A Man's Self-Esteem Is Working

Depression Is Not Crazy

POV HUSSEIN

After getting the answers to all my life questions all along, the disappointment rippled open an old wound that still had not dried up.

"He let me go because of my parents' pressure, why should he bear it himself? Why didn't he discuss it with me? Why is he careless and takes his own decisions"

All the way out to the parking lot from the wedding, I felt excruciating pain, the pressure of heavy weight as if hitting the head on both sides.

Lucky I could still control it, I rogoh pocket suit looking for a flat object to contact the house person, asking for help to drive me home.

"Dear Assalamualaikum" Ummi said when the phone was connected.

"Um-ummi to-please pick me up" said I stammered with the pain by pressing the temple because my vision began to blur.

"Husein are you all right, son?" ummi sounded worried about me.

"I just can't stand la-gi" I said withstanding the pain that seemed to take away my consciousness.

"Wait there Ummi will tell Abi to pick you up" Ummi said before disconnecting the phone.

I felt soaring, my eyes were blurred, everything I saw darkened, I finally fell right next to the car I was carrying.

Flashbacks

"The pressure he's getting is too heavy, we can't just give him a high dose of medication, but the long-term effect he's going to have is prolonged depression" the doctor told us.

After being left married by Indri, the fear of being left behind by a loved one kept me awake for days, until I finally went to the hospital because of acute insomnia and dehydration.

After being treated, the doctor gave a sedative as my acute insomnia drug, for months I took the drug but slept at night seemed difficult for me.

Deep anxiety, fear, sadness kept me awake, I could only fall asleep in the early hours of dawn, and it was only 2 to 3 hours a day.

Hearing the doctor's explanation, I can only resign, this pain is only me who feels, they can only demand me to be healthy, without wanting to know and feel how I am sick.

"What is the doctor's advice" said Buyukbaba

"He had to be rehabilitated for at least 6 months for us to know his condition intensively" the doctor explained after looking at my body condition from a graph in a paper sheet.

"Does the Doctor think my grandson is crazy to have to languish with those who are not sane" Bentak Buyukbaba was angry.

"We just want to make sure the condition of your grandson" said the doctor gave an explanation.

"Just give him the cure, he'll be cured" hardik Buyukbaba denied all the results of the examination.

"But sir" said the doctor

"Okay sir" said the doctor resigned.

Returning to the drugs, making my anxiety levels increase, months I took the high-dose sedative, not getting immediate treatment Buyukbaba decided to give the sedative again and again.

Instead of curing the level of depression that I feel is getting worse, I often mumbled and messed up.

Everyone thought I was crazy, with full awareness I denied it, I wasn't crazy.

I'm just too depressed because I'm always left behind by the people I love, Hasan, Indri why you left me alone, why you hurt my feelings.

Every time I remembered them there was a deep pain pressing on my head and the excessive tightness in my chest made my consciousness disappear, I drowned on the floor of the room which is more appropriate I call the prison under the guise of a luxurious building, with glassware hitting my body.

Red puddles spread out, faintly I heard the screams of the butler who had been caring for me in the Buyubaba mansion, I closed my eyes as my consciousness completely disappeared.

Slowly opening my eyelids, I looked around and found I was lying in the hospital bed with bandages wrapped around my chest and shoulders, faintly hearing the sound of people talking behind the door.

"I have advised Tuan to take care of young Mr. Hussein in the hospital, the pain that Mr. Hussein suffered could not be treated only with drugs alone" said the doctor firmly, maybe he's upset that Buyukbaba doesn't allow me to be rehabilitated here.

"Do you want others to know my weaknesses? The only granddaughter I was proud of was crazy for a woman" Hardik Buyukbaba was angry that his snapping voice could clearly be heard all the way to my room.

"Young master is not crazy, he is just depressed because of his mood pressure, I am a Doctor I better understand how my patient's condition" said the doctor was upset, it's been almost a year since I went back to this hospital and I just heard the doctor speak loudly yelling at Buyubaba.

"Whatever you say, make his status unknown to the public, lest anyone find out that he's my grandson" said Buyukbaba upset.

Not feeling the tears dripping down my cheeks, what a shame it is to have me now, why I have so many times disappointed in Buyubaba's attitude.

The doctor came up to me, he checked the condition of the incision wound I got when I fell unconscious.

Our gaze whistled The handsome young doctor stared at my old face.

"Sir, did you hear everything?" Said Doctor Aslan.

I could only signal through my eyelids, telling her that I heard everything.

"Master need not be afraid, I will make sure you will be healthy again, Master just need to calm down without thinking about what feels can worsen the state of your health, Master wants to heal, right?" Doctor Aslan said, holding my hand, he is a prominent young psychologist in Turkey, when viewed from his face can be estimated his age is not much different from mine.

"Master just needs to put trust in me, and believe that everything will be fine" he said again with a smile.

This is what I need, the person I can share with even if I can only accompany, the mental burden I get makes me like this, when I lost Hasan there was Indri who always accompanied me, he said, invite me to talk, until little by little the fear and anxiety fades, but who would have thought I would be like this because of someone who had helped me in fear, he became the biggest fear until it ended in the depression I felt.

Indri I hope you are happy with the man that your parents have chosen, I will try to heal and be healthy as before even though this love will be very difficult to divert