Just a Bond

Why Again?

"But Mas?" I began to put a look of water in front of him. Just once she was still in good fashion so it allowed me to go to Mas Reza's room for a while.

“What do you want, anyway, to Mas Reza's room? Time not satisfied to gather with him?" Mas Farhan did not seem to like it. Uh, or I just guessed wrong. "So late in the afternoon you've spent the same time with him, ‘kan? That's it, do not glance at the right-left side, just focus the same Mas Reza.”

Why else this?

O Lord, if this head were not Your creation. It is certain that he exploded because every surprise given by Mas Farhan was able to destroy him. Mas Farhan's attitude was more unpredictable. Just now he's acting sweet, now back jutek again. Want to continue to think positive also feels very difficult, because there are always negative things that accompany, and continue to create anxiety with the real thing.

“Mas Farhan why, anyway? What's wrong with me going to Mas Reza's room? He's my brother. I miss him.”

Mas Farhan looked back at me with a sharp gaze as usual. “Why is it just the same Mas Reza? Your brother isn't just him, is he?”

“Because from a long time ago, I was closest to Mas Reza.”

“Terus you want to confide in this-it's the same mas you?”

Mas Farhan was so scared, huh, same Mas Reza? Wh why? Then, why is he just sensitive to my second brother? Why not Mas Gibran? Has Mas Reza had time to talk with Mas Farhan about my condition this morning, so Mas Farhan deliberately kept his attitude? Ah, if this is the case, I'm even more eager to meet Mas Reza. I want to make sure that my dear brother doesn't say anything to my husband.

"Why silence?"

I was still silent, not knowing what to respond to. Fear for the sake of fear continues to slip into the heart, causing panic that is increasingly uncontrollable. I was afraid that things would go beyond my expectations. In addition, I was also afraid that when I was too expecting the change of Mas Farhan, it was dropped by reality. Too often dropped by the fact that it has become an inner trauma for me, and still very difficult for me to control, so I am vulnerable sensitive.

I raised my bowed head again after hearing Mas Farhan's question. For a moment, I let our gazes meet each other. To hell with the clumsy and awkward taste that then comes after.

“Mas Farhan this is really why? Mas Farhan is angry because I often spend time with Mas Reza, while the same Mas?” The more I looked straight into his thick eyes, trying to find things that could answer my curiosity.

However, the answer he gave again broke all my hopes.

“Besides daydreaming, now your hobby is added so like halu.”

Well, ‘kan? Look at my husband's response.

“It's so, it's overdosed. Do not be too high if imagining, later stressful or even crazy, just know the taste.”

Oh, my God, my. Your words are very bad. Already succumbed to the pain of being stabbed with a sharp sword of his taste.

I tried to blink for a while to ward off the tears that came back to want to drip from my eyelids. Who would not be hurt if they were always treated to such harsh words?

I smiled faintly, though inwardly wanting to laugh out loud, laughing at the increasingly ironic fate of myself.

“Thank you for reminding me, Mom. Ja. I will always remember your words.”

Don't get your hopes up if you don't want to die wondering when what you expect doesn't materialize.

My voice started to shake. "I do tell Mas Reza a lot of stories, but even once, I never told him about our problems, Mas." I took a slow breath, before finally continuing. "I wanted to meet Mas Reza, because I really miss him. I am not the same as my other brothers. But-" I wiped the tears that suddenly dripped just like that. He has been desperately holding it since.

I'm a big whimper, right?

“Sorry, I'm talking about things that are not at all beneficial to you, Mas. I'm clearance to Dad's room.”

I turned my body back, without waiting for another word from him.

“If you want to go to Mas Reza's room, you can. Origin don't be long.”

I just said, “Iya.” Although I can't guarantee that it will be there for a while.

...***...

“Mas,” call me while knocking on Mas Reza's room door. Long enough to wait, not forgetting to call him, finally the sound of Mas Reza telling me to come in.

“Not sleeping, Dek? What's up?” asked Mas Reza while taking his eyes off the laptop screen in front of him. I don't know what my brother did. He looked relaxed as he leaned down on the bed and stared at the laptop.

“Numbered, Mas. She said Mas Reza nyariin me, yes?”

Mas Reza moved the laptop from before him. “Come, Deck. Not in front of the door like that, like a beggar.”

God, what a bitch to my brother, yeah. Could she have said her sister was a gem?

I flicked my lips as I stepped towards him, then sat down beside him. I then explained why I had not eaten, certainly not the whole.

After discussing that, I moved our conversation. Actually, I wanted to be selfish by lingering in Mas Reza's place, but Mas Farhan's message was to keep me from lingering and Mas Gibran's warning not to dare to husband, he said, always succeed in defeating that desire. Alhamdulillah, yes. At least, I began to be able to control myself not to drag on in negative things.

“Mas?”

Mas Reza looked. “What?”

“Mas Reza said what was the same Mas Farhan?”

I grumbled in my heart when I realized that my question seemed too to the point. No small talk first, my God.

My mask's forehead shriveled, he looked at me for quite a while, then asked, “What's up, Dek?”

“On me crying in Mas's arms this morning.”

Mas Reza's two hands suddenly intertwined. The long silence made by my second brother led to the belief that he had talked with Mas Farhan. Not when.

“Mas?”

Before answering my question, Mas Farhan seemed to catch his breath first. He then cleared slowly. “Mas didn't say anything. Just your nitipin to him, and ...” The sentence Mas Reza hung up made me believe that it was the speech that made Mas Farhan sensitive to him.

“And what, Mas?”

“Mas said, don't be willing if anything happens to you. Uda, that's aja.”

I sharpened my eyes to look at Mas Reza. I felt like I caught something else that my second brother didn't say. While trying to continue to dive into Mas Reza's sea of concentrated eyes, he turned his gaze instead. “Apaan, anyway, Deck. Yes, sana. Back to your room. Poor husband you wait for.”

Declare me slowly in response to Mas Reza's words.

“Dek, it's night, lo. Mas want to sleep.”

“I will not return if Mas not honest with me.”

...***...

Hi, I'm coming again. Must be happy dong. He-he.

Don't get tired of waiting for the story of Mas Farhan and Najwa, yes. Soon, all of Mas Farhan's secrets will be revealed. Hi-hi's. Congratulations and the spirit of waiting. Don't forget to leave a trail of your appreciation. Thank you, yes. May God repay you all. Aamiins. 💙

Sweet greetings from me.

Sumenep, Madura, East Java

Wednesday, 4 August 2021