I'M BETWEEN YOU AND HIM

HOPE TEARS

I sent Arif a message that I came home first. My heart was broken watching my own son who was the only one crying loudly for having to part with me again. I can't afford to linger there. I also do not care about the feeling of Orange despite his age is very young. I just can't do more for the Orange. Just hope, after he grows up, he will understand why his father can not linger to see him again. If the time is fast moving and Orange is 14 or 15 years old, I will take him occasionally to stay at my place. I'm sure when his age has reached it, the orange is more mature and independent. And we can be together even if only for a few days. I dreamed of taking my son traveling around beautiful places like going up mountains and crossing the ocean. How thrilled!

I sat alone waiting for the train to come. Arif asked me to wait for him. He sent me a message earlier.

"Waiting for a while?" Arif half ran up to me with breath.

"It's easy" I replied with a faint smile.

"The problem is we come together, want to go home too!" he said as he sat beside me.

Arif set his breath back. I just smiled in response.

"Dik! I want to ask you a favor, can I?"

"What do you ask for, Rif?"

"But the train is coming!"arif sela.

Before long we entered the train that was not too crowded because it was not yet home from work. We could sit down after walking down the carriage after carriage.

"I want to ask for help, please take care of the house I bought from Ms. Hafsah for a year. Want huh? I'll have to wait for my wife's birth until our son is a few months old, and then move into the house."

I swallowed the gobs. Heart's pounding.

"Ga should think about renting it! Just enough occupied. Most if there is a leaky tile or damp wall, please just clean it! Want huh?"

I looked at Arif like I couldn't believe it. This kid, it turns out, was trying to help me. But he didn't want to look like a helper god.

"only one year. Okay fine! I'm hitching a ride in your house, hehehe....!" We laughed together. I clasped his fist tightly. Nodding and opening eyes. Arif did the same thing with me. Like telepathy, I said a lot of thanks and Arif heard my heart nod and smiled.

We don't give real words of praise. But I don't know why, I can clop with him. We were only familiar for a few days. Strange indeed! Subhanallah!

"Bu Hafsah said he would move the day after tomorrow. Later the key to his house he put in a pot of ornamental plants under the window. That said. I can't go to that house for a year. So, that house in the meantime I'm giving it to you huh, sister! It's up to you to move when. Anyway, it's your business!"

My heart's blossoming. I'm not sad anymore to remember that orange cry.

Momentarily papa will always be near you, boy! You can stay with Papa whenever you want.

Oh God! Thank you for all your gifts to me!

We split up at Gondangdia station. Arif slid to Bungur while I went to Mount Sahari. Arif waved his hand before saying that this week would be his wife's four-month salute and I was invited to come to her in-laws' house. I promised I would try to come to the heart of his little family.

I've planned a lot of planning in the head. Right now I remember, I need a mattress to move on later. If I bring from the rented house on mount Sahari, pity Jabrik later. The boy slept with me. And I was determined not to bring my contracted furniture.

I came home with my grocery car. After lowering everything in front of an alley not too far from my rented house, then giving the fare to his delivery brother, I was a bit troubled too. Fortunately, a lot of people I know here helped me get in until my contract.

"Bang Dika wants to make it big!" tease some mother who saw me with furniture. I laughed without saying it either.

This heart is really happy. I can't wait to move to Bojong. I remembered that I had to take care of my letter from the local RT. I will go to the house of RT sir to ask for a certificate from him that I was right almost a year longer to contract and inhabit this Sahari mountain region.

Tonight is my first night in the Suhada mosque near my contract. I actually want to be happy with dad, but the time is not enough to catch the train to Depok while I just got home at 4 and immediately shopping for necessities for later. I just called my dad for half an hour and said I'd start going to work again tomorrow. I asked for his prayers for every step of my way. Dad prayed for me and supported me completely.

I'm very happy. Last year I was serving my obligation to fast in the Salemba rutan. Now I am free and can do activities with loved ones. Tarawihku prayers with Mul, Jabrik and the surrounding residents are so warm and beautiful. I am so grateful for my life now. Everything feels good.

Not like last year. Worst year of my life. A year full of my sins. My worst year with only Ranti and Vika thinking only. If there's no Sobri bang galvanizing me there, I don't know what I am. Hhh.... I haven't seen him so busy.

I want to sleep fast but I can't. I finally told him about my intention to move from here to Bojong in a few days. Jabrik was sad to hear I was moving to Bojong. I invited him to come along. Mul too. But they weren't very enthusiastic and there were a few reasons I understood. I can't force them to stay with me either. But I can't stay with them either because I want to focus on my son.

"Anybody staying alone later?" ask Jabrik.

"Yes. My son lives with his mom next door to my house, Brik!"

"That neighborhood, bang? Can you fuck dong, you!" said Mul with a seductive face.

"What a prank?"

"CL!! Huh nora' don't know!" upset answer. Jabrik and I just laughed at Mul's words.

"Huss, can't CLBK. It belongs to people!"

"Huhuh??? Na lu why move that decketan, if ude so belongs to people? Get off lu bang! Like a rumpuk panuan tuh peribahasanye!"

"The back misses the moon!!!" Me and Jabrik together while hitting Mul's feet joking.

"Yaiya! Ude people belong to people, still you pepet. I nasehatin lu bang, kudu can nahan myself ma lust yee... Don't let you be reprimanded by lakinye Gegara on this matter!" Mul kept nyerocos advising me like a parent. But I smiled and nodded. The talk is all right.

"My intention is to get close to the orange, my son, Mul! My son is only one. He is now 5 years old. It's smart to talk too. He could protest because I was always away from him. Maybe this is God's way for me to get closer to my son. I don't know why it's all like this either. It's as easy as it is for me to see my son every day. I miss my son's funny prank!"

Jabrik and Mul smiled. Like being able to see my lonely and longing side to get my son's love and attention. I just remember myself. I was so disappointed in my father for so long just because he looked so indifferent to me even though we met every day, morning and night. I thought about how the orange would feel to me while I let it go every day, every month even our time is limited. Just hours or even minutes. Hhh... Surely Jingga will continue to remember her disappointment and deteriorate into a wound in his heart. I don't want that to happen. Although things separated us from being together, but at least I wanted Orange to feel how much I loved her. Loving him is so because he is the most beautiful gift of God for my life. I want Orange to know, it's not just her mom who needs her. But the papa is too. His father also wanted love and affection. Because his father also had a myriad of maybe even myriad of affection that I wanted to spill on him as my regret abandoned him all this time. I want Orange to know my heart. Hhh.... Not feeling the tears falling on my cheeks made Jabrik and Mul to hug me warmly.

Hhh.....

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