Not Him

55

Hyunjin went straight into her room as soon as she arrived home. The girl threw her rough body onto the bed, buried her face on the pillow, then cried loudly.

Fate had given him the chance to see the man once more, giving him a reason to look back at those beautiful pair of eyes. But honey, what he had in mind at that moment was that he had to run, go all the way from the man.

Someday, if fate brings them back together, will the same thing happen? Is Kyuhyun still going after him like today? Maybe not. Kyuhyun is not a stupid man. It was unlikely that he would remain that way, chasing after a woman who would not even look back as she called out his name. Maybe at their next meeting, Kyuhyun had taken another woman and did not want to look to see the figure of the woman who had dumped him, considering Hyunjin was no one else. Hyunjin grew sobbing even louder as she imagined that. Kyuhyun will definitely forget about it, sooner or later.

The sound of the bell in front of the house made Hyunjin gasp. Immediately dry the tears that wet his face. He couldn't possibly meet a guest with a face full of tears like that.

With complete reluctance the girl walked to the front door. But his eyes bulged wide as he stared at the intersection screen, looking at who was standing outside. His body trembled, for some reason fear suddenly crawled over him. Hyunjin refrained from opening the door. He won't go out and see the guy.

*

Fucking Cho Kyuhyun. How could he constantly appear and make the girl tormented like this? Hyunjin tried to avoid it, but Kyuhyun came alone and stood at the door. Did Kyuhyun come to inflict pain on the girl? Isn't it enough what Hyunjin said about not assuming her presence again? Is it still unclear to be understood by a Cho Kyuhyun? Hyunjin really felt angry.

A few minutes passed, but Hyunjin remained silent in place. It doesn't even shift one bit. Her phone rang, and the girl immediately panicked because the one who called was Kyuhyun. He raised it, but made no sound at all. He just silently let the sound of the wind fill this silence, whispering clearly in the ears of the two.

“I know you're in.” said Kyuhyun finally, can't wait because the girl just kept quiet since then. “Come out, there's something I want to give you.”

Hyunjin did not respond, he remained silent as he thought whether to obey Kyuhyun's words or stay in place.

“Choi Hyunjin, once again I beg you to come out. Maybe this is the last time I'll see you. After this you can calm down, I won't bother you anymore.” There was a hint of relief as well as a sudden pain that rained down on his heart upon hearing that. Last time? Really the last time?

Hyunjin's heart was also finally broken, she chose to go out and meet the man.

Last time.

Kyuhyun was not a person who could not be trusted his nonsense. Maybe he's really serious. Kyuhyun will never come and disturb his life again, isn't that what he wants? But why did his heart hurt so much when Kyuhyun himself said that?

“I can't take long.”

Kyuhyun smiled seeing that girl was already in front of him. “It won't be long, just a minute.”

*

They sat next to each other on one of the benches in the city park, turned to each other―wouldn't look at each other, and dissolved in the silence they created themselves. The two people seemed to have never known each other before, being rigid with each other.

“I'm with you now, what do you want?” Hyunjin asked. Again he wore his mask, was not happy when in reality he was very happy to see the man again.

“This.” Kyuhyun hand moves to hand over a yellow gold invitation card sheet, with a beautiful printed inscription on the cover. His head was still staring straight ahead, unable to see the girl as he handed her over.

Hyunjin felt a sensation of being electrocuted. Not out of amazement at the beauty of the object, but because of realizing the row of letters printed on the invitation. Kyuhyun's name with another woman. It's not stupid to know what the invitation is. Kyuhyun and Yeoram's wedding invitation, for sure. But why should Kyuhyun give it to Hyunjin? Even delivered it to the girl herself.

He should not have done this, so Hyunjin could have pretended not to know and ignored him.

Kyuhyun should know, this will destroy Hyunjin. Didn't Kyuhyun know for sure how Hyunjin's heart was with him?

Hyunjin received the object then placed it on her lap without the slightest interest to peek at its contents.

“Do you want me to come?” the girl laughed blandly, her voice sounding pitiful. Kyuhyun did not answer.

“I always hope that the one standing at the altar with me is you, not another girl.” is still staring forward, the man spoke while smiling sluringly. Her beautiful fervor with Hyunjin will now fade, vanishing without a trace.

“I also.”

“I want to wear a beautiful white dress and say a sacred promise with you someday. I want us to be able to live happily and build a family with our children later―” Hyunjin shut her mouth to withstand even more intense stuffing, but she can not afford. “―but that is impossible.”

Take off that mask. Hyunjin cried so much that Kyuhyun could feel how much she was suffering because she kept holding back her feelings.

“It is still not too late, there is still a chance to change everything. We can go far and live together, without anyone bothering.” Kyuhyun hoped that the girl would agree with him this time. Why choose to suffer if you can be happy?

“And run from reality?” Hyunjin shook her head strongly, “I can't. We're gonna hurt a lot of people. I don't want that until it happens.”

“Stop being stubborn!” Kyuhyun exploded, snapping at him furiously. The girl was completely incomprehensible her way of thinking―Kyuhyun did not understand and did not want to understand.

“I was fine before you came into my life, everything was so perfect when I didn't know you.”

“Is that? So I'm the destroyer of your life?” Kyuhyun threw his face the other way.

“But something is missing when you're not around, when you disappear from me. There's something missing here.” he pointed towards his heart. Yes, it was like the heart stopped beating when Kyuhyun no longer filled his days.

“I never disappear, you're the one who always shies away from me!” Kyuhyun who had exhausted his patience pulled the girl's face close to him, looking at the pair of clear eyes that continued to shed tears, he could see Hyunjin's sadness so clearly there. “What are you afraid of? You're not alone, I'm with you, you don't deserve to be afraid.”

“Can you disappear from my life―for ever?”

It felt like being played with now, Hyunjin continued to give him hope then threw him out again. The touch of Kyuhyun's hand on the girl's cheek weakened, along with his devastated feelings. She smiled cynically, “If you want that to happen, just kill me.”

“Good.”

“Well what?”

“It looks like I should go. I'm the one who has to disappear from your life.”

“What do you mean?”

“Aren't you afraid you can't let me go? If I wasn't around, things would be easier for you.”

Kyuhyun did not understand what the girl had just said. But his feelings say that something bad is going to happen. Hyunjin would definitely do something that could destroy him.

The girl stood up, trying to hold back her cries even though it was useless. Kyuhyun had seen her sobbing since earlier, he should not have to hide his pain anymore. “Can I say goodbye to you? Maybe I've said this before, but this time is really the last time.”

“Hyunjin.”

“Congratulations on your wedding. Congratulations on your happiness.” He smiled bitterly, but the tears had not stopped to flow more and more. “Don't miss me, don't remember me anymore. Assume I'm dead. Forget me.”

“Choi Hyunjin!” Kyuhyun banged him hard. He stood up and hugged the girl tightly. Hyunjin revolted but Kyuhyun did not want to let go.

“Why are you so mean to me?” Kyuhyun sniffled. Her tears were not visible, but her heart really hurt. “You made my life suffer even more without you. Are you satisfied to see me tormented like this?”

“But this is the best, forgive me.” Hyunjin moved to break away from Kyuhyun, but Kyuhyun kept holding him back.

“Do not!” Kyuhyun pulled the girl tighter and tighter, fearing that he would break away and run away again leaving her. “If this is indeed the last time, let me hug you longer. I can't force you anymore, if that's your decision. But don't tell me to forget you, it's too hard.”

“Pelan-pelan you can definitely do it. Everything just takes time.”