I'M BETWEEN YOU AND HIM

RANTI OPENED MY CARD

"Replace...., Rantiiiii! I, I'm sorry Ranti! Please.let's talk carefully! Not that I mean to hurt Ranti's heart. By Allah, I have no intention of hurting you!"

I can only complain in front of the closed door of Ranti's house. There was no voice Ranti answered I heard.

I regret. Very sorry Ranti. I-i'm sorry! Please forgive me! Men who act do not use the heart. My logic says that I am jealous and must move quickly before you are taken by the man. I don't think about how you feel.

I also have no intention of demeaning you. Really am! You're so worth a lot in my eyes. For that I fought back no matter how to get you. Even on the wrong path, you think. Randy! I realize now, I love you! Open your heart to me again, Ranti! Please....

O God the Master of all nature, the heart-turning, the holder of all worldly secrets, please open Ranti's heart to me, O God! You know what my heart means. You understand my feelings. Although the whole world blasphemed me a rude, evil man, for ever hurting his heart, but I am truly sorry for what I did. I am truly sorry for my stupidity. Is there not a little bit of Your pity for me by returning Ranti again to me, O Allah!?!....

I can only daydream with tears of regret. I immediately rushed after Sofyan Ali. I don't think that guy is far away. Because I saw that he was reluctant to leave us arguing with our opinions.

I ran straight off the highway. Surely my guess. Sofyan Ali is still seen walking slowly down a residential street that is quite quiet in the middle of today.

"Sofyan, wait!" He looked at me and stopped waiting for me to run towards him.

My hand grabbing the collar of his shirt shocked him instantly.

"Yes...! If you make a scene here, you will embarrass Ranti and Orange. Please, hold your emotions, mas!" he said in a soft but clear voice.

Damn this kid! He was younger than 10 years old, but his maturity beat me.

I let go of my hand in annoyance. Stare at him with sharp eyes.

"Why is it like this? Remember khan mas will support my relationship with Ranti when we first met?"

"I'm sorry, I pulled my words back then. I just realized, I still love Ranti very much. And I don't want it to belong to anyone else including you. Let's compete healthily! Let Ranti decide, I.or you choose her!" I asked him to bet.

"Mas.... It's obvious Ranti chose me! I'm sorry if it's sassy! You guys have split up. It's past iddah time. And now your relationship is only as a mother and her father Orange. I'm right khan?"

The man spoke very relaxed. Apparently he was brave because all my death cards were in his grasp. Damnit damnit!

"Don't be arrogant, young man! Before the yellow janur curved, and before you kabul ijab confirmed by the ruler, Ranti has not been your right. You know what about that? So.., don't let you break your heart if Ranti comes back to me."

"Mas Dika! As long as Ranti is happy, it's a matter of who she chooses and who she marries.... I will always pray for it! Mas, as I said earlier.... Let's set a time so we don't clash with each other. Because I was worried, mas seemed very lustful when he saw me.I don't want us to end up with a commotion that precisely affects Ranti and Orange. And sorry I want to say a few more important words to you! It turns out that since I witnessed for myself how I treated Ranti, I have more respect for her. I seemed to have to speed up my intention to propose to him. Because I don't want to see his suffering any longer." Shit!!!!

Sofyan Ali leisurely stepped away leaving me chuckling, burning with a huge fire. Oh, my God, my God!

Why can I lose to that young man? Why should I be so flabbergasted with her relaxed but stifling words. And he, ..he was so confident that he even deliberately poured hot oil all over my body. Hhhhh.... My brain was suddenly dull and my soul was empty.

I'm really becoming a dust grain now. When a hurricane comes crashing down, my whole life is gone and my soul is blown away. I just cry on the side of the road. Sitting on the sidewalk while bending my head to my knees with a bated cry.

Lordy! Why am I this? What's my fault that you don't want to be merciful to me. I'm not a basket-eyed guy. I'm not a playboy who likes changing partners. I was just a normal guy who since childhood thirsted for love and affection. Though I only once went the wrong way, accidentally divided my heart with a woman who suddenly clung to me with great ambition and full of struggle.

I just want love, God! Why is it so hard for me to get it. I felt the happiness of love for no more than 9 years. I am now 42 years old. I always walk alone. Crying alone. Lamenting the fate of being alone. Oh Allah.... Please help your servant, O God!...

I'm walking in no direction. My mind's fucked up my brain's muddled. It was difficult to think clearly, making me finally diverge in the liquor store. Ordered some obscure bottles of liquor. Just to lighten my load. That's all I can do. Hhh.....

I got drunk and I was so screwed up and barely conscious. I don't know how many bottles I don't get accompanied by Satan's seduction. The demons and the pedestal demons danced to cheer me who was defeated helplessly. The humans just turned their heads and threw away their faces with annoying mimicry. Hhhhhh.

I knocked again on the door of Ranti's house. Calling his name a few times tried to explain again my mistake that was last afternoon. I didn't realize myself why I could go back to Ranti's house.

My stomach is nauseous and my head is dizzy. But I still have the strength to knock on the door hard enough for Ranti to hear.

Almost half an hour I sat on the door of Ranti's house. Like someone whipped my stomach until all the contents spilled on the door of Ranti's house. I still call his name. Although my body was shivering because of the night breeze, but Ranti did not open the door for me. I got to slumber limp sprawled but still half conscious.

"Ran....! Ranti.....! My dearyou!"

Suddenly the door opened and Ranti stood with a flat face looking at me. I tried to grab her foot to hug and kiss. I want to apologize from her for hurting her heart again. And again. But Ranti's hand first brushed it off.

I was shocked because Ranti dragged me around like a street dog thrown away for sickness. I didn't expect her tiny body to be able to pinch the collar of my shirt neck into her house and end up in a cold bathroom.

Ranti flushed me with bath water. Time and time again mercilessly made me breathe hard.

It was like there was smoke coming out of my body that felt cold but my chest was boiling hot. Ranti continued to throw water from the dipper with the rigors of throwing sand that hurt my head and face. Looks like one bathtub he spent bathing me.

Then he left me helplessly squatted in the corner of the bathtub with all the wet body limps. Just a dog full of shit.

Turns out Ranti came again by throwing a towel in my face. He also hung clothes in the bathroom.

"Replace your clothes quickly before I call the police!" His words sounded so jarring it made me squeak and immediately comply.

I changed clothes without thinking and locked the bathroom to make Ranti throw her face away in the living room.

Ranti who was sitting in the guest room thrust a big glass at me. I was shocked because it was a little hot.

"Drink! Let your brain not sengklek like that, mas! Don't know shame! No have a brain.... Like drunk and vomiting in front of people's houses! I am so disappointed in you today. And this may be the height of my frustration so that I don't have to see any more of your madness than this! Orange must be very embarrassed to know the behavior of his father's contempt. Lucky my son is not old enough and does not understand, so do not understand what you are doing!"

I stood pecking holding a glass filled with tamarind liquid and java sugar brewed hot water.

I squatted on the floor with my eyes staring at the ceramic tiles. I'm ashamed! I can't say anything but sip the drink Ranti gave me.

We were long silent. Until my consciousness completely recovered, I composed my words in my heart.

"I'm sorry, Ranti! I really have no intention of hurting your feelings. I never looked down on you. It was only my impulse to be jealous of Sofyan Ali.... Ranti...! I still love you. Love you so much." I took a breath for a moment regulating the air that went into my lungs to get my brain thinking properly.

"Is there still a chance for me, Ranti? I really love you!"

"You? Really love me?...That's a lie, mom! It's just a word that comes out of your lips!"

"Really, Ranti! I love you! I love you! I want you to be my wife again." Ranti laughed softly. His face was so flat even though he was laughing.

"You never loved me, mom!"

"Why do you say that Ranti? You doubt my sacred love?"

"Holy love? To me? ....Nah! You just love yourself, mom! And only now do I realize that you only love yourself."

"Don't you see how much I love you even from before we divorced, from before there was Vika among us. I love you so much, baby!"

"It is precisely since we were married even before Vika came that you did not love me with all your heart. You are just a man who loves yourself and the rest you love in this world!"

I silently digest Ranti's words. I still don't understand.

"You don't know the true meaning of love at all!"

"Why do you say that, Ranti? You know I've been a long time. You can also feel the magnitude of my love as long as I am your husband.... We fight together for a better life. We succeed because we love each other, support each other. Right khan, Ranti?"

"That's right. Because I used to adore you so much, mom! You are like the sun in my days and the moon in my days. You are like a half angel to me. Who always guides me and guides me. Although sometimes I feel your rudeness, but I fully trust you. And you can prove all your words. But that was before I was fully aware of who you were."

"After God opened my eyes and the eyes of my heart! God showed me who my husband really was. It turns out that a sick man who longs for love and money thirst and glory is only to fulfill his very high love desire for himself!"

"Replace? Is that how I look at you?"

"Yes, mom!"

"Am I wrong to want love?... Since I was a child, I have lacked love and affection. Because there are no shoulders where I cry and hands that pat warm when I cry. You know my life story, Ranti!"

"Enough, mom! Selling your sad story now no longer works for me. Excuse me!.. Yeah, I used to be so swept away by your sad story. Yes, I am sorry for your suffering. I'm also amazed at your stubbornness, mas! But that was before. And now I'm no longer carried away by the sad story of your life."

"Because the younger man is now more alluring to your heart, Ranti?"

"No. But because of yourself who revealed your true form to me, mom! It scares me. Make my respect disappear yawn somewhere!"

I sat on the floor without a sound.

"You're so mad at me because I cheated on Vika. I realize my mistake for you is hard for you to forgive! Sorry, Ranti...! Hit me, slap me, curse me, if it can make you lose your heartache, I'm willing, Ranti!" Ranti laughed cynically.

"That's just one of your little mistakes, ma'am!"

"If Vika doesn't exist, I won't cheat, Ranti. No other woman can rival you in my heart, really! And I stuck Vika too because of your carelessness. I've been asking you to break off our friendship with Vika, but you're as if you're cute no matter what I say."

"Yes indeed, I also play a role in your behavior and Vika, mas! Indeed, I was teledor even though my premonition and feelings were quite big since Vika was present among us. But that's not the point, mas!"

"You mean?"

"The point is, you only love yourself!" I was pensive once again.

"I know that the nature, character and behavior of a person are formed from the environment and the path of life that he passes. Unknowingly, because of your circumstances, what you're storing up is more sadness in your memory than the happiness you've ever found makes you a fragile, love-hungry person. You think more about yourself, Mom! You want to be noticed by people. You try hard to be a good boy and attract people's attention. You diligently try to make people no longer shrink you. You married me with half-hearted love. Then you formed me, we partnered with arguments for a good household with a better life even if it could be beyond the lives of others, especially those who used to insult you, bullying you and harassing you. Really khan what I said, mas?"

I took my breath that felt tight. Like godam hit hard. Bugg!!!

"But I married you wholeheartedly! I'm not a person who likes to play games. Let alone toying with the feelings of people especially women, Ranti!"

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