Just a Bond

Just Tryin' Well

“Where to, Dek?” ask Mas Reza. His eyes glanced in the direction of my body slowly rising up from the seat.

“Mau salad Maghrib, Mas. Tuh, already azan.” Luckily it coincides with Azan. So, I don't have to bother turning my brain to find a reason to leave that place. Kulirik Mas Farhan's. “Come, Mas.”

He also rose up after saying goodbye to Mas Reza and Rifka.

The flash of events about Mas Farhan and Rifka's interaction in the front room of the house, re-presented in memory, making the feeling of arrogance inevitable. Yeah, I'm not gonna cover that up. I really realized that I was upset with them. What makes me even more upset is myself. Such a heart cannot control the negative thoughts that continue to bind, even when performing prayer, the shadow continues to follow.

I'm tired this way keep. Yes, I was born okay. However, the state of mind that continued as it was forged with various invisible conflicts, made me tired as well. I'm even lazy to do anything, but outside there are still Weny and Mbak Diva as well. They all decided to stay tonight.

“You didn't eat?” I spread my gaze towards Mas Farhan who had just entered the room. Yes, after performing the Isya’ prayer earlier, I was very lazy to leave the room. I don't know what my brothers will protest later if I go out. “Mas Reza asked if you want to eat anything, because the other brothers, again eat together Dad.”

I'm shaking. “Again, do not want to eat, Mas.” I really want to eat with Dad. But— “Yes Allah, Mas Farhan does not eat, right?” I'm starting to get excited.

“You didn't eat, so I didn't come. He said he wanted to call you to eat.”

I rubbed the entire side of my face. Quickly, I lowered my legs to the floor, grabbed the veil and then deftly fitted it, then pulled Mas Farhan's arm out of the room.

“Wait. Where do you want to take me?”

Because Mas Farhan suddenly stopped, I automatically stopped. I turned my body towards him. “Mas Farhan only ate this morning, ‘right? Why not just eat, anyway, was just offered?”

“Yes because you didn't eat—”

“Mas, I'm not eating anymore. Let me take Mas Farhan to the kitchen if Mas was embarrassed to come to eat because there was no me.” I pulled back his arm to go to the kitchen. “Mas Farhan must eat, Mas. It's been all day, you, I don't eat. How sick are you?”

However, my beloved husband even like deliberately upholding the body so that it can not be pulled by me. Sighing quite harshly, I turned my head back towards Mas Farhan. He was still flinching from where he stood—near the bed.

“If you can think of my health, why not with yourself?” My lips tightly closed. “What's the difference between me and you? We both ate this morning, right? Why not eat? Sick intentions?”

Oh, my God, my. I lowered my head again because suddenly there were tears that felt like dripping hearing Mas Farhan's sentence that implied caring. Ah, did Mas Farhan really start caring for me?

I took a deep breath, then after feeling quite calm, I looked up again. I put a little smile on these lips. “Still, Mas. But I really don't want to eat. I'm full.” Eat the heart!

Farhan remained silent. What does Mas Farhan want, anyway?

I let go of my hand on his arm while regressing my steps. I looked back at her sweet black face. I want to protest, but ....

“I'll just get food for Mas, huh? Sorry if I'm spanking. You don't have to think about me. I can eat anytime, Mas.”

Seeing the nod given by Mas Farhan I immediately went to get food for him.

May my brethren eat all, O God. I'm lazy to interrogate this-that.

I sighed softly—quite relieved it felt— the first time I entered the kitchen, there was already quiet. I rushed to get food for Mas Farhan for fear that someone might catch him.

Just finished taking the rice and side dishes that I thought were enough for Mas Farhan, I was surprised by the presence of Mbak Diva. Fortunately, I remember holding a plate. So, there will be no drama of broken plates and so on. Hearing my sister-in-law's call, I turned around. “You want to eat, Dik?”

I nodded stiffly while smiling.

The statement of the Diva made me bite my lips. There was guilt created in my heart because I could not accompany my father and other brothers.

O God, being too selfish, I unknowingly hurt their hearts. Forgive me, Lord. I'm sure you're thinking about why I didn't leave the room.

“Nothing, Ma'am. I was feeling exhausted earlier. So yes overslept abis salat Isya’.” In my heart I continue to perpetuate Istighfar because the answer I give is not the truth. “Ya already, Ma'am. I'm willing to go to the room. Poor Mas Farhan, afraid of waiting.”

Mbak Diva suddenly sneered, “Has fast Farhan was offered a meal together with no want. So want mabar same beloved wife turns out.”

Ah, I'm getting clumsy myself. Confused what it would look like. I then rush away, afraid of being bullied or asked questions again.

...***...

As soon as I arrived at the room, I saw Mas Farhan sitting on the couch with his legs crossed. His eyes seemed to be focused forward. I don't know what he's thinking. Slowly, I set my foot towards him.

“Mas, here's the food.” He turned his gaze towards me, then grabbed the plate I was thrusting. “There is no preferred menu, Mas?”

“No. I can eat all of this, kok.”

Mercifully. I don't want this morning to happen again.

Mas Farhan began to feed a spoonful after a spoonful of food. Really, so happy it felt when I could serve my husband like this.

“You really don't want to eat?” Mas Farhan glanced at me who was still standing beside him.

I just shook my head slowly followed by a smile that I kept trying to force. I should have looked fine in Mas Farhan's eyes. I felt it would be even more horrible for my life to expect a handover from him.

“It's drinking, yes, Mas.” I showed you the position of the glass I put on the bedside table. “If Mas is done, the plate put near the door only. Let me take it to the kitchen later.”

“Where are you going?”

Farhan Mas is very sensitive, huh? He might have realized that my gelagat was going to leave this room.

“I'm going to Dad's room first, Mas. I was thinking, because Mbak Diva just said he wanted me. All the way to Mas Reza's room as well.”

I was a little surprised when Mas Farhan suddenly put his plate on the nightstand next to the glass just now, even though the food was still half left. Especially when she looked back at me sharply, like interrupting.

“Why stop eating, Mas?”

“What do you want to room Mas Reza?”

...***...

I'm update. Please leave a trace if you like. May God repay your kindness, yes. Jazakumullah khairal jaza' wa ahsanah. Aamiins.

Sumenep, Madura, East Java

Tuesday, 3 August 2021-------