Just a Bond

Salah

It feels like a long time ago, yes, I didn't show up in front of you. I can guess a lot of people miss.

"Did, you're so smart, Han."

"There will be no one who misses the model man lo. How dare you be a girl."

"Torture the inner person to make heavy stress."

"It turns out you're still alive. Why not just go to the afterlife?"

I'm sure those words, aren't you guys going to comment when I say something was missing?

Huft, yes. I am a bad man and husband. Without you guys, I'm very conscious now. But ... Try, deh, calm down a little bit. I was, tuh, want to say, there must be a lot of miss to blaspheme me. You must want to know what kind of karma I reaped from my actions all this time to Najwa.

Must be true, right, my guess?

Well, so now calm down. Just enjoy my story that I think is very sad at this time. But I'm sure you're happy. I have lived the karma of my past actions. And certainly according to your wishes, I suffered because I could not be with the person I love when he was still in this world.

Counting on one month from the incident at the house of Najwa at that time, I did not know the news of him at all. Every time I come to Dad's house, morning, afternoon or evening, even night, I'm not given the chance to meet him at all. Never be found, just opened the door. I was thinking how could her family be that same as me. In fact, even though the distance between my house and Najwa is not so far away, if every day back and forth there must be dear, right, how does it feel?

But, yeah, how? I see, they must still be hurt and it's hard to meet me.

Sometimes on one side I want to let go of Najwa. I think it was enough to make her suffer during our marriage. But on the other hand, there is still a little hope in our hearts to be able to maintain our household.

Wh why? First, I love Najwa and want to try once again to make up for the miserable days she had experienced in the past. Second, it's been a month, but there's no movement whatsoever from my family-in-law. Even though a month is long enough if only made to think about the decision. Especially with Najwa's decision at that time, there should have been a subpoena from the court, right, for the divorce hearing?

"You don't work, Han?"

I turned to the door, and Mother was already standing there. He came to my house and Najwa every day, just to make sure I was okay, she said.

What Mother did made me realize that no matter how bad the temper and attitude of a child, no story of parents will stop caring. It is natural that Mother and Father are angry until they silence me a few days after that. But, after that they came back to me, bringing support even in a different way. Father with a cold attitude but I'm sure he cares and Mother who came back to attention to me. I still remember how Mother's attitude when reprimanding the Father when I stayed at their house after from Najwa's house.

At that time, at night, my body felt uncomfortable. When touched, my skin is hot but feels cold. Plus it feels weak. So I just crouch in the room. Every now and then Mother comes and asks me my situation. In fact, when the Father blatantly forbade Mother not to spoil me too much, he did not heed.

"This man, yes. This is someone's own child, not someone else's." Those were the words of Mother during the protest to the Father who forced me to leave the room to discuss the continuation of our problems. "Anged, anyway, can. But look at his condition as well. The child wants to be sick like this still wants to be forced out. Wear the show spelled out in all pampered."

"Father just wants the matter to be over soon, Bun. Because the loser's mental child was father until he ran out of words, confused to say what Ahmad was talking about."

I who was tired of the incident that was quite draining and emotional yesterday, can only stay in bed watching the Father and Mother argue.

"Bikin's ashamed of you to him."

With eyes bulging Mother replied, "Don't forget that the child you call a loser is also your child! Don't just think about your self-worth, think about your child. It's not just you who's hurt and disappointed with Farhan. I am the same.

But try to correct yourself, Farhan is selfish and thinks only of himself when he is with Najwa, and look at your current attitude. You think only of yourself, think of your ego who is ashamed of Mr. Ahmad without thinking about what I feel when I see my son constantly being cornered even by his own father. How is it different from Farhan?"

Mr. Silence, there was a tinge of sadness seen on his face that I had seen before looking down. And I, could only continue to watch their interactions. My condition is really weak, so even to make a sound is difficult. But in my heart there is a growing sadness. All my age I never heard Mother use the word "me-you" to the Father. And at that time, the first time I saw my mother was so disappointed with you.

"If you just want to make Farhan worse, you better get out of here."

And thanks to the anger of the Mother, the attitude of the Father softened a little to me. Although not much to say, at least he did not make me more dizzy.

"Your daydreaming work will not be profitable, Farhan." I gasped as Mother began to suppress the intonation of her words.

I put a small smile on my beloved woman. "I work, really, Bun. I am just as confused as the owner of this room. So, stay here for a while. It's still half six, too, Bun."

I have indeed been honest to the Father and Mother about the true events and my current feelings for whom. I learned a little from the past that I don't have to hold my own feelings forever. I should have talked from the beginning, not created a misunderstanding.

And as soon as I said I missed this woman whose room I was occupying, I saw Mother's eyes condense. I'm sure he would also be sad to remember his daughter-in-law on that one. However, he can still smile softly at me. Mothers are really great at being able to neutralize those feelings quickly.

With a shaky step, he moved to where I was sitting. As soon as he arrived, he pulled me in his arms, so that his waist was what I was hugging.

"Patient, yes, son. If you miss your wife, pray for her, I hope she's okay. Forgive Mother who until now has not been able to help you."

Still in Mother's arms, I shook my head. "Mother is very helpful to me. Though Mommy should not care about me, because I am the source of the problem, but Mommy wants to be by my side. That's what I need, Bun."

Mother unraveled her arms, looked down and looked at me long enough. After that, he sat down next to me. These two hands were held quite tightly. Quite a long moment of silence, a sweet smile returned to her lips.

"Importantly, right now you are willing to try to solve the problem and want to fix your mistakes in the past. You ... What will you do after this, son? It's even been a month of that."

I breathe heavily.

"I'm confused, Bun. His condition went wrong. One side still wants to continue, because what I am experiencing at this time may not be anything compared to Najwa. On the other hand, I want to give him. But ... so far there has been no communication between us. She was afraid that she would assume that I did not want to fight for her. Though ...."

...***...

Sumenep, August 7, 2022

Sorry, yes, long lost news. I wasn't okay yesterday. God willing I will upload it again in front of him. Hopefully it can be istikamah. Thank you to the readers who are still loyal in this field and are willing to give support for me, yes. May the Lord repay you all with the best of recompense. Be healthy, yes, you guys. 😘