I Borrowed Him

I'm Not Deserving

Disappointed, a word from Selena that kept ringing in Jester's ear on a sunny morning, after an argument in the main hallway of the house makes Jester petrified thinking about him betraying his own principles. A principle that was instilled by William to the boys is not to allow themselves to hurt women both physically and mentally, this time Jester betrayed the principle even twice in a row - participating in one time.

His eyes were blankly staring at the bedroom door of the house, his feet unable to even step. Inside her head remembered Naomi's cry because of it, Luna's cry because of it and Selena's angry gaze as well as Selena's disappointment to her, her hand squeezing her head so strongly regretting her actions. With claps of both hands on both cheeks, Jester tried to resuscitate himself from his feelings of disappointment.

"Papa.sorry your son has let you down, but I must have finished this right away" muttered Jester and stepped closer to the door to apologize to Naomi, Luna and Selena. In front of the door at that time, Jester faintly listened to the three talk. Naomi's crying voice was heard clearly in her ear, the voice of Luna and Selena who intended to calm Naomi could be heard.

In Naomi's room crying sobbed - sobbing on the bed hugging her legs and leaning on the mattress cot, with tears streaming down from both eyes. Luna who tried to calm Naomi was seen sitting next to her while embracing Naomi's body and caressing her head, although at that time she was seen crying. While Selena sat in the corner of the mattress looking disappointed, she did not expect the Jester who is usually always gentle to women to be like that.

"Udah ya Naomi. sorry you and brother Jester so like this. All my fault, brother Jester does not intend that. I'm sure of that" said Luna in a voice that was poignant trying to calm Naomi who was still crying sobbing - sobs

"Wake me up. Please... Jester... help me.." in a voice that Naomi said, hearing Naomi who seemed unaware of reality made Selena also emotional.

"You're not dreaming!!" selena sounded very emotional

"Selena!!" snapped Luna in a hoarse voice, the clap made her cry even more staring at Selena.

"Oohh!! All guys are the same!! This is why I hate them!!!" selena snapped emotionally, but Naomi shook her head several times when she heard Selena's words as if she rejected Selena's words.

"No!! No. gabe... Jester is different. I'm just having a nightmare.... Jester's gonna wake me up soon, he's gonna help me, and he's gonna help me..." Naomi forced herself to speak even though her cries made her hiccup, seeing Naomi who could not distinguish reality and dreams ignited Selena's emotions. He walked up to Naomi and slapped her cheek hard, so Luna stood up from her seat and pushed Selena hard to make her fall.

"Selena!! what are you?!!" snapped Luna, before long Selena stood up again and was about to slap Naomi again but Luna got in the way.

"Are you conscious?! already conscious?! this isn't Naomi's dream!!" selena said full of emotion, there was a mutual push between Selena and Luna.

"Slap again... I. still not conscious... from my nightmare.." Naomi said it, her tears were no longer dripping from her empty eyes staring at Selena.

"You!!" increasingly emotional Selena after hearing the words of Naomi, suddenly Naomi collapsed and fell in bed. Panicked Luna and Selena soon approach Naomi, but when they are about to help Naomi arrive - Luna collapses and falls on the floor.

"Luna!!!" selena shouted at that time, because she felt she needed help finally Selena went out of the room and looked for Jester throughout the corner of the house. But when Jester was not at home, he had left the house without carrying his car.

On the other hand Jester is seen walking while contemplating his every mistake, every step filled with regret because he was unable to control himself. The memory of William teaching him self-control was clearly depicted on his head, but this time he disappointed William. Not an hour or so before Jester walked without direction and he arrived in front of the gates of the Gates family home, Jester looked at the closed gate with a look full of guilt.

"Why am I here? Will my mom and dad forgive me?" muttered Jester, his footsteps hesitated to enter the house.

Not long a gatekeeper who saw Jester was about to throw him away, but when the gatekeeper looked closer and it turned out to be Jester. Jester who was surprised because the gate arrived open immediately set his eyes on the guard post and only realized that someone was watching him daydream, slowly Jester stepped his feet towards the guard post.

"Is your mom inside?" jester asked flatly, the guard immediately saluted Jester before answering the question.

"He was inside the young master" the guard replied sternly, Jester gave a gesture of gratitude and then put his foot back inside the house. On the floor of the house Jester saw the butler who was surprised to see Jester coming on foot with sweat on his body, immediately he walked up to Jester and gave a handkerchief that he happened to carry nailed his suit.

"Young master, if you'd like to use this handkerchief. This I have not worn at all" politely the butler handed Jester his handkerchief, with a smile Jester received the handkerchief.

"Thank you, where's your mom and dad?" jester asked as he wiped the sweat on his face with the handkerchief

"The big master is in the fitness room while the big lady is in the reading room, I will immediately announce your arrival" replied the butler, Jester also stepped into the guest room carrying his handkerchief.

"I took this handkerchief, you asked for a new one from my mother" said Jester and walked into the house, his feet directly to his room which had always accompanied him.

Her eyes were fixed on a sofa Naomi had once used to make a pact with her, a table that bore silent witness to the beginning of all the events she now experienced. Not feeling Jester's tears dripping when he remembered himself making Naomi cry, his hands were clenched directly he used to hit the door of the room hard as an expression of emotional overflow and guilt. After adjusting his breathing again, Jester directed his footsteps to sit on the sofa with a blank look fixed on the table.

Soon William and Marrie entered the room with worried faces staring at the child, getting word that Jester was coming on foot certainly made William and Marrie wonder what happened to his son. Not to mention the existence of Naomi who was not with him, of course there were many questions in the head of Marrie at that time.

"Jess... Are you okay?" marrie's question sounded very worried about Jester who looked dreamy and very shabby, slowly Jester looked at his parents with tears still flowing in his eyes.

"Jess what's wrong with you?!" marrie asked frantically and was about to run towards Jester, but William's burly hand held Marrie's arm to hold his step.

"Son... You need papa to accompany you?" william asked firmly, with emotion Marrie released William's hand.

"Jester to tears like that and you still ask?!!" marrie asked with emotion, the feeling of worry of a mother to her child alone puppet that she so dearly became the cause of her emotions peaked. But William shook his head and kept looking into Jester's eyes so deeply, slowly Jester looked back at the table.

"Papa, I need your wisdom again this time" Jester replied in a hoarse voice, William took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"Tell me when you're ready" William tapped as Jester looked calmer, with a long breath and a slow gust... Jester began to tell William everything. The meeting with Luna at the mall, Naomi's attitude to Jester, about the pandora box in her heart, Luna's presence at home with Naomi's permission, Luke and Harry's suspicions, and, and finally by telling the story of Jester and Naomi's quarrel that just happened.

"When I wanted to apologize, I heard her crying and she was still expecting me to help her" Jester said, as tears flowed from her eyes.

"I don't know what's right and what's wrong, it's all mixed up and I can't draw any conclusions!!" emotionally Jester said so, William patted Jester's back gently.

"Do you remember papa's message? papa always tells you to understand first and answer, think first and say, and listen first and give a judgment" said William firmly but his voice sounded soft to give comfort to his son, only with the head of Jester did William respond.

"Try to look at your footsteps and remember the path you have traveled up to this point and then make learning, now you can only look ahead and that is your future" still with a firm and soft voice William tried to give understanding to Jester, but the words made Jester cry even more.

"It's heavy! this is so difficult, so scary and pathetic!! my heart hurts until it feels like I want to die!! I've tried so hard, I've tried so hard to make peace with my heart!! I fought to death - dying at all costs to make things better!! really.. I mean it - really. I've never tried so hard before.." Jester's voice sounded bitter as he said it.

"Papa once said and you should always remember this papa message, it is the duty of men to always forgive women's lies. If what you're worried about Miss Naomi is lying to you about her love for you, you should forgive her and you shouldn't blame her" William said in a soothing voice, William's big hand clasping Jester's head.

"Our job is just to accompany them, let them decide whether to stay together or find our replacement. As a man, you must not force your will, force your love on him, and force him to be with you. There will be time for you to be happy with your opposite sex, don't be too rushed" with William's smile saying, Jester turned his gaze to look at William who was smiling at him.

"Papa proud of you son, you became a loyal man despite your many opportunities to be a jerk like most out there. Loyalty is an arduous task and you still hold to that principle even though your heart has been torn apart by love, but it is love indeed" William said gently to calm Jester's heart.

"Then what should I do now? I did not deserve to show my face in front of Naomi. I.." not yet finished Jester spoke, William cut with his open laughter - shoulder.

"Wahaha... Son, papa is sure you know what you have to do. But if you still need words - words papa to convince your heart of what you should do. I'll be clear now" still with a little laugh William said it, Jester smiled and looked at William.

"Papa's right.why am I worried, I just need to apologize and ask him if I still deserve him or not" Jester laughed a little when answering his own question, too, when it arrived - William gave his phone who was calling Luke.

"There is still one more thing you have to finish" William said with a smile looking at Jester, Jester only responded with a smile while receiving the phone and putting it in his ear.

Doubt and sadness suddenly disappeared after hearing William's advice, Jester seemed to be able to return to normal thinking as before. His heart seemed ready to accept whatever would happen to his relationship with Naomi, Jester also looked more mature and made William look at his son so proud.

***

"Yes hello Mr William, what's wrong?" ask Luke when the phone is connected

"Hey Luke, it's me Jester" Jester calmly replied

"Ooh Jester, why are you using Mr William's cell phone?" ask Luke

"Gini Luke, about your plan I've decided to refuse" replied Jester directly speaking to the point, had been silent Luke did not answer Jester's words.

"If he's just using me, I'm fine. It's a man's duty to always accompany a woman and forgive her lies" Jester continues because Luke didn't respond.

"I understand" Luke replied in a heavy-hearted voice

"Luke I really appreciate your actions, but our opponent is someone I love. I can no longer make him cry because of me, let this be my own burden" Jester said.

"Dumb shit, you're not alone. Harry and I will accompany you as usual, so when you are hurt and down, please call us, we will always accompany you under any circumstances" in a voice that sounds sad Luke said.

"Thank you Luke" Jester's relieved voice made Luke sound like he was about to cry.

"Dammit!! why am I so moved to hear your thanks!!" somewhat snapping Luke said it, Jester laughed knowing Luke was crying.

"Fight!! you know where to look for us if you need help!!" luke said and immediately cut off his phone

***

Slowly Jester wiped his remaining tears on his cheeks and chin, then returned William's phone with a smile.

"Thank you papa, I'll try harder to keep this love. Maybe I'll never be able to make him my whole lover, but I'd be willing if he only half-heartedly loved me or even not at all" Jester said, William patted Jester's back hard enough to give his son a moral boost.

"Be a real man!!" chirp William firmly.