Like Drama's

Fourty one's

Finished washing the dishes of the equipment that my mother and I had just used for dinner, I intended to head immediately to the front sofa of the television. It is so usually, if the night comes, after dinner then we both spend one to two hours for us to relax in front of the tv. After that either me or mom will immediately go to our respective rooms. Either doing this or that, what I'm guessing is that my mom is still holding back the sense of papa's recent loss, by blowing it up when she's alone in her room.

Mom caught up with me on the couch. His hand grabbed my hand to carry into his lap, as usual.

We watched television to repeat the ritual every day. This we did to fill our void that was just the two of us inside this house.

"How many Japanese men are interested in Mama's daughter today?" mama asked casually while stroking my hair. And I slept in his lap.

"Uhm, just two today."

Well, whenever a guy comes near me, I'll tell my mom. It was like a confiding session that I always do every day.

"Why don't you start with one of them?"

"Nothing's interesting, Ma."

"Seriously? They're that bad?"

"No. That's not what I meant."

"So?"

It seems like mom was too curious why I never seemed interested in one of them.

"No one touched my heart. Trus I can what? Fake love?"

"Come, Ra. Don't be that serious,"

"Should I pretend to be in love just for fun?"

Mama held both sides of my cheeks for me to look at, "Hey, you know that's not what I mean."

I just smiled.

Mama kissed my forehead and said, "Open your heart, baby. Allow your heart to flower because it feels happy. Have you forgotten Montana?"

I let out a breath. Did the end come also when I had to tell someone I had started trying to forget.

"Montana's been to the sea, Ma ..."

Then mom smiled. "really?"

"Yes. Montana is far from my heart. It's been a long time."

"Then?"

Okay, maybe I should tell my mom. But not all. "There's someone else ..."

I saw my mom widen her eyes. "really? Who her? Mom curious. Why are you just telling me?"

"Complicated, Ma. Not as Mama imagined. And I hope you haven't imagined anything about it."

"Why? Broken up again?"

I'm nodding.

"When?"

"Since I got here."

"Who? Schoolmates?" mom was really curious, I guess. The problem is, is it okay if I'm honest that I fell in love with the son of his rich friend?

"No" I replied briefly. I know my mom is still waiting for a clearer answer. "Ma, can Mama promise not to do anything when I'm done telling her?"

Mama frowned. "Don't make Mama curious, Zura."

"Yes, but Mama can promise me?" I got up from her lap and hugged the sofa cushion while leaning against the back of the sofa, like a mama.

"What would Mama do?" ask mama back. "No, Honey. Come story! Mama's curious."

Rakat, maybe I should tell you everything. I count in my heart before I start. Okay, this is for my own good, too. So there's no secret between me and my mom. "I fell in love .. with ... Reiki ... Maheshvara."

I nodded slowly. Noticing the expression on my face, I couldn't guess.

"Since when?" mama asked, raising both eyebrows.

"Yeah .. This isn't what Mama imagined-"

"What should Mama imagine?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Eitherway. That is certain ... Reiki approached me first."

"He has a crush on this beautiful Mama's son?"

"Don't know, Ma. I don't really understand him. It's just that ever since we met, he always said that I was his. Until the last time I had to fly here, he still had no intention of letting me go either. Hence, I desperately wanted to end my life solely so that he would let me go. And luckily ... once that's finally she relented."

Mama took my hand and held it tight. "You said you were in love, then why did you leave her?"

"Ma .. I told you it's complicated. Not as normal as usual. It's a classic, Ma. His family doesn't like me."

"Why? What's wrong with you, honey?" scatter mama with a dislike tone. "Or maybe they're not so lucky to have you."

Yes, the right self-comforting phrase, Ma.

"Because we're not equal to them. And Reiki was prepared by his family. As for me– I'm nobody."

"But that doesn't mean you have to end your life, Ra." Mama looked sad this time. Of course, the event of death is not a dark blanket in our lives today. Then I even touched on the life problem that I wanted to end that easily. Even in a different context.

"That's because Reiki won't let me go, Ma. I tried my hardest to get out of his life from the start. But he always managed to bring me back to him. He seemed to tie me up, and was even more possessive of me than papa. Maybe he was obsessed with me, so he wouldn't let me go if I hadn't tried to kill himself back then."

"Once she loves him is the same as you?"

"Come, Ma. I don't want to be confident. I'd rather believe that he's just obsessed with being overly possessive of me."

"But you can definitely feel that he is sincere with you or not?"

I thought for a moment, then I shook my head slowly. "I really don't know. Sometimes I feel he's sincere, but at other times, I know that he's as sincere as that to many women."

"So he's a playboy?"

"Don't talk about him again, Ma. I'm trying to move on again. I just want to know what Mama thinks of my story?"

"So you're over?"

"ultimate. End. Finishes. Done."

"Related?"

"Yes. I wish I'd never see him again. What do you think Mama?"

Mama took a breath before replying, "Mama's opinion .. well. What you think is good and makes you happy, Mama will definitely be supportive."

"Mama's not angry?"

"Why should you be angry?"

"I mean, uhm– they don't like me. Om and Aunt Maheswara. Mama's not angry with Mama's best friend? Aunt Widia?"

Mama put on her smile. "That's Mama's gonna talk to her later with dia–"

"Don't, Ma! Nay! I have no business with them. Leave it like this. To get out of the Reiki world is very difficult. So let it be like this. I will look for happiness elsewhere." I plead solemnly.

"You sure?"

"Related."

No. gabe. I don't know more exactly. He is still in my heart right now. Haven't left. Not lost. I don't know until when.

...***...