I'M BETWEEN YOU AND HIM

MY DEAR CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY

Today is the 4th anniversary of Orange. Later in the afternoon at 5, Ranti will make a small party for our beloved daughter.

I prepared mentally and I was stronger to come to Bojong Gede. There will certainly be many people and many families and relatives gathered there.

As I thought. My father-in-law and my sisters-in-law have been there from last night. Also my father and my younger brother Hera came first, rather than me.

Their spies are staring at me. Makes me duck not knowing what to do. Can only greet them one by one without daring to raise your face. I'm so ashamed of myself and my behavior the other day.

Dad asked me to talk to my sister Hera. Ranti gave us the time and place to talk in her room.

"How are you, Dika? Where are you living now?" ask me, it's cold.

"Okay dad! I live in Mount Sahari now."

"Great! My son is now so great that everything he does on his own without his permission and the blessing of his family let alone his father."

"Sorry, dad... I'm ashamed to go home to Dad. I haven't had the courage to see Dad. Sorry dad!"

"Yes. I've had a hunch since you came home with the actor. But it turns out that the snake woman can take my heart. Hhh... And you changed because of that snake!"

I'm silent. Dad's really mad. And I realized I couldn't say anything more than to fight back. Because all of my words are right.

"And now! You spit on my face even more by divorcing Ranti! So you prefer the snake than the woman who has stood upright beside you from hard to happy? Ls that?... Amboy, amboys! I never thought the boy I was always proud of could be the one**** who died because of his uncontrolled lust!"

"Sorry dad! If we decide to divorce."

"You don't know, your sister Hera 2 months ago also divorced from her husband because her husband also prefers to marry another younger woman. And now, you? After what you have done and received? You choose to divorce Ranti instead of separating from the dajjal woman? That crazy guy's name! Eling, Dika! Istighfar!... I didn't educate you to be like this!"

"Hera are you divorced from Arman? Why?" I asked my brother who was sitting next to my father. Shocked to know.

"My fate is no better than Ranti's! Arman chose that woman. He's more or less the same as you. And I, apparently not as smart as Ranti because of all our assets, on her behalf. Even Arman took his wife to live in our house."

I cried regretting everything that happened. Oh God! Why my mistakes have affected my family. Even my sister also had to feel the karmic pain I had done to Ranti.

"Stop your relationship with that actor. Back to Ranti, Dika! I've seen so many tears that Ranti sacrificed for you. Don't hurt him anymore!"

"I love Ranti dad. I never intended to divorce her either. But I realized I hurt him a lot all this time. I accepted the divorce because I didn't want to hurt her longer and deeper. I want to see Ranti happy."

"You think Ranti will be happy after divorcing you? And you, leisurely wander off lust with the actor who does not know self-worth? Think with your brain! You are a 4-year-old bachelor, 2-year-old master! Still can't think too? Edan!!!"

"I apologize to Ranti properly! Forget everything. Leave that woman! Back to your old life. I'll forgive you!"

"Dad! I dare not ask for any more Ranti's sacrifice. I'm a nobody now and nothing else. I dare not promise anything because now my poor life. I don't even have a job, Dad! I'm afraid I'm gonna trouble Ranti again."

"The reason!! Where is that woman now? He left you khan? He left after destroying you and Ranti."

"He works in Singapore Dad! He's also broken. Money's gone to take care of my problems. He'll likely be back in a year."

"So you really chose him over Ranti, Dika? You're actually waiting for him to come back and take Ranti off? O Allah, O Kariiiim! From this moment on, get you out of our lives. I never had a kid like you! And don't acknowledge me as your father anymore. Family relationship with you today, this moment I have decided!"

"Dad.... dad! Dad, sorry about Dad! Dad, please erase what Dad said! Don't say that, Dad! Dad.... ! He only has a father! I have no one else in the world but my dad. Ayaaaah.. Sorry about Dad! Please ...help dad! Don't be like this..."

I cried at Dad's feet. I hope you will forgive me. I was so devastated to hear Dad say. I am confused, how else to live life without prayer and father's blessing.

"Dad.. forgive Dika father! Wrong dika! Dika is guilty, father!"

"Since childhood I never taught you to hurt women. Especially women who faithfully in every situation winnow you. You see for yourself, how is father's life. Even until the end of your mother's life, I tried my best for her. Do you think dad is happy to see you since childhood become a market child, making his own living to finance your own life? Is dad happy, letting you fight alone for your school for the future? Father is sad Dika! Dad but you can't do anything, other than let you, support you and pray for your happiness in the future. Because I loved your mother to the end. Because my father fought for his recovery. That is the true meaning of love. Know yourself and see with your heart who is truly loyal to you!"

I cried under my feet. I'm mistaken. I regret. But I don't know what else to do. All I need is father's comfort.

"Dad.... Ever since I was a kid I never asked for anything from my dad. Because I know, I'm the oldest kid. The only boy in my family. I know the condition of our family. Father's condition, mother's condition. And I never blame my bad luck, Dad! As a child, I could only cry alone. When I fall, when I fail, even when many people insult and underestimate me. Dad doesn't know that! My father just supported me and supported me. But I forgot, .I also need your love. I need daddy's warm embrace!I need Dad's shoulder, too. Just say, 'patience, it's okay, it's okay'. I need daddy's consolation!"

"So you want me to say the word 'patience, it's okay, it's okay' when you choose the woman and divorce Ranti? Didn't he? Sorry, Dika! I can't! And I wouldn't say those words to you at a time like this!"

Father and Hera left me sobbing alone. I am really alone now. I was slumped in the mud of blasphemy. I was completely drowned and no one wanted to pull me out of the deep darkness of the sea of life.

Daddyh. I understand your attitude. Maybe even I'd be worse off than you if in your position having a child behaves like me. But I'm scared of Dad too. I was so scared to step. I'm afraid I keep hurting the people I care about. That's why I just follow the flow. Ranti asked for a divorce not me. Maybe Ranti already has other plans to live in the future. And I couldn't resist much less forcing him to continue to stand by me in my slump. I feel, I'm even worse if I'm still selfish asking him to stay beside me in my current condition like this.

I also did not dare to dream more to be with Vika. I just need a shoulder, where I complain about the bitterness of my life.

I just want someone to understand me. And I hope my dad is one of them. But in fact it's not. Dad doesn't understand me at all. Can't accept my way of thinking.

Though I think for Ranti and the future of Orange as well. I want to see them happy. But if Ranti wants a farewell. What my. I can only resign and make things easier. I don't want to further aggravate the atmosphere. That's just my way of thinking. That'sallthatis. That simple. Hhh....

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