I'M BETWEEN YOU AND HIM

GLOOMY SHEET

I was hospitalized for 11 days. With various health checks, checks and ricek to sputum cytology tests as well as bronchoscopy. Finally the doctor told me that I was indicated to have stage one lung cancer.

Oh God! Like I thought. Something's been wrong with my breathing lately. And this is my last chastisement, perhaps because of all the sins I have committed.

I am grateful, it is a sign of God loving me. God wants to cleanse my soul and heart so that it draws closer to Him at least a little bit to erase my past sins. Alhamdulillah!

The doctor gave me spirit. Because he said my cancer can still be treated and 70% chance of a complete cure I can get by undergoing all treatment treatment. But we humans can only plan, God determines.

I want to stop by Salemba to just confide in bang Sobri. Lebaran just counts the days. I promised I'd see her again before the day came. I want to keep it.

We talked warmly and long enough to get an extra bonus in the visiting hours. I'm happy to see him fighting and healthy as always.

"When did you get out? Ask for remission because you always behave well. I'm afraid I can't keep my promise to be with you after you come out!"

"What do you mean, Dika? Are you bored with me? Want to change your promise first to take care of me after I get out of here!"

"I'm sick, bang! Stage 1 lung cancer! I'm afraid the angel Izroil picked me up first before my brother enjoyed the world of freedom!"

"Hey, stupid boy! It wasn't you who died first, but me! I'm 60 years old and it's automatically my turn to be called the Power first!" I laughed at the words of Bang Sobri. I know, it was a spirited sentence from him for me.

"You have a lot of money now! Treat the right! You can definitely heal! You can continue to accompany your daughter, take care of her and educate her until she is a teenager. You also have to deliver it to the right man who will replace you to look after it. Only after that, you're dead!"

I smiled down. My heart warrants. But I'm pessimistic. My mother also died at the age of 42 due to leukemia. I was 17 and still in 2nd grade High School. Hhh....

I'm grateful that lung cancer is not a contagious disease. I don't have to keep my distance from my only daughter who I really care about.

After visiting Bang Sobri, I went back to Bojong. I am happy to see the orange that has returned again cheerful as before. The boy has an amazing personality. Orange turned out to be a stronger and resilient child beyond my expectations. Orange seems to have been able to forget the terrible incident he experienced a few weeks ago.

I stopped by to pick up money at the ATM before I got home. I put 30 hundred thousand bills in an envelope. I want to give it to Ranti to use to buy some Lebaran Orange clothing stels. A little bit, but what to say. I also still have to take care of some other needs besides father's tahlilan and also Hera's pocket money.

"No, mas! Sister Rosa sends me 3 million dollars every month through her courier. He said it was from you, mom! That's more than enough for an orange."

"Take, Ranti! Please! How many years have I not done my duty to buy lebaran clothes for Orange. Go to the market with the orange! Buy good clothes, so that my son will look more beautiful on the next day! Please Ranti! I can't buy it myself! I'm asking you to help buy it!"

Ranti finally received an envelope from me. I asked permission to enter my house because I wanted to rest after I left the hospital.

From today, medicine is my life's support. The doctor gave it to me to consume every day so I could recover from my illness. Hhh....

Rosa and Mas Anang gave me up to a week of Lebaran leave. They were too kind to me, making me even more ashamed. I have always troubled them, O God! You are the All-Givering God who can only repay their kindness!

My days at home are like great masters. Just eat, sleep and play with the orange.

Orange is now obsessed with toy make up tools. Be the model who is ready to dress as she pleases. I just resigned. But I am happy, God! I can be with Jingga through my lonely days with her laugh joked that has now become opium.

The Feast Day arrives. The three of us are happy together. Even though they are just neighbors, and apologize to each other with a sincere heart and intention to forget the past. We can pass through it quite calmly and peacefully. We interope with each other and keep our distance from each other because we are now just neighbors and do not want people to judge us with bad thoughts and evil speech.

...

Today is my last day of vacation. Monday tomorrow I have to go back to work to help Rosa and Mas Anang. I want to go to the market to buy some basic needs that have been used up in the kitchen and also my refrigerator. This week I was alone because Jingga was staying at Hardi's sister Ranti's house.

In the middle of the road I saw Ranti talking to two men. But from the moment I saw something was wrong. Especially after watching Ranti brushed off the hands of one man who looked more like a thug.

"Bak Ranti! I know you're a widow, so don't be so hot-selling!" the man said it made me angry and ran over his hair. I shot his disgusting shit face so many times that blood poured out of his nostrils.

"*******!!! ******** rancid!! You think because she's a widow, you can be as good as your udel to harass her? What if your mother is a widow? What if your sister or sister becomes a widow? You're going to harass her too like you harassed Ranti?? Fuck you!!!!"

"For instance, bang, geez!! Sorry bang!"

The two rancid men ran off the ridge after getting my raw bogem. Even the other to shed a lot of blood splattered. My heart aches like it's sliced . My chains were harassed by brash men because of me! Because I am the one who made her a widow!!!

My tears fell and I quickly erased them because I was ashamed to see people. I led Ranti's hand away from the crowd in the middle of the market before we became increasingly popular as a spectacle.

"Thank you, ma'am!" ranti said slowly making me even more drowning in regret.

"You should be angry with me! You should vent your emotions on me Ranti, because I am you a widow! A status that was very unsightly to people!"

We just sat quietly with our faces down in front of Ranti's house.

"Why didn't you marry Abi, Ranti? He's a good guy. He also saw me love the orange! I thought you were married when my father was gone."

"I rejected Abi 5 months ago. I feel unworthy of him. That guy's too good for me, mom! Abi deserves a better woman than me!"

"He loves you. I know since he called and asked me to meet 10 months ago. It's already proven that he's in love and is seriously in a relationship with you."

"Abi's still a bachelor. As for me, just a widow with one child!"

"Don't humble yourself like that, Ranti! You are a special woman. There are a lot of men interested in you. You're beautiful inside out. You are beautiful in your simplicity."

"I know right now maybe he loves me. One, two or three years down the line it will always be right next to me. But four, five or six years later, who knows... What if his curiosity arises to try a girl he has never felt. And who can guarantee his love won't change if there's a girl dazzled and chasing him. I don't want to repeat the same thing. I'm afraid of failing again, mom!"

I just kept quiet about his words. It turns out that divorce also makes a huge impact for two people who have experienced it. In addition to the fear of starting a new life, also trauma and pressure that makes the psychology of someone who experiences it become a permanent wound that never heals.

Randy! I'm sorry, Ranti! I can only curse myself who made a wound in your heart.

Oh God! Give my Rant happiness! My ex-wife! Heal his wounds until he can move forward with his life. He's 35 years old. There is still plenty of time for him to live. Unlike me, the corpse candidate who has received a certificate from You to immediately get out of the face of this earth either one or two years away.

Oh God! Don't give my Rant me any more grief! Please, oh God! Give him happiness! So that he can forget all the bad memories and bitter past when he was with me. I can only ask for her kindness! Please grant my prayers, God!

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