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Two days before graduation, I flew to Jakarta. Yes, with a hardened forced heart I travel home. Alya and Radit are part of the reason I feel her name coming home.
It was precisely Alya's house that I went to. My best friend did not suspect the slightest expression on my face that I forced as if ordinary. Just a few days ago, I witnessed my mother's departure from this world. Well, I'm as good as that at hiding the taste.
Later that night, when Alya finally asked me to immediately tell her how my life in Japan, my tears finally flowed without excuse. Unfortunately it was not the roaring cry, only the tears flowing as if I was watching a sad movie. I don't understand why either. Or where is the cry I hope will roar to vent my grief. There really isn't. And I don't know what the reason is.
"Rajuu ..." Alya. He screamed the first time I told him, so his papa mama came to us. Then came all that I felt tight in my heart to Alya of the family.
Aunt Lia crying in the arms of her husband–papa Alya– om Sandi. Alya cried while hugging me tightly.
"Wicked Lo, Raju! Why aren't you telling me? Such a big event you hold alone? You don't think I exist, do you?"
I kept letting them blame me. I don't know why I look for pain in my heart. Deliberately looking for a very painful feeling so that the pain can make me cry roared to the point of being tired. Yeah, I want to cry but I can't.
"Why don't you call, Ra? Auntie's gonna be there. Aunty will try to get there as soon as possible." this time Aunt Lia's talking. "So now Nadhifa and Faisal are gone? Mama Papa you, Zura?"
"Yes, Aunt. Sorry .." I whispered.
"No way, Ra. This is impossible. Aunt can't believe it yet. Hicks ..."
"Lo don't think I'm sadara anymore?" alya was angry with tears.
I shook my head weakly because I was unable to speak.
"Gue same Radit still sodara lo, Ra! There is still us as sodara lo! Understand?!"
I just nagged.
"Lo take it all on your own as if you could, HUH? Lo evil!" Alya was crying while angry. And I understand the reason. "Gue can still buy airline tickets to Japan, Ra. Even though my savings will decrease, I will. As long as I'm there to hug you. I was crying, I was sleeping. I still love you, Raju!"
I know, Alya loves me. Likewise, I always loved Alya who was like my own biological father. But I really want to survive alone. I'm capable. I'm willing.
"Don't be like me, Ra. Don't look at me like I'm just a stranger. I'll always be Alya sodara lo!"
"Steady, Ra .." om Sandi stroked my head. Aunt Lia was already sitting on the edge of Alya's bed and was still closing her eyes, as she pleased.
"Yes, Om. Sorry I came instead bring news of grief." I let go of Alya's embrace.
"Don't be a strong ass! Don't be tough! Crying here in my arms. Whenever I receive tears. I accept your grief. Know?!"
Just a nod that I give her every time Alya vents her anger.
A few moments quiet. Just heard as much as Alya and Aunt Lia. I knew that inevitably I had to tell Alya and Radit. Even though it means my sorrows will be their sorrows as well. The relationship between the three of us was so close, as well as with our sincere families being close as well.
"Gue graduation tomorrow the day after tomorrow, but–" my slow words were immediately cut off by Alya.
"Quiet down! There's still my family with Radit's family. We're a big family. Elo is never alone. Never consider yourself alone! Know?!"
Can it be like that? It doesn't feel good, although it must feel sad and different. If you live longer than a month, they can definitely attend my graduation, right?! I will be happy like everyone else. But destiny says something else. My graduation day without them attending. Without them, and without them. Now the question is, am I able to go there with the reality of the shadow of my parents who have not long left the world?
"We are your family, Ra," Sandi told me.
"Thank you, Om ..."
"Om same Aunt is your parent too."
I nodded with a down look. Oh come on, where are my tears? I want to cry.
"Don't worry about anything, don't think anything," Aunt Lia said softly. "As long as we are, you will never be alone, Ra. Believe the same Auntie?"
"Thank you, Auntie" I said, hugging the woman. I really miss my mom. I feel like I smell mommy on Aunt Lia's body.
"Gue willingly shared Mama Papa just as you doang, Raju." Alya rubbed my head. "We are family. Point."
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