Just a Bond

Revealed

Mas Farhan's car has entered the yard. He got out of the car without looking at me. Worse, he slammed hard on the car door, until again I gasped. I stared at my husband's body from behind with a pushy, teary look. Though I just felt happy, now it has been treated to 'heart food' which is very sad. I was confused about the direction of this wedding. I was worried between continuing the struggle, or even turning around and ending it all immediately.

God, why stay here, anyway?

I immediately got out of the car and chased after Mas Farhan who had entered the house.

“Mas Farhan," call me. However, the person I called did not respond. I accelerated to intercept him who was about to open the door of his room. "Mas, you are still angry because of Mas Reza's remark at the puskesmas earlier?”

He stopped his steps, then turned to look at me. His sharp gaze was enough to give me goosebumps and sip saliva silently. A streak of anger clearly emanated from the look on that face. However, I tried to restrain myself and did not show any fear in this self. I approached him.

“So I told you Mas Farhan, ‘kan, do not need to be extended his business. Why are you still angry? I also used Mas Farhan in front of Mas Reza. So why again now? As long as we are at home, I also always try to keep your good name.”

The atmosphere of our house felt suddenly stuffy. The atmosphere created from Mas Farhan's gaze and the look on his face that was flushed red and fists that he did on both sides of the body that I had seen, was, creating a tense air that can spur the heart to beat faster many times than usual. It is impossible if I am not daunted by the attitude that Mas Farhan showed this time. Although all this time he had been often angry, his sharp gaze and bad words were like everyday food for me, this time it felt like there was something different.  I told you I was trying to be brave, right? But ....

Seeing Mas Farhan step forward with a spotlight of emotions that still did not want to dim even a little, without being asked my body slowly backed down. This fear in itself continues to present speculations.

“The source of the problem is you, Najwa.”

I blinked as Mas Farhan actually stood before me. Want to avoid, can't. I've been cornered on the wall of the front room of the house. I closed my eyes for a moment to neutralize the fear that continued to be present, then opened it and attempted to return Mas Farhan's sharp gaze.

“From the beginning I did not accept this marriage, but continued to be forced to accept it.”

“Mas, our wedding has already happened and it's been almost two months. Is it hard to accept this wedding?”

“You don't know anything.”

“Iya. I really don't know anything. Hence elucidate. Don't vent your frustrations the same people who don't know anything.”

Is it hard to explain?

“Instead of constantly wallowing in unacceptance that will continue to make you more chaotic, why not try to accept it? You know, people who hate each other, the more they try to hate, the more they mess up, Mas.”

“No smartass, Najwa.”

“Serah.” I don't care what to say smartass or anything. “Now I ask, why don't you want to accept this wedding?”

“You think it's easy to move on from the past?”

Mo-move?

This heart is like being pinched hearing the word “move on”.

“If I said yes, what would you do?”

Never, anyway, you feel the head accidentally hit something with a hard—wall for example? So shocked, plus the pain created by the impact, as if to make a faint, ‘kan? That's how I felt when I heard the sentence Mas Farhan said just now. If only I hadn't held on to the wall, I would have collapsed to the floor.

Mas Farhan likes other women. Wh who? What does he have that makes it hard for my husband to move on? How attractive is he from me? Or maybe my suspicions were right yesterday?

It felt like this head was boiling for a moment. Various speculations that arise create different emotions in the chest.

Still standing with lips clenched before Mas Farhan, then suddenly I heard him laughing, but the laughter sounded disdainful. I raised my head to look at him.

He's not possessed by a genie, ‘kan? Just now he looks so angry at me, and now .. how can he laugh after that?

“Don't be a hypocrite, Najwa.” My head feels dizzy. “My mother decided we got married because you agreed to it. I never agreed because the son of Mr. Ahmad who I want to marry is not the woman who now stands before me.”

“And that guy is Rifka. That's what you wanted to explain to me this morning?”

The buying eyeballs that Mas Farhan had displayed in front, made me believe that the answer must be yes. The flash of events I witnessed at home went back across the brain, creating a conclusion that did not match expectations. This head starts moving—m drown—deny the thought. That's impossible, ‘kan?

“Why? Don't deny it, because that's what I want to explain to you. Rifka is definitely different from you. He can make me comfortable and not annoying like you.”

What the fuck? Lord, just remove me from the face of this earth.

Crushed. That one word represents my feelings now. At the time when everything has been revealed and .. please applaud those of you who from the beginning thought this tragic story would happen. Your guess is right. My first brother was the one Mas Farhan meant. It was he who made it difficult for Mas Farhan to move on.

Oh my God, what an ironic fate.

It feels like the bones in the joints are broken instantly. The body trembles to want to collapse to the floor, but try to hold back by continuing to strengthen the handle on the wall. I rubbed a tear that crossed the cheek. Whenever Najwa is Najwa. There will always be tears whenever reality shatters his expectations, crybaby. Thousands of invisible needles suddenly invade the chest, creating a pain. The tears that I had wiped just now, even continued to pour profusely, difficult to control.

“Why didn't you tell me from the beginning that you didn't want to be with me, Mom? Why don't you make it clear to me that the woman you mean is Rifka?” My voice is already shaking.

Obviously, I'm very disappointed.

“You think I can hurt my already happy mother because you accepted our matchmaking offer? You think I'm what kind of man would want to snatch people's wives, huh?”

***

Who is waiting for this part? Kuy comment. Enliven! Wkwk. I write this while crying. 😢😢😢 Sorry update rather night. There was still a rush.

Sumenep, Tuesday September 14, 2021