Not Him

46

**sorry yes late.today's work byk bgt**

#(Why does taking you off feel so heavy? It's even harder than when I tried to reach you.

You're already part of my breath. Do you think I can survive without you?

Why does God have to bring us together, if we are not meant to be together?)#

“Is this why you left me? Because Lee Donghae?”

“Ya, right, because she.” Hyunjin's voice was stifled as she said that. If this could make Kyuhyun let go, why wouldn't he admit it?

“Takay possible.” Kyuhyun. His gaze grew sharper, his eyes began to redden in anger. He regretted yelling at Hyunjin, but the answer she gave him completely disbelieved. He doesn't believe, he really can't believe this. Previously Hyunjin had rejected Donghae because of him. Does it make sense for the girl to turn away from him and return to Donghae? It is something he continues to deny. Hyunjin must be lying, Kyuhyun knew that. Couldn't he find a more plausible reason than this?

“What is impossible? Can't people change? Including my feelings for you.”

“Do not talk again! Don't lie to me. I know the truth is not like that!” kyuhyun's tone of voice began to weaken, there was bitterness in every word he said.

“Can we finish this somewhere else? I don't want people watching our quarrel.” Hyunjin said as she realized several pairs of eyes were on them. However, this is not a proper thing to do in a public place. They're still in the hospital yard at the moment.

“Cute me!” Kyuhyun pulled the girl's hand, and Hyunjin just complied.

Hyunjin was aware of something, she stopped her steps and turned back, looking at her best friend who had only been watching them since. “Jiyoo-ya, if anyone asks me―”

“―you went to the bookstore.” Sambar the girl was quick.

“Gomawo.” Hyunjin smiled, her best friend is always reliable.

As Hyunjin and Kyuhyun left from before him, Jiyoo went straight into the hospital. He knew, now was not the time to ask Hyunjin any questions, even though he was actually very curious. Hyunjin has been quiet more lately. But he believed that the girl would tell him the problem when she was ready. Jiyoo can be patient, the most important thing now is that she is there when the girl needs her. He knew Hyunjin was being faced with a lot of problems.

___

As a result of his loyalty, Kyuhyun drove his motorbike at a very high speed, making Hyunjin have to hold his heart so as not to jump out. He desperately held his body so as not to embrace the namja. His fear at the moment was that he was unable to contain his feelings to release Kyuhyun. I don't know since when, but now the girl begins to realize that Kyuhyun has become the most important part of her life.

Hyunjin had wanted to cry, but she did not want to show her weakness to Kyuhyun. He wanted to end this all―a mistake that had dragged them to bitterness. If he knew this would happen, he probably never should have fallen in love with it.

“Help me if you're scared!” kyuhyun said as he pulled Hyunjin's arm with his free left hand, guiding the girl to embrace her waist. But Hyunjin didn't do it, she just held onto Kyuhyun's shirt tightly, squeezing it as hard as she could.

Kyuhyun took her to a beach. Hyunjin recalled, it was the same beach he had taken her to. Why go to this place? Hyunjin does not like it, this will remind her of her sweet memories with the name. A brief memory that made him realize how much he loved that name, Cho Kyuhyun.

___

I immediately shook off his hand, as Kyuhyun tried to hold my hand. Don't know what it is? Until now my heart is still always pounding when in direct contact with it. The warm grip of his cold hand, made my blood flow rippling strangely. He can't possibly know, he can't feel the same way as I do.

“Why do we go to this place?” I asked, in a cold tone that might make her feel uncomfortable.

“There is no special reason. I love this place.” reply, of course not in a way to talk like me.

“What do you want to say again, before all this is really over?”

He looked at me with a desperate face. “Nothing to end.”

“Can you give us one reason why we should stay together?”

Kyuhyun smiled disdainfully, as if mocking me because the question I just asked him was ridiculous. He stepped forward, shortening the distance between us. “I even have more than one reason. I love you, and you do too.”

I was stunned. With a bitter feeling of biting my lower lip, resisting the tightness that suddenly came again. If he continues like this, I'll have more trouble. Those are common words that every lover always uses. But this time, those words sounded like poison to me. Why does my heart hurt to hear it?

“Why can you be so sure? You've even known me for no more than a month.” As much as possible I avoided the look in his eyes that constantly intimidated me.

“That's the reason.”

I looked at him in confusion, increasingly clueless of what he meant.

Kyuhyun continued, “I just got to know you, but as if my soul is already bound to you.”

My breath is choking at the moment. Whether he was speaking honestly or not, but I could see the earnestness of his eyes. His gaze softened, something that could make me feel at peace. Could this also be one of the reasons why I could love her? Behind his cold demeanor, he was so gentle and warm.

“Kyuhyun, why can't you understand too? Our position at the moment is quite difficult. It won't last long.”

“You're making this harder. Weren't we okay before? You brought everything down, with your own fears.” he again debated me, with his arguments that I could not take for granted.

“I just think logically. We cannot survive with love alone. This world is not running with just love.”

“See! You still love me, don't you?”

Checkmate. I could never win a fight with you, Mr. Cho. You win now.

“You're just too upset, when in fact we can deal with this together. I'm by your side, you have nothing to fear.” Kyuhyun tried to hug me, but again I avoided him.

“Please, don't say that.” he looks at me softly. Kyuhyun might be tired of convincing me, but I won't give up on convincing him that we should both stay away from each other. Something I never thought would be as complicated as our relationship. He was right, I had indeed thrown a pebble into the calm water. But thinking once again, all the things that happened have signaled us to this decision of mine.

“We weren't meant to be together, I'm pretty sure of that. I do love you. But even that will not be enough to make an excuse to stay afloat. We can't do anything. We're helpless against this, Kyu.” I gave up, no matter how hard I tried to hold on, we would eventually fall as well. The enmity of our two fathers, the future of Kyuhyun at stake, it's not all that can be underestimated. Splitting up is the best solution. Maybe that's the only thing that can solve all these problems.

“If parting is the best way to end this, why don't we just do it? Our lives will be fine without each other. Wasn't it like that before? I can still live without you, and vice versa.”

“No!” Kyuhyun. I don't know why he's so stubborn. Is there any reason I gave him to convince him that we can't be together?

“Before my life was never okay, everything felt so empty. Know it? I feel like my life is so dim, it's meaningless. But all that supposition vanished after you were present. You're already part of my breath. Do you think I'll survive without you?”

“Stop, Kyu!” I snapped at him, with a hoarse voice holding back the cry. “Don't make this harder, I've thought things through.”

He was silent, taking his eyes off me. His eyes look so sad. I'm happy to know his love is so great to me, but it means nothing now. I love him too, of course. But what can I do?

I slowly approached her, grabbed her face and forced her eyes to meet mine. I looked at him deeply, “If you love me, please let me go. We can start a better life in the future, without being bound to each other. Maybe this is indeed the best way for us.”

“You will be happier with this?”

I flinched, not knowing what answer I should give. This is not what I wanted at all, but I had no other choice. By itself my head nodded, just then I saw a huge disappointment implied from his eyes. I'm sorry, Kyuhyun.

“I never said I agreed, it's just your decision unilaterally. If you change your mind, I'm still waiting for you.” he said again, as if so desperate. It's like I'm the last source of oxygen left, and he has to be willing to lose it.

I don't know how many tears my eyes have fallen from hearing her words. I want him to be angry and hate me. But why even like this? He made me worry about my own decision. My feelings grew doubtful, he had messed it up.

“Maybe this is the last time we can meet face to face like this. But if someday we meet again, I'm sure our feelings have changed for each other.” I'm sure if that time comes, he'll realize how evil I am, I'm not a good girl for her.

“My feelings won't change for you, until anytime.”

I smiled bitterly. He said that without the slightest hesitation, I could see the sincerity in his eyes. But that's for today, tomorrow who knows? Maybe Jung Yeoram is better than me, I'm sure Kyuhyun deserves to be with her.

“After this, let's just say we never met before―let alone know each other. Maybe it would be better not to hurt our feelings. I want to forget these times, forget you for a very long time.” I smile full of bitterness. It hurts when I say that.

Kyuhyun suddenly pulled me in his arms. He held me tight, as if afraid I would run away from him. I was quiet, enjoying the treatment. I can't avoid it anymore.

I returned his embrace, enjoying my last vestiges with him. My cry grew, her shoulders wet with tears. Why can't I be selfish? If I only thought about my feelings, I could have chosen to stick with our relationship. But I can't afford to―not if it's going to hurt a lot of parties. Let me feel this pain, maybe for a while. After that everything will be fine. Sure.

“Thank you for being present in my life, being able to know you gives me memories that mean so much to me.” I spoke on the sidelines of our arms, still with tears that I could not bear.

“What after this you will forget everything―forget me?”

“I don't want to, but it has to.”

“Why does taking you off feel so heavy? It's even harder than when I tried to reach you.”

“Do not talk about “kita” again. After this is only a story about me or yourself, we will string each of our lives with a different story of course. ”

We kept quiet for a while. Again, only silence flows here.

Somehow everything happened, time seemed to spin so fast. Without realizing it, her lips reached mine. I could neither move nor resist it, as if my body had suddenly turned to stone. My brain can't think anything, it's very surprised by what it's doing. I could feel her breathing so close to my skin. We kiss―this is not a love kiss or even a farewell kiss, which is obviously not a happiness kiss―for the first and last time. Sweet parting, maybe. I hope so.

Kyuhyun shook, I know he was crying too.

Crying out? For the first time I saw him so tormented.

Why is separation always painful? Sometimes I think destiny is cruel. Why did God have to bring us together, if in the end we were not meant to be together? If only pain and pain would be available to us, why would God still give us a way to be united before? This life can never be guessed. Fate seemed to be playing with both of us.

####I don't want time to pass so fast###

Hyunjin hopes that there is a pause button that he can use to stop the time. For the last time, leave it like this. Before it all ends. Let them feel love for each other, towards the moment the time bomb is about to explode.

Drizzle began to descend to wet the earth. The two human children break away from each other―though reluctantly. They cannot be dissolved in love for a moment. There was nothing they could have expected further. Just stop here, this silly story.

Hoping that fate would change and reunite them, uh? Impossible. The fate is not on their side, he is too happy to play with the chaos of the two lovebirds.

A girl heartbroken by love, isn't that normal for a girl like her? But Hyunjin knows, this is not just a love of youth. This was a test that might have matured him.― required him to think realistically of the gulf between the two of them.

Their sorrow melted into one with raindrops that were increasingly falling from the sky. Is the sky crying too, accompanying their pain?

In the next second it was all over. Yeah, it's really over. No more love stories about Cho Kyuhyun and Choi Hyunjin. All that was left were the scars that ran across the hearts of the two. I don't know how long it took to heal that wound. A year? A day? Or even just for a second?

Nnnnope. Real hard. It was not something that could be done as easily as turning the palm of the hand. Everything needs a process. They need enough time to neutralize the life that has been messed up by the chaos of this stupid story.

Too many versions of life reflect Romeo-Julliet's love story in this world. It always ends with bitterness and grief. For God's sake! Love always blinds people. Why should men choose to fall in love if they know their ends will be tormented? Is that something fun?

And Hyunjin knew, he was one of the many foolish humans that― chose to be tormented by love. If he can choose, he doesn't want fate to bring him to Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun's existence becomes both a blessing and a curse for him. But that's the life line, no one can guess how it flows. Everything goes in secret. Maybe God has set something good for them. Maybe not now―some time later, and with different people. Might as well.