Not Him

50

Cho Kyuhyun—

Hyunjin smiled amusedly. He recalled, Kyuhyun once fell asleep while accompanying him waiting for the bus in this place first. It's not a new memory—it's been quite a long time—but Hyunjin felt it just happened yesterday. Everything passed so quickly, never in his mind if the end of their story would be like this.

“Don't smile like that. People will think you crazy if you see it.”

With a quick movement the girl turned her head, looking at the figure of the man she had been waiting for her presence since earlier. Hiding all her nervousness, Hyunjin immediately closed her lips, obliterating the damn smile. A warm feeling ran through his face, feeling embarrassed because of the wet trap while smiling to himself. What was on Kyuhyun's mind when he saw her earlier? The girl didn't even notice the stomping of Kyuhyun's shoes as he came. Embarrassing. Surely Kyuhyun was secretly laughing at him.

“This is your coat. Sorry I just returned it now.” Hyunjin got up from her seat and handed her a paper bag containing the coat. Kyuhyun accepted it with a little reluctance. Why is the girl in such a hurry? He asked Hyunjin to come not only to return his coat—ia did not even care about the coat—but because he wanted to get a chance to meet the girl. At least for this reason Hyunjin still wants to see him, right?

“I'm gone. Goodbye!” Hyunjin was about to step up, but Kyuhyun suddenly pulled his hand, making the girl stop in place. Actually he could have let go of Kyuhyun's hand and continued his steps— Kyuhyun's interest did not feel strong—but he did not do it. It stopped.

“Do not say goodbye, if it will make me never see you again.”

“You will never see me again. Didn't we decide this together?” hyunjin said without moving her head to look at Kyuhyun. He would rather hide his face that was beginning to hold back tears than look at Kyuhyun, because that would make him even more devastated.

“You may say you don't love me, but I know it's a lie. I can see it from your eyes.” Kyuhyun pulled Hyunjin's body to face him. He didn't like the girl to take his eyes off when he was talking to her.

“You never know. Eyes could fool you.”

“No! Eyes always say honestly.”

“So?”

They were silent for a while. Kyuhyun tried to set his voice that began to sound strange, choked, as if something had stolen his vocal cords so he could not speak. Time seemed to stop, making silence spread in their midst.

Hyunjin was stunned after hearing that. That fast? Why should he still not be able to get Kyuhyun out of his mind?

“Congratulations!” A smile he was forced to show off to Kyuhyun.

“I'll turn it down―if you ask.”

“A―apa?” Hyunjin couldn't hide her surprise―lagi. His eyes widened perfectly looking questioningly at Kyuhyun. Is Kyuhyun crazy? What kind of thinking is that?

Kyuhyun got closer, holding both sides of the girl's face to look at him. “If you say no, if you say you're not willing, I'll come back to you. We can live everything back―from the beginning.”

“No!” Hyunjin brushed off Kyuhyun's hand from his face. He wanted to say no, I didn't want to, or anything that could make Kyuhyun break his bond with a girl other than himself. But it's too difficult, it feels like he doesn't have the guts to just say “not” or “I don't want” it. It was too heavy, he was too cowardly to do it.

Kyuhyun. This was not the answer he expected. Not at all.

“You must be happy with him. I am one of the people who will be happy for your marriage.” Hyunjin smiled again, after which she turned around. This time his feet really stepped away. Kyuhyun did not try to stop him, he was still fixated without knowing what to do.

From a distance, Kyuhyun could see the girl's body shaking. He knew that Hyunjin was crying. Why is that girl so stupid? He is pushing himself too much. If Hyunjin had said no, he would not have left her side. He will take on all the risks that might happen. He does not care, the most important thing is his happiness―the happiness they both―can be obtained. But the girl clearly rejected his decision. Hyunjin was too realistic, thus putting aside her own feelings. Choosing tormented by a decision that left him devastated.

Kyuhyun's eyes were slightly wet.

Stupid girl. Stupid girl..