Not Him

35

Hyunjin churns her saturated drink. He is not bored because the person he is waiting for has not come yet, but because of anxiety will say what to the person if he comes later. Hyunjin was too afraid just to say she could not choose Donghae, she was afraid that she would hate him for this.

“sorry I'm late. You've been waiting a long time?” the voice of someone instantly made the girl stunned from her daydream. He was slightly stunned to see Donghae smiling and sitting on the chair in front of him.

“ah, no. Just a few minutes.” Answer Hyunjin rigidly. He could not return the smile - not because he remembered what he would do to Donghae later.

“what are you asking me to come here? You miss me huh?” goda Donghae joked, still unaware of the look on Hyunjin's face looking at her with a guilty look.

“Donghae oppa..” call Hyunjin slowly.

“hm?” Donghae turned his head and muttered little to answer him.

“Are you going to hate me?”

“mwo? Why should I hate you?” Doghae looked at him confused. For whatever reason, he couldn't hate the girl for no apparent reason.

Hyunjin bit her lower lip to relieve nervousness. He was trying to muster up the courage to tell Donghae everything.

“about your statement back then. I will answer it now.” Hyunjin couldn't look Donghae in the eye. As much as possible he turned his gaze in the other direction when he said the thing just now.

Donghae looked at him unsure, “if you are not ready, you can answer next time. I won't force.”

Hyunjin nodded strongly, reassuring Donghae that he was really steady with the decision he would take. “I have decided. Don't make me worry anymore.”

“really? So what's your decision?” Donghae looked at him curiously. He smiled, hoping that the expected answer would be spoken by the girl.

Hyunjin held her breath in tension, “I can't. I'm sorry.”

The smile on Donghae's lips slowly disappeared, changing with a shocked expression mixed with disappointment. “why?”

Hyunjin lowered her head, still hiding her gaze from Donghae's face which looked very disappointed. “aku and Kyuhyun. I love her so much. Please forgive me. ”

“really?”

Hyunjin made no sound, only nodding weakly. He could not see Donghae's eyes.

Donghae could only smile faintly, however Hyunjin was entitled to choose. He also could not force his will on the girl. “no need to apologize. I can understand.”

“I realize I'm too greedy. I used to chase you, and now that you're there for me I just take you off.” Hyunjin ventured to look at Donghae inside, she could see the streak of sadness in Donghae's eyes.

Donghae shook his head, and again smiled –Hyunjin even wonder why Donghae can still smile like that to him. “I was also wrong. If only from the beginning I had accepted you, accepted our arranged marriage, it would not have been like this.”

“don't blame yourself! I'm sure we have our own destiny. Maybe we two are not friends. But oppa will definitely get a better girl than me. Know it? You are very popular among the students at our campus.” Said Hyunjin laughing, trying to make the atmosphere slightly melt.

“really? But it seems so.” Donghae chuckled amusedly, desperately trying to hide his heartache.

“oppa, will you hate me after this?”

“have I said, right? I won't hate you, just calm down.”

“I hope after this our relationship will remain good. I'll feel so guilty if you stay away from me.”

“Hyunjin-ah, you're too scared. Relax, I can't stay away from you just because of this. We can be friends, right?” Donghae again showed off his pure smile.

“thank you oppa. You are a good man.”

“ya, indeed. You're not the only one who says that.”

Hyunjin hits Donghae's shoulder slowly, “basic narcissist. Ah, then how do we tell this to Lee Haraboji and our parents?”

Donghae. Right, how would they react if they knew this? is it possible that his grandfather will die of heart disease? Nah! It can't be like that. His mind is too far away.

Grandpa Donghae is actually still very healthy for a man of his age –ia does not even have heart disease. Donghae knew his grandfather was only lying at that time, he pretended to be sick to get the two of them to agree to the match.

“no. We do it together. We will say it together, this is not your own problem oppa.”

___

Donghae sat pensively. His eyes looked loosely towards the road, but his mind flew over thinking of something else. A cup of capuccino that he had ordered was allowed to cool just like that on the table, without any desire to touch it.

A flash of Hyunjin's words just now continued to dance in his mind. He really felt devastated for the second time – was rejected by the same person.

He'd be lying if he said he was okay, if he was okay. Indeed, the situation is now like a glass that is dropped on the floor, broken and then shattered into pieces. But he couldn't have told Hyunjin directly, he didn't want to make the girl suffer any more.

‘I can't. I'm sorry.’

That sentence, like a lump of rock that hit his chest hard. Make him stumped.

‘aku and Kyuhyun. I love her so much. Please forgive me.’

That sentence, makes it feel like dropped from the highest cliff in the world to the bottom of the deepest sea.

‘don't blame yourself! I'm sure we have our own destiny. Maybe we two are not friends. But oppa will definitely get a better girl than me. Know it? You are very popular among the students at our campus.’

Did ya? But for him there was nothing better than Hyunjin. When he already felt that Hyunjin was his destiny, why did Hyunjin let go of his grasp? Hyunjin used to adore him so much. Why did it change so quickly?

‘I hope after this our relationship will remain good. I'll feel so guilty if you stay away from me.’

Can that happen? How can Donghae keep pretending that he's okay? why didn't Hyunjin tell him to just forget about it? it would probably be much better than asking her not to stay away from him.

‘thank you oppa. You are a good man.’

If Donghae is a good man, why did Hyunjin choose Kyuhyun instead of him?

All those questions kept eating away at Donghae's determination. It felt like it was going hard, very painful. He really felt hurt by the name of love.

“sorry sir, can I sit here? all the places are full and I have to wait for someone here.” a voice rattled in Donghae's ear, but that voice ignored him. I don't know who that person is, Donghae doesn't care at all.

“lord, can you?” ask the guy again. Donghae still hasn't budged. The sound was just like the wind blowing slowly for him.

The man snorted annoyed at being ignored, then immediately positioned himself sitting on the chair in front of Donghae – where Hyunjin was sitting earlier before leaving. Fuck it he's allowed or not. The important thing is that he immediately sat down and was able to let go of his fatigue.

The man called the waiter, then asked for his order. He reached into his bag, and pulled out an i-pod. After a while, he was busy fiddling with it.

Donghae finally realized someone was sitting in front of him. He looked at the man, a girl who was busy with an i-pod in her hand.

“nona, don't you have any manners?” Donghae asked annoyedly, why did the girl sit down before him and mess up her musings?

The girl removed the earphones in her ears, then looked at Donghae with confused furrowed brows.

“ye?” Stupid question. Why was this man in front of him suddenly enraged? The girl sure had nothing wrong with her.

“why are you sitting here?”

“didn't I ask earlier?”

“do I allow it?”

The girl shook her head, “no. But you didn't reject it either. You shut up, I take that as the answer to ‘by’.” The girl won't lose. Donghae curses slowly and then gets up.

“where are you going?” the girl's voice had prevented Donghae's move.

“not your business!”

____