Not Him

23

Donghae was at his college cafeteria, sitting in conversation with his two best friends who were almost always by his side throughout their time on campus.

“so you're really going to get engaged to that girl named Hyunjin that's Donghae-ya?” lee Sungmin asked as he stared in disbelief in front of him. Donghae only replied with a single nod, while sipping the cold chocolate presented in front of him.

“this time you mean it?” ask another friend, name Lee Hyukjae no less surprised.

Again Donghae just nodded lazily, bored with their same questions constantly.

“you're just playing it, right?” hyukjae asked hesitantly. Is this Donghae's decision? didn't he say a few days ago that he would strongly oppose his grandfather's decision to marry him? Why is he now even relaxed knowing that he will soon be engaged to the girl?

“you must only want to please your grandfather, right?” guess Sungmin chuckled.

Donghae put down his empty glass, then looked at the two people in front of him with a slap. “do you not understand my language? I agreed to be paired with him. Even I myself proposed to haraboji to get engaged.”

“MWO?” the two namja instantly widened their eyes wide, greatly shocked at Donghae's statement just now. They were very sure that Donghae who was in front of them was currently in the wrong brain. How could anyone change their feelings so quickly? has he been used by that girl named Choi Hyunjin?

“but you said you didn't like him. Then why is it like that?” cecar Sungmin tried to find clarity from Donghae's words earlier. Hyukjae nodded in agreement, he was also curious as to why his best friend could change his decision so quickly.

“inally I refused. I even told her if I already liked someone else and would not be able to accept her as the girl I was betrothed to.” Donghae began to explain, it felt like he wanted to laugh to see the faces of the two namja who looked very surprised.

“who do you like? You never told us.” Cut off Hyukjae before Donghae continues his explanation.

“indeed. That guy doesn't exist, I'm just saying that so that he also both reject our matchmaking.”

“last?” Sungmin was curious.

“I don't know why, but getting closer to her made me start to get attracted to her. I'm tired of being so hard on him. Well, even though our relationship can't be said to be close either, but I've decided that girl will be the mooring of my heart. I feel we are already a match.”

Hyukjae and Sungmin tried to hold back their laughter hearing Donghae's words just now. But inevitably, their laughter broke out together.

“You've been watching a lot of romantic dramas, Hae.”

“I told you to throw away all your novels that Lee Donghae.”

“YA! what the fuck are you guys huh!” Donghae grunted annoyedly seeing the two people in front of him were engrossed in his poetic speech earlier. Doesn't that sound romantic? Thought annoyed.

_

Again Hyunjin turned in front of the large mirror in her room. I don't know how many times he's been researching his appearance. Everything fits, not too flashy or too simple. The dress given by Donghae is really pretty, it fits perfectly on her body –of course because Hyunjin herself tried it on her shopping yesterday. But he still hesitates. His heart is not ready.

Again, a formal dinner like this. Reminds her of what happened a while ago, when for the first time she attended that ridiculous matchmaking. When he gets a direct rejection from Donghae, even before the namja knows him further.

But this time it was not the pain of being rejected that made him doubtful. But there was something else, something that made him even more convinced he was not destined to be with Lee Donghae.

Cho Kyuhyun's

Only that name kept swirling around in his head all day. He could not control his heartbeat beating so many times faster when he remembered Kyuhyun's words earlier this afternoon. It was the least romantic statement of love he thought. But somehow those words can make her cheeks blush red, messing with her heart to the point of being completely messy.

Hyunjin patted her cheeks strongly, trying to resuscitate her not to soar any higher. Kyuhyun just left, saying nothing more after the words came out of his mouth. Could it be that he was just playing it? Perhaps after saying that Kyuhyun was laughing out loud behind him, his satisfaction already made him freeze on the spot.

“Hyunjin-ah, are you ready baby?” the mother's voice made Hyunjin turn to the door, looking at her mother who was smiling at her.

“omo.. You are beautiful once.”

Hyunjin only smiled faintly, not knowing what to react to. His mother rarely praised him like that. This makes it look strange, usually if like this he will look upset and say, “oemma just realized that I am beautiful?” or, “which is obviously my beauty is not a derivative of oemma.” And will be welcomed from his mother.

But this time he didn't want to say anything. The smile felt heavy, he forced it.

“if you're ready hurry out of the room. We have to leave soon. Oemma think the Lee family is waiting for our arrival.”

“nde oemma, wait for me in a minute.”

Lady Choi walked out of her daughter's room, while Hyunjin was still staring doubtfully at the mirror. Should he accept an engagement that all parties have agreed to - in addition to himself - this? not even Donghae seemed to mind this at all, something he had never imagined before.

_

Hyunjin simply fell silent as she looked down at the food, unable to show her grim face to everyone in the room. Currently they are at Lee's residence, talking about –'s engagement which never even asked Hyunjin's opinion first.

“what's okay carrying out the engagement so soon? I think they're still too young.” Said Lady Choi - Hyunjin's mother - in the middle of their chat regarding Donghae and Hyunjin's engagement.

“after all they can finish their studies first. We will not force them to get married quickly, as long as it is tied to an engagement relationship I think it is enough.” Donghae's mother let out her opinion. It is impossible if they get married that fast, getting engaged just feels too early.

“well, we should have set the exact date immediately.” Grandpa Donghae seemed excited about this, inversely proportional to Hyunjin. “what do you think, Minhwan?” the old man looked at Hyunjin's father asking for approval.

“we leave it to the two of them, let them decide for themselves when the engagement.”

“i also think so.” Donghae's father nodded, a sign he also agreed with Hyunjin's father's suggestion.

“when do you want the engagement done?” the bespectacled man was now staring at Donghae.

“I agree anytime, haraboji. It's up to you guys. We will according.” Donghae replied casually while enjoying the meal. “kurasa Hyunjin also agreed with me.” He glanced at Hyunjin who just choked on his food as soon as he heard Donghae say. Is that name crazy? why does he look so calm?

Hyunjin did remember while in the hospital he and Donghae once said agreed to the engagement, and they had both agreed –more precisely both agreed to agree. But Hyunjin really never thought it would be this fast they decided. For him this is too soon, he has not been able to accept it, plus the fact about Kyuhyun who turns out to have feelings for him.

If only Kyuhyun had never appeared in his life,

If only Kyuhyun had never said those words to her, then,

If only..he had not become entangled in a Cho Kyuhyun, would he still be worried about this matchmaking?

Of course not! Maybe he will gladly accept everything.

“what's wrong with you Hyunjin? your face looks pale. You're not feeling well?” madam Lee asked, realizing that Hyunjin had only been quiet since then. He looked at the girl's face, which looked pale.

Hyunjin shook her head, hinting she was fine. “just a little bit of fatigue alone.”

“ah, Donghae take her to the guest room. Let Hyunjin rest there.” Madam Lee orders her son. Without saying much Donghae immediately did as his mother ordered.

Hyunjin followed Donghae from behind. He really couldn't see Donghae's face this time.

“you why? Aren't you happy?” donghae asked on the sidelines of their journey, without stopping his steps at all.

Hyunjin breathes softly, “you think?”

“you should be happy.”

“how can I be happy if I will be engaged to a namja who does not even love me at all?” hyunjin said sarcastically. He desperately endured the turmoil in his chest. It hurts to say that, but after that everything feels light. It was as if the burden that was in his heart had simply evaporated.

Donghae halted his steps, stunned for a moment at Hyunjin's confession. In one move he had already turned back, looking at Hyunjin with a gentle look, “if I said I love you, how?”

Hyunjin flinched, what else this time?

“don't joke! Are you trying to play me?”

“do you think I'm trying to play you?” Donghae asked back, his feet stepping closer and closer to Hyunjin. The girl slowly retreated keeping her distance with Donghae.

“you're weird! Which one is your personality?” Hyunjin screeched with a trembling voice, but not loud enough to be heard by the elders in the room next to her.

Donghae's steps came to a halt, he looked at Hyunjin right in the bead of her eyes. “didn't you like me too?”

“who said? I never liked you.” Hyunjin replied lying, trying to shift her gaze away from Donghae's eyes. That gaze that always makes him melt, fascinated by the figure of the name. Even before this every second he spent thinking about that one name, Lee Donghae. Who would have thought all of that would just disappear now?

“everyone even knows you like me. Right?” Donghae looked at him deeply.

“Yes, before I realized I was too stupid to love you.” Hyunjin held back her voice so as not to sound any more vibrating. He felt his tears were urgent want to come out, but desperately trying to hold his cry. “you never realized it. I just held empty hopes. You rejected me back then, remember?”

Donghae grabbed the shoulder of the girl in front of him, tears were coming out of the corner of the girl's eyes. “must I say this, I regret saying that before to you. Maybe we just need a process, feelings can't be forced.”

“like you said just now, feelings can't be forced. I. I love others. Not you anymore.” Now that his tears had spilled, he did not know why it was so heavy to say this to Donghae. But he realized, his feelings for Donghae were just empty hope, an obsession, nothing more. And as time went on, the feeling gradually faded away, leaving only a few not-so-visible traces. And now that position had been shifted by another feeling in his heart.

“but why? I am learning to love you. We can start this from the beginning.”

“can't, Donghae-sshi. If you had said that in the first place, maybe things would have been different.” Hyunjin. Staring at Donghae's face would make him even more devastated. Donghae was a step late, now his heart was locked by someone. And Hyunjin just realized it.

“I can't.”