Just a Bond

Retreating?

"Najwa, let's say, Deck," Mas Gibran's ink was soft. Najwa did not answer. He is still trying to ease the crying in the arms of Mbak Diva.

"Come, talk as much as you can," slowly Diva while stroking her head wrapped in a veil. Long enough time passed, Najwa finally broke the embrace of Mbak Diva. He wiped a trace of tears on his cheek with the back of his hand. The first person he went to was Rifka.

"Ka, consciously as you know, Mbak apologized to you," he said in a raucous voice. "I'm sorry that the existence of Mommy always triggers envy in you."

Even after Rifka had hurt her repeatedly, Najwa still had time to apologize. O Allah.

"But please, you're an adult. Please reduce that attitude. Don't like to look at anything from what appears on the outside. Because you won't know what it's like to be in Ma'am's position, or whoever it is. Go to Mas Reza, Mas Gibran, even Weny."

Not getting a response from the intended person, he then turned to Dad. I saw tears coming back from the corner of her eye. He then slumped his head in Dad's lap and started crying again.

"Sorry, Dad. Forgive Najwa for not being able to truly make Dad happy." His shoulders were shaking, his cries were becoming.

"Already, Najwa. You don't have to apologize."

"But Najwa has disappointed me. Sorry, Dad."

"No, Son. So far you've struggled and that's enough for Dad. Let's get up." Dad raised Najwa's head, then looked at him deeply.

He gestured to continue his words so that he could rest immediately. He also complies.

He turned to Father, Father, and Mother, alternately. "Father, Father, and Mother, I apologize for hiding this. But honestly, I did all this for you." I saw him rubbing his tears violently. "Maybe from the beginning I accepted Mas Farhan because of you. Because I have no reason other than that.

But since I got married, I have a reason to accept him, which is because he's my husband. At first I thought Mas Farhan was going to change, so I tried to stay, even if I had to be hurt. I'm more sure he's going to change because the last few days he's been practically starting to pay attention to me."

I can only be quiet with my lips closed. Of course with a feeling of guilt that exploded because it had wronged people as good as Najwa. Even he was so optimistic even though I had been hurting all this time. From here, I felt I had little chance of coming back with Najwa and fixing anything that went wrong in our previous relationship. My little heart began to pray for that desire to come true. And with a hard heart, I kept waiting for the continuation of Najwa's words.

I quietly stiffened on the seat as Najwa suddenly turned his gaze towards me. In a moment our gazes were fluttering creating longing vibrations to the gazer. Honestly, today I have to admit that I miss him— misses him so much.

"I'm sorry for making you tormented by our marriage, ma'am." Najwa's voice distracts me from his face. "I'm sorry I couldn't achieve my dream."

Not to mention that I replied, Najwa suddenly turned his eyes again to the other side. Doesn't he feel at home lingering with me? I still want to make a sound.

"Dad, Father, Mother, I don't think I will be able to continue our marriage because until now Mas Farhan has not been able to accept me."

That one sentence from Najwa jolted me. I quickly stared at him who was not looking at me at all. I wanted to answer that what he said was wrong. But somehow, my voice felt stuck in my throat. I could only shake slowly, but Najwa did not look at me.

"I'm sorry, I'm backing out of this marriage, Dad."

Notwithstanding. That can't happen!

Quickly, I moved from my seat, and went to Najwa's side. I lowered my knees in front of him.

"Najwa, I beg you to give me one more chance to mend our relationship." My eyes are starting to water. I don't know. Hearing Najwa's decision felt very stifling. "I promise I won't be in touch with Rifka anymore. That's not the condition you applied for back then here?"

I don't care about any other crying voice that I believe belongs to Rifka. My priority right now is Najwa.

I was frustrated when Najwa was silent. Did he not hear me? It was as if there was nothing in his eyes.

I clasped both hands to hold. Although at first he was silent, at last he remained silent. I looked into her teary eyes that were fixed.

"Dear, please. I'm going to change, Najwa. I will accept our marriage. Please give me a chance to prove it to you."

And the slow shaking response Najwa gave me completely blew away all my hopes. Is there no chance for me to improve? Did ya?

"I'm disappointed in you, Farhan. Quickly take care of the divorce papers for Najwa. I don't want my son to suffer any more living together with an irresponsible man like you."

I looked towards Father who was still looking at me sharply. For a moment I turned towards Najwa, hoping that he would defend me in front of his father. But, her silence made me have to go back to gulping down disappointment.

Still maintaining the grip on Najwa's hand, while looking at Dad, I replied, "Dad, please, give me a chance to fix my household with Najwa."

Dad's gaze was sharpening. "For what, Farhan? Is not enough time for you to torture my son? Don't you see how much impact your actions have on my son? It's not just physical pain, Farhan! Psychically he's distracted! Brash son-in-law!" Along with that, a punch hit my face. The sound of the cries of Mother and Rifka, and Mbak Diva again sounded filled the room. In fact, Rifka moved to his father's side to prevent him who seemed not satisfied to vent emotions just by hitting once.

"Already, Dad! Please don't hit Mas Farhan again" Rifka said in a raucous voice. Because I'm sure she was crying.

"Conscious, Son. The one you defend is your mother's husband. Aren't you thinking about the feelings of your sister and husband who were silent there?"

I lowered my head, looked at the two hands I still held, and was lamented with sadness and disappointment because the person I was hoping to defend, was silent instead. Has the love he had for me faded away so he refused to defend me? Ah, thinking about that possibility, made me feel even more chaotic.

"Even after the words of apology from Rifki and Najwa were thrown out, you still stubbornly defended Farhan. Where's your conscience, son? Even Farhan said that he ended your relationship. What did they say from earlier was just a wind passing through for you? Come on, Rifka."

My God, why is Rifka so stubborn, anyway?

My head feels dizzy thinking about everything. Since Dad was still busy with Rifka, I took the initiative to take Najwa away from the living room. We need to talk.