Just a Bond

Like Being Taken to Fire

Leaning my back against the couch and closing my eyes, I kept breathing deeply. Just reading half of it feels like it is not able to continue. Knowing the painful facts of his own actions to Najwa through writing has made me feel guilty. How did Najwa survive all this time? Recollecting the dark times that I had created in our domestic relationships some time ago turned out to trigger feelings of guilt that grew. I held tightly to the diary book in my grasp, as if it was emitting all emotion towards that thing.

“Damn, you, Farhan!” Again, it was that curse that came out of these lips.

After some time, I opened my eyes again, then continued the remaining reading. Although it feels unable to because it knows the contents must be all about the suffering of Najwa, curiosity dominates.

What if my father finds out? Or my brothers, especially Mas Reza? Can they accept your treatment of me? It certainly won't. Especially with Reza. That's why I chose to shut up, Mom. I'm afraid they're separating us, but I still want to fight harder. I love and love you. That's why I fight.

You know what I feel? Disillusioned. Yes, disappointed in yourself for having wasted a woman as good and sincere as Najwa.

“And now your brothers know, Najwa. I should how? Will you keep fighting?”

I ruffled my hair for a while as Najwa said the words before she left. I leaned against the head of the cot, staring at the book fixedly. "You don't really want to separate from me, do you, Najwa? I will join your efforts to fight for our marriage, Najwa. I'll come for you.”

This is the decision I made. Ready not ready, I really have to take off one of them. And the most important thing is to make the decision that I should have taken from the beginning. I looked back at Najwa's diary. “But I don't know when it will start everything, Najwa. I need time, you also definitely need time to recover your health.”

Upset, I threw the book in any place. I might be crazy if this continues. Negative emotions that continue to overflow and haunting fears always manage to create chaos in themselves. I laid my body on my back in bed, my eyes closed, but they failed. The dominating chaos made him unable to fall asleep. Frustrated, I got back out of bed. Wailing for a while around the room, finally this gaze returned to the diary Najwa book lying on the floor. Quiet for a moment while looking at the book, I finally lowered my legs and grabbed the book again, and yes.

I don't know how long you'll hold on to your cold, angry attitude towards me. My one hope, Mas. May I be destined to conquer your heart. Really, I love you so much and wish we could have this marriage to the end. Until we are separated by death. Either I am called first, or you. If I may ask, I want me to go first. Wh why? Because I'm afraid I can't be left behind by you, Mom. But ... If we weren't meant to be together until the end, what would I do?

The feeling of not willing to let Najwa back into the heart after reading the last sentence. I stared at the book as if I were talking to Najwa. “No, Najwa. We must be together until the end. I will do anything to keep you.” The index finger pointed at the book. “You heard ‘kan I said what? I will come, for you, Najwa. I will confess everything to our parents and atone for all the suffering you have endured. Note that!”

This look continued to shine a sharp light on the book. Although it felt like the body was starting to burn because from the first time I read the book it was like being treated to fire in every sentence, I still tried to emphasize myself to finish the reading.

Whether this writing can be read or not by you, nothing, Mas. After all, this is only a means of emotional evaporation. Because besides I'm sure you won't be able to read, if emotions aren't evaporated, I'm afraid I'm dropping. I don't want that to happen.

As it turns out, everyone has their own way to ease the burden of the problem. You are really strong, Najwa. You can survive this far, only helped by this simple way. Yes, although I know this is not out of His sight. I'm so stupid, right? How fortunate I was to be given a strong wife like Najwa. If she wasn't my wife, she might have filed for divorce in the first place, right? The time to the parents, to the point of sacrificing his feelings and his life, is truly amazing. I just realized now, everyone must have a side less and more each.

Oh, aye. You know what, Mas? When you get angry and put a cold look on your face, you look more handsome. Ah, believe it? It's up to you, anyway. Believing is okay, no problem.

Love is sometimes crazy. Maybe he fell on the wrong guy. Ah, naw. It's not the love that's crazy, but the person that has that love is crazy. I knew I would suffer by loving, not stopping. Uh, wait. Is it the same as me saying I'm crazy dong?

“Gosh. Wonderful to you, Han.”

Will I be able to face you any longer, Mom?

I was stunned to read it. “You can do it, Najwa. I know you're a tough woman.”

Actually, you're good, Mas. Although it seems cold, there is an implied attention in your words and actions. That's what makes me so sure to fight for you. Sorry, yes. I protested a lot with you. You even tasted me chatty. But it's okay. Icriminal. I'm chatty about you anyway, Mom. I want you to make your voice out for me. Rather than just being quiet, right?

Have a good rest, my beloved husband. Have a good dream, yes. Sorry, I stole a kiss on your forehead. Because I know you won't allow it if you don't fall asleep.

I froze a little reading that sentence. Some time later, this hand fingered the forehead, even crossed how did he do it? Najwa, apparently ....

“Farhan!”

***

Hello, who's waiting for Mas Farhan? Sorry, yes. Yesterday Mas Farhan again took a walk, refreshing him, because of the stress left by Najwa. 😂😂😂

Kuy comment. Will soon be exciting. Mas Farhan is soon to meet Najwa's father, Genks.

Sumenep, Madura, East Java

Friday, 24 September 2021