Trapped In Ambiguity

Awkward and Sorry

“Who are you going home with, Cil?" asked the father who looked at me with a look of wonder - it might be because of the look on my face that looks so sad. I had just arrived home after waiting for the rain to subside in the library.

"Taxi,” lirihku.

"Where's devan?"

"Dad, I'm sorry. I'm so tired, I want to rest, we'll talk later, Dad." I choose not to answer that question. It felt really sick, disappointed and also chaotic. But it's not Devan's fault, it's my fault. My voice was too lazy to come out of my mouth.

I threw myself on the bed, looked up at the ceiling, sighed violently and closed my eyes to pretend that everything was fine. It might be hard, but I don't want to remember it anymore. Let my brain rest for a while. He was tired of thinking since the library.

"Cil, let's get up. You're still in school, right?" The sound of Mother's calling forced me to open my eyes. My head feels so heavy. I turned to look at the clock on the wall, apparently already at 6. From what my mother said, I knew I was asleep all night.

"Mother, I seem to be sick" I said. Mother then checked my temperature with her hands.

"You're hot, Cil. Does your head hurt too?" I answered her question with a small nod. Even moving my head feels so heavy. "Rest first, mother will make you porridge."

I smiled thinly. As she was leaving, I grabbed my phone, searched Devan's number to tell her that she wouldn't have to pick me up today for school.

Wait, Devan? Is he really going to pick me up today? Maybe without me telling you he wouldn't do it. I don't even know how to start talking back to him later, tomorrow or the next few days. It's gonna be so awkward for me. We always come together, but we get along. But this time, the problem is different.

Mother then returned, carrying a tray containing a bowl of porridge and a glass of water. I love porridge so much, but this time I'm so tasteless.

“Eat, Cil,” pinta munda for the most time. I finally gave up and opened my mouth.

“Already, Bun. I don't want any more.”

Mother placed the plate on my bedside nightstand and then took out a small basin, squeezed out the towel, and put it on my forehead.

"Rest, you'll feel good later" said the mother. I smiled and closed my eyes. That towel on my forehead really makes me comfortable and relaxed.

I looked back at the wall, the clock showed 11:00. I slept for five hours. I try to sit down. Mother was right, the pain in my head started to diminish.

I checked my phone, hoping a message came in from Devan. It's really weird, does he no longer care about me or even just to look for my whereabouts?

"Don't cry, Pricilia. You are strong," I murmured slowly to encourage this fragile me.

I then headed to the bathroom. I need a shower. My body feels so sticky. After taking a shower, I sat by the window of my room, staring at the front street of the house that was so quiet. Not a single motor passed by, completely deserted.

I waited two hours for his arrival but he never came. I really hate this situation. Where the hell is he? Is he angry? Akh's.

The sound of the engine slowly shrinking makes my eyes look back at the window. She's she? He's a-comin. A smile spread across my face, so happy to see it. I got up, ran to see him, but my memory of yesterday's events held my steps back when I was at the door. I was so embarrassed to show my face in front of him. What am I supposed to do, now? Think, Pricilia. Thinks.

After thinking for a long time and finally not knowing what to do, I chose to pretend to sleep instead of misbehaving in front of him. Really awkward.

I heard footsteps coming into my room. I immediately laid down my body, pulled out the blanket and closed my eyes.

"You're still sleeping apparently, Cil? said Mother. Along with Mother's voice, I also heard the sound of a motor speeding, away from the house. Is Devan home yet?

I opened my eyes a little, peeked faintly but the one I didn't get Devan there, there was only a mother who was like putting something on the table.

“There are parcels from Devan.”

"What gift, Bun?" my words suddenly made my mother gasp in shock.

"Aren't you asleep?"

"I'm just pretending to sleep, Bun." Eh? I'm flabbergasted. "I mean, I've been up from earlier, just closed my eyes,” chuckles I'm embarrassed. "So Devan came, Bun?"

Mother stared at the door for a moment, then switched to look at me. "Yes, he's home."

"Why come home, Bun?"

"There's important business he said."

What important business? Huh. I think he's lying. 'He doesn't want to see me' isn't that a simpler reason? Instead of having to work hard to find a more logical reason.

"You got a problem?" ask mom, looking directly into my bead, like demanding an answer.

"Huaaa, what's the father's daughter?" Dad suddenly walked into my room with a face made as if he was panicking. It seems he just got home from the office. His bag is still in his hand and his suit he hasn't let go.

"I'm fine, Dad. Look, your son's even been in the shower."

"Goodoo. What do you want to eat? Let me go buy him," Dad bargained.

'I want Devan to be here, Dad' My heart says that but my mouth says, "I don't want to eat anything, Dad.”

“Oh yes, mother, there was.”

I grabbed the parcel from Devan and opened it. Fruit parcel in a small basket neatly wrapped in plastic wrap.

In the blemish of the fruit I found a piece of paper, a small piece of paper, and in it was a hand-written letter.

Get well soon, Dellong

Just that simple sentence was able to create a single smile on my face. A single tear came back down my cheek. I miss you, my friend, Devan.

That night, I lay my body on the couch watching TV with Dad. We watched SpongeBob SquerePants . Forget about age, dad and I really liked that cartoon.

"You're with Devan?" ask dad suddenly without distracting him from the TV.

"Hm." That's all that comes out of my mouth. I don't know how to answer it or even how to start the story.

"Why?" ask dad again. This time he looked at me.

"Actually, hmm ." I let out a rough sigh and bit my lips. . "Devan rejected me," I murmured softly.

"What?" Dad laughed out loud. "You shot Devan?" the question, perhaps more appropriate: the ledek. "So she refused you?" I didn't stop laughing. It seems like my stomach is starting to hurt from laughing.

"He doesn't want to. He said, because dating can ruin our friendship. Dating only ends with two possibilities, breaking up because of marriage or breaking up because of separation," I said to recall Devan's words.

"Devan's right. I agree with Devan. Friendship can last forever even if you have a partner, even if it depends on your partner. Fathers are more comfortable being friends than girlfriends. It's freer just like that" said the father who somehow switched to serious mode. "Falling in love with a friend is painful" he continued.

I sighed rudely. I wonder why I did it if being her best friend was so much fun. Why am I too selfish to want a more intimate relationship

"I'm sorry about him tomorrow. I'm sure your day is hard and empty without Devan,”.

×××

This morning it rained, although not as hard as it was still able to make my clothes wet. At first, when I was leaving with my father, the sky was still clear, but the time on the road suddenly rained heavily, hitting the asphalt and creating a calm rhythm.

I ran from the moment I got down from the car to the 10-meter-long classroom corridor. Of course this makes my shirt a little wet on Saturday.

"Cold," I said. I stood up and stared at the gate, looking at the other students who also ran away as soon as he got out of his car. I blew my hand and put it on my cheek to make me feel a little warm. I forgot to bring my jacket.

Suddenly from behind someone put me in a jacket. I looked over, but the man turned his back and walked away. It was Devanku, Devan who always cared for me in any situation.

I'd love to call him if my mouth wasn't stiff. But thankfully, my legs can still run to chase him. I hugged her from behind so that her steps came to a halt.

"I'm sorry" I said slowly. "I want everything back to be okay. I hate the distance that this creates. I missed you, Devan. Really,” mumbled.

He then released my embrace, turned his body towards me and held my shoulder. I did not dare to look him in the eye, but he held my chin and made me look up at him.

"My friend, I'm sorry too. Sorry for making you cry" she saddens. He smiled and made me smile. "Hi, are you crying again?" He looked at my bead.

"I'm just moved." I poked my lips and he rubbed my cheek instead. Huaaa, it seems like I want to cry even more.

"But look, you're making my clothes wet. Fuckin." He turned around, revealing his clothes.

"That's wet, huh." my dear. There was water there. "Here you go, let's go to class."

"Come on." Devan is back to embrace me warmly. "Wait." Devan stopped his steps, and so did I.

"What's?

"Don't you want to go to the beach?" whispered slowly.

"But now school."

"Let's meet me at 8. Ok"

I smiled then hinted 'Ok' with my hand. "Btw, why didn't you see me yesterday?"

"Who said? I came to your house. Even I saw you pretending to be asleep," he said, then chuckled softly

"Where do you know I'm pretending to be asleep?" I looked into his eyes.

"I'm just pretending to sleep, Bun." He imitated my style and changed his voice as much as possible to resemble a woman.

I scratched my head that was not itchy, embarrassed. It turned out that he was there, standing behind the door. Yesterday Mother looked at the door before answering my question. "Then the sound of the motor?"

"Maybe someone else's motor voice," he replied indifferently. He then stepped up, ahead of me to class.

A simple friendship, right?