I'M BETWEEN YOU AND HIM

I'M HOME

After hearing the Mbah's words, I finally realized one more thing. There is no perfect person in this life. I must not keep the wound for too long because of a small disappointment to my father. My father's sacrifice was so great to me. All his affection though not expressed in real and open. As soon as he loved us his children even more so for my happiness so that mother could live longer with us, he worked desperately for the cost of mother's treatment. I know, mom is more able to express her love for us than she is rigid. For that he was forced to put our lives aside for the sake of mother's life. Because it was a lantern for us. I cried all night thinking about how bad I would be if I continued to be disappointed in Dad.

Alright. I'm going home. I also don't want to hold on to disappointment for longer and settle on this. I have to apologize to Dad again. Sincerely washing his wounded and agonized feet while taking care of and raising us.

Sambaran said, how many curious ghosts became the demon of heaven. It is because it holds grudges and also disappointments that have not been lost. I don't want to die a demon. I have to go home, apologize to my father until my disappointment is gone.

I came home with a million memories. Together with Mbah Kardi and the mbok Sartijah, all my burdens seemed lifted. All my mistakes were read until I realized them and was ashamed. All my heartache is also disappointment in my life, as if yawning was lost to the warm morning sun in this burial area buried with the bodies here. Also my unrequited love, the excessive love to the wrong love that I should not have done, now I have cleared it from my heart.

By morning train I returned to Jakarta. I said before to the Mbah and the mbok with tears. Saying, do not make a promise to come here again. If life is long and God is meridhoi, we can meet and talk again. That's just the message. And I guarantee it.

At 3 pm I finally arrived at Senen Kramat Jakarta station. Returning to ride the online ojek of Sawah Besar station to meet my father in Depok Baru. All the feelings mixed in my heart into one.

I was shocked to see me standing at the door of the house. Saying greetings while giving her a smile. Dad stood up from his seat. Half-running tightly hugged my skinny body. His eyes glistened incessantly in thanksgiving.

"Alhamdulilla.... ! Dika, sonuuu! Where have you been, son? You really threw Dad out? You don't want to see Dad's face again? No, Dika! Don't be angry with Dad. Daddy loves you! I'maang very. What you said to me was just coming out of your lips, not from your heart. I don't want to lose you! Just so you know, Dika.... The son that my mother loves the most and the one that your mother leaves you with is you, son! You are our only son! I'm sorry to say such bad words to you, son! I'm sorry, son! This father who does not know himself... Who can't be a good father to you, Dika. Sorry dad, Dikaaaa...!"

Me and Dad shed tears. I was crying on his shoulder. For decades my desire from childhood was to cry in his arms. It has now paid off. I cried sad, happy and moved. Instantly, all my disappointment in my father disappeared and changed into happiness.

Thank you dad! Thank you for everything for me. Thank you for letting me be a father's son. I have taught him many life lessons and experiences. Although bitter at the beginning, now I think sweet at the end. Daddy's! Forgive your son who had this disobedience to father. Who always harbored sadness and disappointment because they did not accept the attitude of the father. My father only wanted to protect me from my fear of facing the world. Dad did push me forward. But he taught me that life is hard and we must not be weak. Daddy's! I love you dad! I am grateful that I realized it now when my father was still with me in this world. If I were late to realize it, how sorry I am. Thank God you gave me this opportunity! Thank you, Mbah Kardi, for being the teacher that reminds me.

I kissed dad's feet. Clean both feet. I apologize and love God through it. Dad kissed my forehead. My left and right cheeks too. Treating me like a baby boy who is a toddler. We sobbed again. Crying in happiness.

"If you are being tested by God with sorrow and suffering, be patient, son! It's okay to fall occasionally while walking. After that time you will pass, you can run as fast as you can. Stay upbeat and tawakkal. I support you, son! Whatever it is, you are our proud son. Warsih....! Look at this child of ours, I let him work in the market for too long that he could not see my love for him. I was also wrong, not being able to express my love for our son, Warsih!" again, dad was crying. Mum's name made me cry again to hug my dad.

Dad, your naughty son has come home! Get angry at me, hit me... I miss the old days when mom was screaming at us who were busy fighting because I was on the market more often.

Hhhh.... My face is tired mostly crying. But my heart was happy until I fell into a deep sleep after Ashar to the Azan Maghrib.

Dad woke me up from sleep. Leading me to the bathroom told me to wash my face and make ablution. We walked hand in hand near my father's house. This was my first experience with my father after my mother died.

I will ask God that you always be given health and long life. Aamiins.

I'm staying at dad's. My plan is to come to the office tomorrow morning to visit Rosa and Mas Anang. All of you also met with Mul, Jabrik and Hana. I hope they are all well.

I shaved my mustache and beard early in the morning. My long hair is poked back to make it look neat. If there is time after that then I stop by the barber shop for hair shaving. Staring at my thin face in the mirror made me sigh. This is the fate of the widow! No one noticed my appearance. Even the ones that remind me don't exist. Hhh... Fate, fate!

Rosa was also almost the same reaction as my father when he first saw me. Surprised and crying. Until the lumps of tissue former tears scattered in the office table. Anang again had to calm him down.

"I'm back, Ros! Look, my condition is fine. Already, do not cry mulu..malu I was the same mas Anang! If I were Anang, I would be angry because my wife was so melow to cry for another man. Thank you for having a husband, Anang!" my god made him pout.

"Damn you indeed!"

"I'm sorry, ma'am! Always bothering you two. Sorry mas!" Mas Anang nodded with a relieved smile. He was like a big brother to me because he was so good.

"If you knew, brother.... What a parno I am, every news on tv, or read the newspaper that contains the corpse of a man without identity.... I'm immediately thrilled to find out the truth of the news further."

"Haha... Rosa, you sadistically think of me to all her! You think I died!"

"Yes. Because I heard that Ranti rejected you. Not wanting to re-refer. That's why my mind is so bad let alone you leave without knowing your purpose. That's crazy, the name! Not to mention your dead phone. A sign that you are really frustrated and want to die!"

"Yes, Ros! I was frustrated and wanted to die. That's real. But I'm back khan? I still owe you guys a debt of gratitude. I disappointed you too long. Sorry, Ros! Again, sorry!"

"Oh my God, I'm sorry Anang, I'm sorry Rosa!"

"Ga what, Dika! We have an intention to retire early. And thank God, our company has bright prospects. You should know, at the end of last month, large companies in the class of*APFA invited us to join for the mass production of sempoles in their factories by using their product names. But we haven't got a deal for the deal."

"Waaaah .. hebaaat! Cool maas!" I was amazed by the cooperation of Anang and Rosa. They are a great couple in every way.

"But, Ros! I asked for a few days. I still want to leave first about 2 or 3 days to take care of everything. I want a pilgrimage to my mother's grave and my father-in-law's as well. I'd like to see Orange too. Can khan?"

"Okay, you got 3 days. After that, I'll pay your respects to us all this time!" threatening Rosa makes me laugh. Rosa was just kidding.

"Thank you Rosa! You are like a mother to me. You always understand me!"

"Hey! I'm as old as you! Don't consider me your mother. You childish pretentious rancid parent!" Rosa glared at me for what I said. Me and Anang laughed again. Aaa... Glad to see all this back in my life! But I am also happy, during my stay in the abbah Kardi and mbok Sartijah. I got a lot of science there. Life science certainly.

Jabrik and Mul caught my side body. They both laughed but cried. They were so happy to see me again.

"But! Your body is so skinny. The same skin remains the bone. But your face is handsome with bang, appleagi your hair is gondrong now. So rich is Kevin Costner" Mul said after we met kangen hugging and telling a long story.

"Yes. Brother's skin is also bleached. Just a really skinny brother! Abang abis tapa' where the hell is bang?" sela Jabrik. I just laughed.

"What a matter of fact ah, you guys!"

"Mane, bang..katanye you come home to bring a bini? Mane?"

"Belom dapet, Mul! It's not da who wants to be with me. How about dong Mul!?" We laughed. It was good to see and hear their laughter again.

"Back with us khan, bang? Don't wory... Our brother's room is clean every day."

"We? I'm going to clean room every day bang Dika! You don't mah!" Jabrik tawer Mul's ears make me crunchy-pegged.

"I'm sorry, I still live in my dad's house. His father is still missing! I'll definitely go home with our contract. My stuff is still there, too! Don't worry!"

Jabrik and Mul just smiled listlessly. But they understand, I still have a father, I have a more primary family. But they are also my family. Only now is my portion more for my father that I have not noticed.

"You're shaving your hair, but there's no time!"

"Don't, bang! That's cool! So look younger n' mysterious!" banning Mul with his argument made me smile amusedly.

"Masa' Mul's? Tar khan I'm starting the day after. It's like the one I didn't want to take care of anyway?"

"Ga! Just don't mess around, bang! You ate less ye all this time? Brother's body is like my grandmother's scratching board. Thinn!!" again Mul teased me with his plunge.

"Entar if we stay together again, I buy to eat every mall, bang!" he said again this time Jabrik followed the talk.

"Truly lu ye Mul, don't be from a mangap! Promise you ama bang Dika kudu dyinget tuh! I'm catetting first on debt bond!" jabrik's words made me cough with laughter.

Thank you God! You gave me very good people around me. People who always give me happiness with their positive aura and energetic nature. It made me understand the importance of being grateful.

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