YOUR LOVE BROUGHT ME HOME

Epsom.75

It's been 40 days for my mother to leave us, so deep a sense of loss we still feel, but I try to accept the fact that death is a certainty, a certainty,I surrender to the almighty and always climb up the prayer for my beloved mother.

I tried to make peace with my own feelings trying to accept the departure of a very meaningful person in my life and now I don't need to feel pain anymore.

Today I miss my mother and Mother Eva also with the children on pilgrimage to the mother's tomb, we climb prayers over the mother's navel, she said,every single verse I say has my mother's face glued to my eyes and smiled at me.

I held back tears from spilling, a longing that was so deep and at the same time the most bitter I felt right now.

"Please forgive Lina bu who has not been able to make her whole mother happy, maybe even Lina ever made mother's heart hurt "my whisper in my heart uttered the word above the mother's navel, maybe even Lina ever made my mother's heart hurt "my whisper in my heart uttered the word above the mother's belly button,if I could turn back time I would like to spend a lot of time with my mother but I as a human can only plan for the creator who determines everything.

May Allah give the noblest place by his side to his charity and keep the mother from the torment of His grave .Amens.

Thank you for all you have ever given to us mother's children, and forgive us who have not been able to make you happy, for you I hope Khusnul khotimah's mother.

I rubbed my mother's tombstone, after saying our prayers went home.

I know whether or not there is a Mother beside me life will continue to run for it I must try hard and hard to accept the reality of life that sometimes does not match expectations.

Not really ready to lose because losing is so unpleasant, a lot of things that I just knew since leaving mother to be a mother turned out not to be very easy sad and as bitter as any story of the journey of life a mother must remain strong in front of her children.

I recall the memories of my mother's departure from my father, in fact, the most sad and grieving person was the mother but at that time Mother never showed her children when at that time I often caught my mother crying every night in her room.

I remember once when my father's body arrived at my house Grace and my sister's sister cried hysterically, when my father died my mother firmly strengthened us Mother tried to comfort us not one bit Mother let out tears.

And after 3 days of the departure of father Mas Rahmat experiencing hot fever mother very painfully take care of Mas Rahmat when he himself was sick was so powerless because it was drained when venting the emotions of sadness that he pendam.

"What do you want to eat, son?" I'll make it for you" asked Mas Rahmat at the time.

Rahmat who was sick certainly lost his appetite, he said, Mas Rahmat only shook his head at that time but Mother still cooked good food that day to provoke the taste of Mas Rahmat so that Mas Rahmat and we want to eat, and we want to eat, Mother took care of Mas Rahmat until he healed with patience until we finally let go of the father for eternity.

The burden left by the father does not stop there, since the departure of the father, Mother bears alone the responsibility to raise us and think about the future of our children, he said, sincerely and without ever complaining Mother took over the responsibility of the mother always trying to meet the needs of our life and education that we ourselves know is not easy because at this time I am experiencing things those.

So great the sacrifice and struggle that mother has done for us my heart is more sad I remember everything because until now I have not been able to make my mother happy until now,mother is the axis of life for a child needs considerable mental strength when losing a mother figure.

"Yes mbak"

Before going home I turned back to the navel of mother "Lina pamit ma'am" I whispered somehow I'm sure my mother listened to him after that we went home.

At home the mother seemed still gathered my other brothers because later tonight we intend to hold a lecture to commemorate the 40 days of the departure of the mother, he said,after ba'da isya the event immediately began to sound the chanting of verses reverberating filled the living room,

After the study was completed, Rahmat asked us to gather in the family room, and,

"Mother's departure is a very heavy blow for all of us and of course we are all sad but we must know God loves our mother more, for the calm of the mother there we must be strong and sincere and always pray for the mother" said Mas Rahmat with a trembling voice

Mas Rahmat was right and I immediately muffled all my pain and tears trying to mengikhlaskan mother's departure at least I have felt the affection of a mother and should until now I am grateful to have a mas and brothers who care and love each other.

we finally hugged each other and strengthened each other, as soon as I saw the mother who was staring at us smiling now mother did not feel the pain earlier mother had calm there "good road Bu" whispered in my heart

After my mother's departure I tried to get up and go back through the days vigorously, I began to realize that life is not our own, inevitably we have to accept what is destined, I began to realize that life is not our own, honestly I admit the space in my heart feels empty and empty life feels much more different but I realize I still have many tasks in this life there are still many jobs and responsibilities that I have to complete at this time.

Today I returned home and began to run the laundry business that I had long intentionally closed with the help of my two daughters, we began to tidy up the place again, in the middle of our busy life we heard the sound of cars from outside the house.

"Try to see dear who comes" I said to the firstborn

My daughter immediately carried out my command, she immediately stepped into the living room while I continued my work.

"I'm sorry Lin" I couldn't make it to my mother's departure because Bela was in the hospital" said Reza, who arrived - standing right behind me.

"I understand Re" that's okay and please forgive me if there's been a mother's mistake with you all along"

"Mother is a very good person, she said - she has never hurt me in the least during this time, I regret not having the opportunity to apologize to mother" Reza said with a sad face.

"You don't have to worry about Re because I'm sure you've forgiven all of us" I rubbed Reza's shoulders and immediately resumed my work.

I tried to make peace with everything including Reza because right now I just want to feel the real peace even though I will never be able to love Reza but I want to try to establish good communication because after all Reza is the father of my children.