didn't Kyuhyun himself deliver the invitation to her? But―is he still able to strengthen his heart to attend the wedding of his loved ones? It's the same as suicide.
“Do you still love her?” Not one question was answered, the father had asked another question again, and this time it was more appropriate to stab into his heart.
Hyunjin smiled bitterly, “If it were still, it would be meaningless now. Appa won't be able to agree to my relationship with him either ‘ right?”
“Appa understand your feelings.”
“But Appa doesn't know ‘kan, how does it feel to get a wedding invitation from a person who is very Appa loves?”
“Appa knows, and Appa has felt it too.”
“Appa don't need to say such a thing, if it's just a guilty feeling to me.”
“You may not believe it, but this is indeed true.”
Hyunjin looked at her father. His eyes were emitting a sense of disbelief. At first he thought that his father only wanted to joke, but the man did not seem to be joking at all.
“You want to hear a story?”
“It's about a stupid man who endures friendship above all else.”
“That stupid guy―Appa?” ask the girl to guess.
The father smiled, “You can guess it at will.” He continued, “He trusted his best friend too much, sharing everything he had. Until one day, his greatest happiness was taken from his hands. He must release the man he so loved to his own best friend.”
“Why did he do that? Why would he just let go of it?” tanya Hyunjin was so curious. He prefers to call people in his father's story with “dia” rather than calling the father directly.
“Because he had to. He thought by letting it go with the man, the girl would be happier.”
“And the girl is happy?”
“Not so happy. Not as happy as he imagined.”
“And the man is sorry?”
“Yes, I can say that,” Choi Minhwa said with a bitter smile. “He regrets his decision, but he never regrets the life he has lived.”
“Is Appa happy with Appa's life now?”
“Very happy.”
Hyunjin smiled, “I would probably never have been if Appa had chosen that girl by Appa.”
“Hey, Appa ‘kan did not say that the man was Appa!”
Hyunjin laughed, she knew the man was indeed her father, even though the man was evasive. “Then how does it relate to the girl now?”
“After the incident, there was no relationship between the two. They completely break up, even if they do not want to look at each other, behave like people who never know each other. Until the last time the girl― of course the girl has become a woman―man came and apologized for everything. The woman gave a final smile to him, saying that she had given up everything that happened.” Choi Minhwa stopped her story when she realized that Hyunjin was beginning to shed tears. “Why are you crying?”
“I never knew that Appa had experienced something as sad as that,” the girl wiped the dots of water in the corner of her eyes.
The man smiled blandly, “Life can't really match what we expected. God always gives man a choice, you alone must decide which path you will take. Your choice may lead you to something you don't want. But trust me, not entirely that's bad. There must be something good in each of your choices.”
Hyunjin nodded in understanding. Their story was not too much different, so he could feel how his father felt at that time. Yes, she knows very well what it's like to leave someone, if she still loves him very much. Forced to part when his heart was too heavy to do that.
*
