Trapped In Ambiguity

Awkward and Sorry

"Who are you going home with, Cil?" asked Dad when I had just arrived home after waiting for the rain to subside in the library.

"Taxi."

"Where's devan?"

"Dad, I'm so tired, I want to rest, we'll talk again, Dad." I choose not to answer that question. It feels really painful, disappointed and maybe even stressful. But it's not Devan's fault, it's my fault.

I threw myself in the bed, looked up at the ceiling and then closed my eyes to pretend that everything was okay. It might be hard, but I don't want to remember it anymore.

"Cil, let's get up, you're still in school, right?" The sound of Mother's calling forced me to open my eyes. My head hurts so much. I stared at the clock on the wall, apparently it was 7 in the morning.

"Mother? Am I sick?" shirihku. Mother then checked my temperature with her hands.

"You're hot, Cil. Does your head hurt too?" I answered Mother's question with a small nod. Even moving my head feels so heavy. "Rest first, Mother will make you porridge."

I smile. As Mommy was leaving, I grabbed my phone and looked for Devan's number to tell her that she wouldn't have to pick me up today for school.

Wait, Devan? Is he really going to pick me up today? Maybe without me telling you he wouldn't do it. I don't even know how to start talking back to him.

Mother then went back into my room, carrying porridge and also water on the tray. Never mind, I have no taste for eating that porridge, but I like chicken porridge the most. Mother then painstakingly bribed me who was forced to eat after being persuaded many times.

"Sleep, you'll feel better later" Mother said after putting a wet towel on my forehead. It really makes me feel comfortable and a little relaxed.

I looked back at the wall, the clock showed 11:00. I slept for five hours. I try to sit down. Mother was right, the pain in my head started to diminish.

I checked my phone, hoping a message came in from Devan. It's so weird, doesn't he care about me anymore?

"Huft, don't cry, Pricilia.you are strong," I muttered softly at the mirror before me. My bed was facing straight to the mirror, so when I woke up, I could see my face immediately.

Forgetit. I stood up and walked towards the bathroom, I needed a bath, my body felt so sticky.After taking a shower, I sat by my bedroom window, staring at the front street of the house that was so quiet. No motor passed through.

It was 2 hours I waited for his arrival to reach me but he never came. I really hate this situation. Where the hell is he?

The sound of the motor brake made my eyes look back at the window. She's she? He's a-comin. I wanted to run to see him, but yesterday's incident held back my steps. I was so embarrassed to show my face in front of him. What am I supposed to do, now? Think, Pricilia. Thinks.

After not knowing what to do, I finally chose to pretend to sleep rather than misbehave in front of him.

I heard steps leading to my room. I lay down my body and close my eyes.

"You're still sleeping apparently, Cil? said Mother. In addition to Mother's voice, I also heard the sound of the motor speeding away, away from the house." There's a parcel from Devan."

"What gift, Bun?" my words suddenly made Mother gasp in shock.

"Aren't you asleep?"

"I'm just pretending to sleep, Bun." Eh? I'm sophistication. "I mean, I've been up since, just closing my eyes." I'm laughing a little. "So Devan came, Bun?"

Mother stared at the door for a moment, "yes. He's home now."

"Why come home, Bun?"

"There's important business he said."

What important business? Huh. I think he's lying. 'He doesn't want to see me' isn't that a simpler reason?

"You got a problem?" mama asked, looking directly into my bead, asking for answers.

"Huaaa, what's the father's daughter?" Dad suddenly walked into my room with a face made as if he was panicking. It seems he just got home from the office. His bag is still in his hand and his suit he hasn't let go.

"I'm fine, Dad. Look, your son's even been in the shower."

"Goodoo. What do you want to eat? Let me go buy him," Dad bargained.

'I want Devan here, Dad' My heart says that but my mouth says "I don't want to eat anything, Dad."

After Mom and Dad came out of my room. I opened a fruit parcel from Devan. Fruit parcels on a small basket neatly wrapped in plastic wrap.

In the blemish of the fruit I found a piece of paper, a small piece of paper, and in it was a hand-written letter.

Get well soon, Dellong

That night, I lay my body on the couch watching TV with Dad. We watched SpongeBob SquerePants . Forget about age, dad and I really liked that cartoon.

"You're with Devan?" ask dad suddenly without distracting him from the TV.

"Hm." That's all that comes out of my mouth. I don't know how to answer it.

"Why?" ask dad again. This time he looked at me.

"Actually, hmm." I breathed a rough breath. "Devan rejected me," I murmured softly.

"What?" Dad laughed. "You shot Devan?" the question, perhaps more appropriate: the ledek. "What's the answer?" I didn't stop laughing.

"He doesn't want to because dating can ruin a friendship. Dating only ends with two possibilities, breaking up because of marriage or breaking up because of separation," I said to recall Devan's words.

"Devan's right. I agree with Devan. Friendship can last forever even if you have a partner, even if it depends on your partner. Fathers are more comfortable being friends than girlfriends. It's freer than that" said Dad. "Falling in love with a friend is painful" he continued.

I sighed rudely. I wonder why I did it if being her best friend was so much fun.

"I'm sorry about him tomorrow. I'm sure your day is hard and empty for you without Devan."

***

This morning it rained, although not as hard as it was still able to make my clothes wet. At first, when I left, the sky was still bright, but the time on the road suddenly rained heavily, pounding the asphalt to create a calm rhythm.

I ran from the gate to the classroom corridor 10 meters away. Of course this makes my shirt a little wet this Saturday.

"Cold," I said. I then blew my hand and put it on my cheek to make me feel a little warm.

Suddenly from behind someone put me in a jacket. I looked over, but the man turned his back and walked away. That's Devanku, Devan who always cares about me in any situation.

I'd love to call him if my mouth wasn't stiff. But thankfully, my legs can still run to chase him. I hugged her from behind so that her steps came to a halt.

"I'm sorry" I said slowly. "I want everything back to be okay. I hate the distance that this creates. I missed you, Devan. Really."

She then let go of my embrace, turned towards me and held onto my shoulder. I did not dare to look him in the eye, but he held my chin and made me look up at him.

"My friend, I'm sorry too. Sorry for making you cry" she saddens. He smiled and made me smile. "Hey, are you crying again?" He looked at my bead.

"I'm just moved." I poked my lips and he rubbed my cheeks.

"But look, you're making my clothes wet. Fuckin." He turned around, revealing his clothes.

"Not wet, no." my dear. There was water there. "Here you go, let's go to class."

"Come on." Devan is back to embrace me warmly. "Wait." Devan stopped his steps, and so did I.

"What's?

"Don't you want to go to the beach?" whispered slowly.

"But now school."

"Let's meet me at 8. Ok"

I smiled then hinted 'Ok' with my hand. "Btw, why didn't you see me yesterday?"

"Who said? I came to your house. Even I saw you pretending to be asleep" he said. He chuckles softly

"Where do you know I'm pretending to be asleep?" I looked into his eyes.

"I'm just pretending to sleep, Bun." He imitated my style and changed his voice as much as possible to resemble a woman.

I scratched my head that was not itchy, embarrassed. It turned out that he was there, standing behind the door. Yesterday Mother looked at the door before answering my question. "Then the sound of the motor?"

"Maybe someone else's motor voice," he replied indifferently. He then stepped up, ahead of me to class.

I no longer want to create distance with him.