Just a Bond

Frustratingly

I got up and stood straight in front of Najwa. Staring at him fixedly, barely even blinking for a few seconds. I tried to scan the look created on his face that still looked pale. Like that, he turned his face away. Letting me just stare at the temple. How could I not be upset when ignored like this?

"Najwa, what pan—" My reflex words came to a halt as the shadow of my behavior towards Najwa twisted abruptly. How about when I ignored him, looking at him sharply because of the dominating negative emotions, then when he started to dare to sneer at me while at his father's house.

"How, Mas? It's good not to be dicuekin?" That's the sentence Najwa responded to which I still remember until this very second.

My hands spontaneously clenched on both sides of the body. I still stared at Najwa, who was not looking at me anymore.

It seems that being ignored is so painful. Then how did Najwa get through those days that must have been painful because of me?

With mixed emotions, but always trying to hold back, I slowly held my hand and lifted it to reach back Najwa's shoulder. Slowly, I pulled her body, and grabbed her face and faced her to me. I forced her to look me in the eye with her face cupped. He said, to know if someone is lying or not, look in his eyes. Then something like that happened again, he tried to escape. But I'm not giving up.

"Gear me, Najwa. Tell me that you no longer love me," I said, diving into her two clear eyes. Although faint, I saw those eyes dewy. "Tell me honestly through your eyes, tell me that you really want a separation between us."

Ah, I don't know what I should be describing my current feelings. I'm rattled. When I tried to dive into Najwa's sea of eyes and couldn't understand anything but those tears, I felt even more upset. All my life, only this time I felt so desperate.

Anyone, please tell this wife that I really don't want to part from her! I really fell in love with him!

My body felt limp waiting for the seconds Najwa opened his voice. However, I was trying to hold on for my naive nature. And Najwa, did he not know that his silence and his gaze did not lead to me were really tormenting me?

Long enough I waited, until my feet felt sore from standing too long, Najwa did not speak.

I finally reopened my voice, "Let's say, Najwa. Why are you even silent? If you are no longer willing to fight for our relationship, you will not look away like this."

Maybe I will be impressed too confident in front of everyone because concluding the attitude of Najwa who does not want to come face to face with me at this time is a form of denial of the decision sentence earlier. But I'm sure Najwa still loves me—maybe even very loving. People who are already in love with someone, it will be difficult to remove it, so to part, it will be difficult for him.

"Mas, stop. I don't think there's anything else we should discuss."

I growled stifled. He broke my hopes with that word. The head reflexively shook to see this change in my wife's attitude.

Why did my Najwa turn into such a stubborn person? Where is my good Najwa? Where is he now? What have I missed about her that I feel so lost to my Najwa? How long have I been without her?

God, why does it feel like this sick?

Ah, true the saying goes, there is no story of calves in front. It will always be in the back. Could this be the form of karma that I have to accept for my past attitude towards my wife?

I groaned in frustration. "Najwa, how can there be no more things to discuss?"

"I told you, didn't I? Why force ourselves to step together if our goals are different?" This time he boldly looked me in the eye. Not like that. It seemed like he had already managed to gather pieces of courage to challenge me.

"Oh my God, Najwa!" I lowered both hands from her face, then switched to ruffling her hair. "How do I make you understand that I have decided to walk in the same direction as you? I even considered it long before we came to your father's house."

"But I no longer want to walk side by side with you, Mom? Why do you always corner me with words that seem to mean something to me?"

What kind of words are those?

"Because I know you still love me, Najwa. The source of your happiness is me." With so much confidence I acted as if it was true. Though it is nothing more than entertainment for yourself that is starting to lose its way.

"Stop talking nonsense, Mom. I chose to retreat because I'm not happy with you and that's indeed my heart's desire, even from long ago."

I looked at him closely followed by a smile that was more appropriately spelled grin.

"My wife's already learned to play, huh?" I could not help but be silent and not appreciate the development of Najwa's current attitude. He looked at me sharply. "If that is indeed the wish of your heart, why should there be tears running through your tyrannical cheeks, dear Najwa?"

"Stop calling me that!" I gasped a little when I heard Najwa raising his voice. This was the first time I had seen her until I dared to raise my voice.

Who wouldn't be angry if they were in this situation? Well, it seems like I really have to give up first.

I took a step closer to Najwa who stepped back. He's like avoiding criminals. I am this ....

"Najwa, lookout!" Lucky I moved quickly to catch him who stumbled over the rocks behind him. Luckily I was strong enough to hold our bodies so that they did not fall. I secretly admire the beauty of this woman who is my wife. Even under any circumstances, her face always looked natural—because I noticed she did not like cosmetics, in contrast to Rifka—she always looked beautiful. Why did I realize that my wife was so charming?

"Mas, my waist is cramping, nih. When do you want to get to this?" Najwa's voice that was heard sulking it made me realize that our positions were still hugging each other in an upright position. "Come, Mas. This is not a soap opera drama. I could break a bone if this keeps going."

God, how long have I not heard this woman's babble? I feel so happy to hear my wife sulking. She was like coming back to be my Najwa, my wife I knew first.

***

Hi, I'm updating early in the morning. Enliven, yuk.