Just a Bond

Sincerity Crisis

"Mas, today I permit to Bangkalan, yes. Mas Reza also promised to pick me up this morning."

His intention was that I would leave without notice to Mas Farhan. Besides, he wouldn't care about me, would he? However, I remembered the words of Mother, 'Women if they already have a husband, want to go everywhere must be permission and allowed by her husband. Not just permission, lo, yeah. But it is also allowed. If it is not allowed, then every step of the wife who does not get permission from her husband is recorded sin.'. Even though she wasn't nice to me all this time, who knew there was such a miracle this morning, right? At least he gave permission even though he did not drive or come. I told Mas Reza that Mas Farhan would not allow it, I would cancel the plan. And Mas Reza understands that.

I saw Mas Farhan straighten up, then stared at me for quite a while. Wonderful, anyway. What's trying on my face? Why does Farhan like to look at me? Watch out for falling in love, lo, Mas.

When that comes to mind, the other side of me then commemorates, dream, Najwa. That's not gonna happen. How not? The gaze that Mas Farhan gave me was nothing good at all. He's got a hate perspective. How can I fall in love?

All right, just ignore the thoughts that like to cross in the head, which must be protesting against each other. Back to Mas Farhan.

My husband got up, then approached me who was still standing on the porch steps. "Why sudden?"

What do you mean, huh?

"I told Mas Reza from yesterday. But he could pick it up today."

Mas Farhan snorted, making me knit an eyebrow. Is something wrong?

"Your husband is Mas Reza what am I?"

Huh huh? I gawked at Mas Farhan's question. This means how? Mas Farhan is angry? What reason was he angry? Because he whose status is my husband just found out that I want to go to Bangkalan? Or feel unappreciated as a husband? I told you this, didn't I?

I did not have time to answer, Mas Farhan has continued, "Why even tell Mas Reza first?"

Was it true that Mas Farhan was angry that the first person who knew of my plan was Mas Reza? So why? Is this also a hint that Mas Farhan will improve his attitude?

"What's wrong, Mom? Mas Reza my brother. Who wants to visit my family."

"If you go home with Mas Reza, what will they think of me?"

The hope that I thought would be realized was still far, far away. What I saw this morning was not a clue to my hope. It's just a mirage in the heat of the day.

Exhaling a tired breath, I lowered my head deeply. Honestly, I'm tired. After I struggled, then there were signs of success, but in reality it was just a pseudo-shadow, it was painful. I was again disappointed by my own expectations.

Hence stop wishing on other than Him, Najwa.

Mas Farhan asked so just for the sake of his good name in front of my family. He doesn't want to get a bad stamp on them, does he? Oh, my God, my. In addition to jaim in front of the Father and Mother, it turns out you want to jaim in front of my family too? Really, just this time I met the most selfish human being like this. What the hell is on your mind, Mom? If you don't want to accept me, why approve of this marriage?

Ah, the edges go back to that question, right? A question I don't yet know what the answer is. I've been bored with that question for a long time.

I gently wiped the tears that were somehow dripping down, before looking up and looking at Mas Farhan. After feeling quite calm, I raised my head, then forced a smile towards him. "My family will understand that Mas Farhan is busy. I also will not vilify my husband. If that's what Mas Farhan thinks, don't worry."

Because my purpose in coming home is to relax. I also miss Dad. I also called Mas Gibran, Weny and Rifka to come home. I want to shift the pressure on the mind by gathering with them. I plan not to bring my wedding topic to them. Purely want quality time with family.

Mas Reza also had time to ask why I did not ask to transfer to Mas Farhan. However, I was tangled with the pretext of quality time with that family. Of course with the spice negotiations that must be really steady. Because Mas Reza is sensitive and sensitive when it comes to me. In the end, my second brother promised to pick me up, if I get permission.

"Give me permission, right?" I waited for Mas Farhan's decision with anxious expectation.

"Just like I'm going there."

I blinked for a bit, then refuted, "Mas, if Mas Farhan can't, nothing, really. I promise I won't say anything about Mas Farhan, about us to them." I pointed my index and middle fingers towards Mas Farhan. Don't forget the facial expressions I made as confident as possible. "I'm telling you this, just need Mas Farhan's permission. Not telling me to come. Seriously, not mode, Mas."

"Geez, Najwa. You're so fucking bungled, huh?" mas Farhan's. I grimaced again as he stared hard at me. I wonder why I can take it like this. I'm carrying, say, just the same people who are close to me, like Mas Reza. Just like Gibran did not. Like I said at the beginning. And as for Mas Farhan, reflecting from his previous attitude I should have been afraid to make a sound, right? Since it was a little wrong, he must have been angry. But I don't know why I'm the opposite. Like the bodo, it is the same attitude of Mas Farhan.

"What do I think I can?" Mas Farhan brought out his signature style. Stare sharply with a super flat voice.

I took a deep breath. "Mas, sorry about before. But Mas Reza has promised to pick me up. He can, really." I still care about my stance. I am really lazy to involve Mas Farhan, because it will not escape from the charade.

"Can you tell Mas Reza that you came home with me? I am your husband. It's appropriate to go home to her parents-in-law, right?"

Sincerity crisis, everything is full of falsehoods. Ironical.

"But, Mas-"

"What else, Najwa? Why not just get ready, keep going, let us quickly get to Bangkalan? If you bring it, busy protesting continues, until the apocalypse will not reach your home."

How not to taste if Mas Farhan has shown his temperament side? Me too, anyway. Why is it like a hobby to find trouble? An easier alternative, even more difficult.

"What is Mas Farhan's job? I said Mas Farhan was busy with Mas Reza."

"Therefore do not conclude first if you do not know the originals. Not talking to me yet."

Mas, I'm moved, lo, same words as you. If ... ah, it would be so sad for my life. Too many if. You must be bored, right? Same. I was the only one who was going through, feeling very bored. Especially those of you who are just watching. Comments must be flooded, just like judgmental netizens without knowing the real situation. Eh, sorry. It means nothing. It's just a reflex.

Mas Farhan had already turned around to enter the house. However, I don't know why my lips even issued another sentence of call. Mas Farhan turned around quickly, with an annoyed look clearly visible on his face.

"What else?"

"Is it really not the same job?"

"Yes. My friends can take care of the studio and the store."

I nodded in understanding. "But Mas Reza's already brought a car-"

"You're busy protesting just because Mas Reza brought a car? I have a car too, if that's the only problem. You forgot when we first got into this house on what?"

Come to think of it, the reason I protested from earlier is not clear. How would Mas Farhan understand if I felt I didn't understand? Messed up. However, one thing I just realized was, Mas Farhan was patient, yes, today? He countered all my annoying protections, though still with his formal, cold trademark. What ... stop hoping if you do not want to be disappointed like before. Remember, he just doesn't want his good name to be bad in your family's eyes, Najwa.

"Now call Mas Reza, keep saying, 'No need to be picked up. I went home with Mas Farhan', that's it."

Exhaling for a moment, I grabbed my phone in my skirt pocket and contacted Mas Reza.

"Yes, why, Dek?" It was Mas Reza's voice that sounded shortly after the call was connected.

"Where is Mas Reza?"

"Mas is still at home. It's ready to go. Wh why? Farhan's not ngizinin, is he?"

I heaved a sigh of relief at Mas Reza's reply. I'm sorry if he's gone, but I have to turn around.

"It's not that, Mom. I went home with Mas Farhan."

As soon as I got the answer and was going to wait at home from Mas Reza, I decided on a call.

"It." I went straight into the house and got ready to leave.

......***......

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Sumenep, Madura, East Java

Friday, 18 June 2021