Trapped In Ambiguity

Messed

Upon arrival at home, I immediately hugged my father from the side who was busy watching TV. I hugged her so tightly and cried so hard.

"Hi, Cil, what's up?" father asked in a surprised tone as I suddenly hugged him.

"Ayaaaah," my cries grew louder. I drowned my face on my father's shoulder.

The father, who did not know why I was crying, let me wet his shirt, rubbed my head and tried to put me down. I then handed over the letter in my hand without changing the position of my head.

"What letter is that, Dad?" ask the mother who is next to the father.

Father then read the letter in a soft voice so that mother heard the contents of the letter. After I finished reading it, folded the paper and fell silent instead, just as my mother did not make any sound, only my crying and the TV dominated this room at this moment.

"Already, Cil. You can call him, right?" lirih father while rubbing my head.

I looked up, looking into my father's teary eyes. "But still it's different, father." I said. "I'm going to go to the room." I took the letter from my father's hand and walked towards my room. I felt really bad, like I couldn't hold my own body weight. A few seconds later my vision darkened and I felt my body hit the floor.

***

"Mother" called me to the person I saw first when I opened my eyes. I then turned to stare at the wall in my room which showed at 6. Whether it was early morning or late at night, I really didn't know it.

"Thank God you're sober, cil. Mother of porridge cooking first, yes," said the mother with her face full of smiles. I never knew how to hide her sadness but I knew that she was sad because she thought Devan was like her own child. Who wouldn't be sad when they have to part with their child?

"I don't want to eat, Mother," I said.

"You should eat, Cil. Your body needs nutrients."

I shook my head slowly. Right now, to me speaking is like it requires energy.

"All right, good night." Mother rubbed my head and kissed my forehead. Walk out of my room, close my door, and leave me alone.

I turned my body to the right. I saw a picture of me and Devan beautifully framed on my bedside nightstand. I then took it, hugged it tightly, then closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes, staring at the window that gave a blemish so that the sunlight could enter. I remember, I slept hugging the picture frame, maybe mom or dad moved it.

"Cil, it's morning. You don't want to go to school?" said Mother who just opened my room door.

"No, Mommy. I beg you."

"You still sick?" ask the mother who holds my forehead.

"Come, Mother."

"Alright, rest. Mother will bring you food again.You must eat, mother does not want to hear rejection again.

***

"It's been almost 2 months that you've lost your identity, Del. The cheerful Adel became a beggar. Adel who was a bawel became quiet. Adel who was always enthusiastic became uninspired. Where is that Adel?" ask Kak Rega who is in front of me, in the same chair where Devan usually sits there when the break time arrives.

2 Months have passed since the day I received the letter. In those 2 months I never tried to contact her, nor did she ever contact me. I'm not angry with him, it's just that I lost control of my own body. I find it so hard to find myself again.

"Adel?"

I ignored Brother Rega, still reluctant to talk or interact with others. I realized that I was really being quiet, even in my house. I just want Devan right now.

The doorbell rang, Brother Rega left me and headed to his class. Heri then went to teach my class.

"Adel, are you sick? Why are you daydreaming?" ask him firmly.

"I'm fine, sir," I lied. My situation is really very bad and worrying right now.

I waited for the time to go on for so long until the bell I was waiting for rang. I'm taking Brother Rega home. Just saying thank you to him, I went inside the house.

"Cil, I got a letter from your school for the first time" he said. I looked at my father's face, revealing a faint smile that I so forced.

Dad followed towards the room, sat down beside me, took me to lean on his shoulder. He then rubbed my hair slowly so that tears were back on my cheeks, making the tears spill in my henna. I hugged my father.

"Dad knows you lost Devan so much, Cil. You've been like this for 2 months. I'm so sad to see your change. I miss the warmth of this house, Cil. Missed your strange behavior." A drop of water washed my arm.

I took off that hug, looking up at my father's face. "Dad crying?" shirihku.

Dad hurriedly wiped his tears, "Sorry, but I can't seem to see my daughter in the dark."

I hugged Dad again, drowning my face in his shoulder.

***

"Your child's learning spirit is declining very drastically, sir," said Mr. Romi who is currently in front of my father. I was sitting on the sofa, staring blankly at the wall in front of me. Even though it was 2 meters away, I could still hear their words. I don't know why I was called to sit here and stare at the wall in front of me.

"If this continues, sir, your child's grades will come down and make it to the last class next year. It could have been the worst year for your child who since entering this school is notoriously smart," said Mr. Romi. "If we may know, what was going on until Nak Pricilia became like this?" tanyakanya.

I was silent, not opening my voice. Maybe he was putting sentences in his brain. A few minutes later, I finally spoke. "Then, please, give him a week to be home." Father did not answer Mr. Romi's question 'why did I become like this'.

"Mother's not kidding, is he? The value of the father's son is in trouble and you ask him in liburkan?" said Mr. Romi with firm intonation.

"Let her be at peace with her heart for those seven days. I'm sure, next week, when he gets back to school, he'll be back as before. He's a smart kid, isn't he? I'm sure he can pursue a lesson. I beg you, sir," Father asked.

This time Mr. Romi who returned to silence, may be thinking. "Alright, I'll make a license that Pricilia Adel is in the process of recovering."