Like Drama's

Eighty Four

"We're happy, Ken ..."

Ken dropped his phone which he had pointed at me since. "Our food is not over yet, Ra. Hope time?" casually he replied while examining the results of his camera aim.

"Not that. I mean ...."

"Hm?"

Kenneth is still casually responding to me. But what I'm talking about is important, which he must listen to very well.

"I mean .. our relationship. Shrimp ...."

I have tried slowly and carefully when I say it. And Kenneth slowly raised his gaze directly towards my eyes.

"Where, Ra?"

"Enough, Ken. Just our relationship. I've decided to–"

"What are you talking about, Ra?"

"Ken."

"You don't talk in vain, okay?"

I shook my head slowly. It is hard to say all this. Part of my heart felt sick because it saw the expression on Ken's face that immediately turned cloudy. Because I have dimmed the happiness of that handsome man.

It's okay, it's nothing compared to if I still chose you but we can't be together. Or even a lot of disaster after that. I really didn't want that to happen to him.

"There will definitely be women who are better than me, Ken."

"Nothing" he insisted. His tone was too stiff. Likewise with the look of his eyes that now look sharp looking at me.

"I'm bad with you."

"Wicked why the hell, Ra? If it's because of something between you and Reiki . I don't care, Ra. That's not an important issue,"

"Ken ..."

"So you prefer him?"

I was silent for a moment before shaking slowly. "It's not so."

"Then what? Why don't you choose me when you're comfortable with me? Why, Ra? Give me a reasonable explanation."

"I don't know, Ken .." I'm comfortable with him. But I was too afraid of the consequences that would have to happen afterwards. Because I know very well how powerful Reiki is in having me. And how great Reiki's wish is with me.

"What kind of answer is that, Ra? You know that you hurt me like this?"

I covered my face with both palms. I'm frustrated too. But no one will understand how I feel right now. Whatever decision I make will always be wrong from any angle.

"Sorry, Ken ..."

"I can't be far from you, Ra. I want to marry you. Just so you know that actually tonight I have prepared a proposal for you, which unfortunately you even rejected before I started to say."

Ken's words suddenly flabbergasted me and caused me guilt. How could I not know his good intentions?

But it all happened. Maybe it's better than me to turn him down after he proposed to me.

I saw Ken take something out of his inner coat pocket. A box that I believe is the ring that he was about to propose to me.

My heart ached even more seeing him who looked disappointed. How could I hurt such a good Ken? It's true that in fact I was too evil for him.

"You can still change your mind, Ra," he said slowly. His gentle gaze returned and his bitter smile was forced to expand to look even sweeter.

I paused for a moment before replying, "I'm that bad, huh, Ken? Hence, you better look for a woman who–"

I was quite surprised when Ken threw the ring box behind me. In this room there are only two of us. A private room Ken ordered from a five-star restaurant. It's not the first time Ken has booked a private room like this to maintain his privacy as a famous artist. So I didn't expect that this time he had any intentions towards me.

"Just be honest with me, Ra!" yell Ken started to get emotional. "What else is the reason you didn't vote for me, huh? It's definitely because of him."

I shook my head hard. It's not exactly. It's hard if I have to explain. Because of course Kenneth will not stop and will never let go of me even if his opponent is a big family and his own cousin.

"Why do you have to?"

"I'm like this because you're too good for me, Ken," I tried to explain one of the reasons I had.

"Classic, Ra. That kind of rejection is no longer his day."

"That's the truth, Ken. I feel like you're too good for me. You're that smooth, you're that sweet. While me? I am not able to take care of myself. I'm too helpless when it comes to your cousin. And I hurt you, Ken. I don't want that."

"So you still have the same taste?"

"Do not know ..."

I'm not lying. I don't really know what I really feel about Reiki. I do hate that man, but I also know for sure that there is a taste that never goes away in the deepest corner of my heart.

"That means 'yes' ..."

"Whatever your mind is. I must be honest, right?! I can't even explain to you very well what Reiki has done to me. I'm ashamed, Ken. I feel like I've done evil to you."

"If that's the problem you're thinking about," Ken's voice softened. "Then you don't have to worry, Ra. I told you, I'll accept you for who you are. Whatever you've done, I don't care. Even I can guarantee that anything will never happen again. Because I love you too much, Rara."

But I'm disgusted with myself, Ken. If in fact Reiki is able to touch me anytime and anywhere, even when me and Ken are in a relationship, then what kind of name is worth pinning for a woman like me?

I shook weakly. I was determined to fight this pain. Pain that is not much when compared to later. A disaster that will happen if I dare to choose Ken in my life.

Not a single tear fell on my cheek. "I love you, Ken. I don't want you–"

"Bullsh!t, Ra! Don't say anything more painful."

Immediately I agreed to his words. He's right, I can't say anything more hurtful in the future. Then this painful decision is the best for Ken.

Sorry, Ken ...

Knowing you is the most beautiful thing in my life. Even so, we must accept that we cannot be a match for now.

"Ra .. plis, thank me .. This is the last time I'm begging. Marry me, huh?"

Ken looked at me tastefully. It makes my heart hurt even more. How could a man who was judged by many women in this country even beg me? And how can I also be a woman who is so stupid for rejecting her.

I lied if I didn't like it. Although the taste is not as great as the taste I once had for Reiki, but really this feeling of liking is as smooth as it is.

If I had accepted Kenneth to be my life partner ...

Reiki will be angry. Surely Grandma would not approve it. Surely the Maheswara family will oppose him, even though Kenneth's parents may have accepted me. Surely one Indonesian will harm me. Yeah, I'm too ordinary to be Kenneth Barata's life partner.

Of course my life will not be calm and I don't know what Reiki will do to us, to Ken. I'm even afraid to imagine Ken being hurt by Reiki.

Kenneth looked away as his eyes seemed to glaze over as he looked at me. So with the sight it succeeded in making me sob grievously and cover my face again with my hands while letting out unstoppable tears again.

Don't do this, Ken ... Don't expect me to. Because I'm not a woman worthy of being with you.

Suddenly I felt my head being carried into someone's arms. I was getting sobbing when I realized that Kenneth was now holding my head tightly to his body. I was the one who hurt him. I was the one who rejected it. But he was still willing to embrace me and calm me from all this sadness.

His hand rubbed my head with love. Somehow I knew that he had accepted my decision.

"Come whenever you want .. Then I will always accept you."

...***...