A Man's Self-Esteem Is Working
The Repeated Pain
"What do you want to hear?" I asked in fear, until - until I had trouble swallowing saliva, because the look of Husein's eyes were gutsy as if to draw out my two eyes.
"Is this all because of Abi?" His question furiously clenched both of his stairs.
Is it time for Husein to know everything, I thought to myself.
"Husein, that was just a song" I chuckled softly, eager to grab those hands to calm him down.
"Wedding ceremony you sing a sad song and cry about it? Come on Indri I'm not a fool you can keep lying to!" Husein shouted quite loudly in front of me.
This is the thing I fear the most, Husein will be angry if something wrong happens to the people he loves.
"You're yelling at me?" I said surprised in fear.
Both my eyes were already glazed - glass, heart rate was racing faster, the whole body seemed to tremble because of excessive fear.
"Explain everything before my patience runs out" He said humbling his voice, Husein exhaling violently as if releasing his anger.
"Husein" I said looking down at him.
"Explain!" snapped again.
I fell on a garden chair because I was surprised to get a snapshot, I better sit down before I fall because of Husein's treatment.
"Yes, Abi and Buyukbaba asked me to leave you, maybe they thought I would be a barrier to you going to Cairo by then, you remember I always persuaded you to accept Umi and Abi's offer to go to college in Cairo, at that time I was sure you would follow my wishes until our relationship would be good, but you still refuse on the grounds that you want to always be with me, honestly your departure will make us always together" answered me at length.
Puddles of water that seemed to be fertilized by the eyes have now decayed, they just flowed, making rivers without me stopping.
"Are they threatening you?" she said slowly sad to see me cry.
"Let him not be that bad." said I sniffled - sedu with a voice raucous indistinct.
"So that's the Buyukbaba who threatened you?" Husein cut off my speech which made me pause for a moment.
"Husein, you love me, don't you? regardless of who makes us part, it's all our destiny, you're their only offspring, they'll want what's best for you" I ventured to grab Husein's hands and hold her, I didn't want her family to fight just because of our feelings.
"By making me half crazy in the country of people, and getting serious treatment from psychologists to have to languish for half a year in a mental hospital?!" Hussein's words ignited emotions both his eyes flushed his jawbone hardened.
What has he experienced, has he experienced such suffering? is it all because of me? I thought in my heart.
"Husein you're having that because of me?" I asked sickly hearing all Hussein said.
"I'm leaving.." Husein brushed off both of my hands that wanted to grab his.
Husein passed by with me still staring at him wistfully.
"Hussein's back!" I said half-screaming as the person who wanted to be next to me went somewhere.
"I'm sorry, Husein, I guess I'm the only one who's tormented here, I forgot the great love you have, I'm sorry, come back" I sobbed, sobs, this pain opens back up the pain of taking off the love I want to have.
"Justin....!" I can only call - call her name.
"Indri" said Mbak Yeni
"Mbak Indri" same dance almost simultaneously
"Husein Ma'am.. Husein" I hugged Mbak Yeni, my heart really broke.
"Let him go, he needs to calm his heart and mind" Yeni stroked - elus my shoulder gave calm.
I feel so guilty about what happened to Hussein, if I had not heard their words.
"I've hurt her Ma'am, I'm evil" sobs still accompany my words.
"Mbak Indri" Dari hugged me from behind.
"The dance is almost done, Mbak will bring Indri home, please take care of everything here" Mbak Yeni gave the order.
"Well Ma'am, I'll arrange everything" said Tari nodding his head.
I was embraced by Mbak Yeni, crying makes me limp until walking alone I have no energy.
We were picked up by Mas Sapta's husband Mbak Yeni, along the way I continued to regret what I had done, the unilateral decision I chose made Husein suffer.
