Just a Bond

Talking Both

"Mas, what the fuck are you, anyway?" najwa protested as I led her towards the garden beside the house. Regardless of that, I continued to carry it to stand under the mango tree which was quite far from home.

"Sorry for my stupidity." I just don't know what to do. My mind has become more and more confused since Najwa made his request. For a moment, I looked at his face that was turning away from me. He seemed reluctant to look at me. Is she so angry? "But, we have to talk, Najwa," I said.

He immediately looked at me. "What else do you want to talk about? Everything is clear, and I've decided."

Where is my meek Najwa? Why do I feel that what appears before my eyes right now is someone else?

"But I have not accepted your decision." No matter what happens, I don't want to leave Najwa.

"Make what, Mom? We have not been in line from the beginning. I don't need approval from you because—"

"Since we've been bound in a relationship called marriage, we've become one, Najwa. Every decision that will be taken must be based on the agreement of both parties."

Najwa. Gave a hand to grab his shoulder, and face it to me. In a moment I stared fixedly at him, scanning every part of his face. His cheeks were getting thinner, his eyes looked smelly, even around his petals appeared black circles, the look of his face was smelly.

"I'm not here because of who. Because of you, Najwa. Don't you see how I'm doing? It's all because of you."

Najwa suddenly slammed into my hand. "Keep mismanaging me, Mas. I've never been right in your eyes, have I?"

Ah, dealing with women turns out to be this complicated. I mean, I didn't mean to blame him. I was made to dizzy myself. But no. I must be strong, and fight for Najwa. Otherwise, I could be slowly ruined until Najwa actually sues me for divorce.

Quickly, I pulled him into my arms. Really, the desire came suddenly because of the urge of longing that was growing in the chest.

"No, Najwa. That's not what I mean." I shook my head knowing that Najwa would not see because he was in my arms.

"Deliver, Mas." Najwa.

"No, Najwa. Please listen to me. Don't you see how messed up I am right now? I'm sorry for all my treatment with you in the past. I realize, I'm totally outrageous with you."

"Enough, Mom. I'm tired of all the things we've been through."

"Please give me a chance to explain all the misunderstandings between us, dear."

"Stop calling me with those bullshit words!"

Whahuh? He thinks I'm bragging? Hey, .. hold, Farhan. Hold it, or you'll lose your wife!

I breathe heavily. In a few moments only silence was created between us. I tried to calm myself down, while Najwa.

"Let me talk for a minute. Please." Please."

Najwa. Whether he allowed it or not, I decided to talk.

"Maybe in the past I've liked your sister." At first glance I noticed, Najwa closed her eyes as I began the conversation with that. "Even until marriage, by not knowing herself I dragged a grudge to a woman who knew nothing at all."

"But just so you know, two weeks since we've been living together, I've started to get distracted by your presence. No, not distracted in a bad sense. Because if you want to talk about it, from the beginning I really do not like you."

There will be no more things I cover from Najwa. I'll tell him everything, even if he doesn't care. However, if I were to be naive, I would have little hope that he would change his mind due to my openness today.

"I started to feel something different when I was around you and Rifka. He often goes to the studio. But, ever since I realized my feelings for you were no longer the same, I started to withdraw from Rifka. The highlight of all that is when we go to Dad's house."

I remember very well that moment—moment when I felt unwanted by my own wife. I felt very angry when he was always close to Mas Reza, even though I also wanted to be close to him.

"I don't know for sure I believe this feeling as a form of love— maybe even love—but since we've been far away these past few days, I realize that I've started to love you, Najwa. That's why I've steadied myself to end the undue relationship between me and your sister."

Najwa was still shaking with a gaze that was completely unwilling to look at me. My heart is starting to shake. Will my words disappear with the wind that feels stronger this morning before noon?

God, please help me. Tear down the heart of Your servant this one to change his mind and withdraw his decision.

A few moments later, Najwa turned to me. She looked at me for quite a while, and I waited for her response with her chest constantly pounding erratically. Najwa started to open his mouth. Let's listen to what he has to say.

"I will stick with my decision."

Booms!

Like an atomic bomb, I tiptoed. My knee suddenly felt limp, even his bones as if they were broken in an instant. There's a feeling I can't describe right now. My body that began to tremble, instantly collapsed onto the ground.

"You said you love me. You said you were gonna fight for this wedding. Why do you promise to fight if you will finally choose this path, Najwa?"

He looked at me long enough. "What do you mean, Mom?"

I turned my head to look at him. "I've read your diary in your room. I know everything, including how you feel."

At a glance, I caught a pias look on Najwa's face. He was stunned in his position. In such circumstances, I still hope that Najwa will change his mind. But I seem to be too late.

"People's feelings can change at any time, Mom." Listen to what he said? My head reflexively shook— tried to deny that Najwa did not really say it. "Just like you, maybe I did love you and even expect you to be the first and last husband of my life."

Ah, I was so moved to hear it. Throughout my relationship with Rifka, but as I recall, I never felt this happy when I knew my presence was desirable.

But ....

"But why continue to force a relationship that does not make both people who live it happy?"

I'm pecking in some time.

***

Hi, I'm updating. Sorry, yeah, I said a few more today. I'm running out of quota, guys. 🙈