Trapped In Ambiguity

Happen Again

Day after day I have gone through without Devan always accompanying me. Although at first it all feels heavy because there are habits that must be changed, but the next times go well. Brother Rega even replaced Devan and listened to all my stories and complained. It's just that I can't find Devan's childish nature in Kak Rega. I miss that childish nature. I miss Devan. Hugely. Missed terribly.

"How was the test, brother?" ask me to Rega.

Today is Kak Rega's last day of exams, which means just waiting for his High School graduation and it also means that Monday we have to go back to school.

"Okay" replied Rega. "How was your day, Adel?"

We were both in the living room accompanied by a cold drink that I had served in front of Kak Rega. This is the second time Kak Rega has walked into the house since we dated after 6 months. He said he only stopped after school.

"It's normal, brother. Monotonous," I honestly.

“When you have one week off. You didn't use it well? Basic.”

“Rasti had invited me to go camping three days with some other classmates. It's just that I'm lazy again. So I spent my holiday at home.”

“If you go camping you can spend your time with your friends. After all, if you think about it, the SMA time is fairly short. You will feel it later if you have finished High School,” said Kak Rega.

“Soak feel it?”

Kak Rega seemed to think, “Iya.”

“But sister has not finished High School,” I said.

“I'll change my sentence. You will feel it when you finish high school. Well,” said Kak Rega although his expression seemed to think. He seems to be confused about what he said.

Seeing her expression made me want to laugh. A handsome face that was confused. I wanted to pinch her cheek from the anxiety.

"Where are your parents?" asked Kak Rega who seemed to not care about what made him feel confused earlier.

"Wait, brother. I'm not ready to apply yet" I chanted with a surprised face, a few seconds laughing.

"You're this." Rega laughed a little.

"They're inside, brother. Shall I call you?"

"no need. Just say my regards. I'll go home, baby." Rega stood up and stroked my hair. Dad and Mommy didn't see it, did they? Ughhhh! A red gush on my cheek seemed to appear.

"Eh? Didn't Brother just come? Why did you come home so soon?" I try to be as relaxed as possible.

"My miss to you has paid off, right," said Kak Rega chuckled and then stepped out.

When Kak Rega disappeared from my view behind that door, I tidied up the drink on the table and brought it to the kitchen. I then returned, walking towards my room.

“Cie, there's a new one in the dreadlocks, nih," teased dad before I turned my bedroom door knob.

"What the hell, Dad? Oh yes, Sister Rega said hello" I walked into the room and closed the door, preparing for the nap that had become routine.

×××

Because the struggle of Kak Rega and his friends in High School has ended then they are in liburkan. I came back like I was alone at school. My relationship with my classmates was good, it's just that I wasn't very familiar with them. My months of solitude are coming soon. But I believe that one day I will have a friend who is familiar with me before I finish.

I was standing at the gate, waiting for a taxi to pass. Dad won't let me bring my own bike to school. He said he was so worried that anything would happen to me.

A ringing sound was heard from inside my bag while he was busy waiting. And it made me have to reach out to him to get my phone because there was a phone coming in.

"Sister Rega?" I clenched my forehead, confused. I pressed the green button and put my phone close to my ear.

"Waiting for a taxi, honey?"

"Where do you know?"

"I'm here, looking at you from a distance. "

Kak Rega's words made me look over here and there, looking for his whereabouts, but I couldn't find him. Too crowded with street vendors who were also in the crowd by some students. I couldn't find the car.

"You sore neck for looking for me."

"Where is Rega?" my many.

"Wait, 10 seconds I'm in front of you."

I started counting in my heart, 3, 2, 1.

"Good day, baby," he said, who was in front of me with the black motor matic. It's only fitting that I can't find it because my focus is on the cars around me.

"There's something I want to talk to you about. Let's go up."

After I boarded, Rega stepped on it, defended the crowded streets of the city and stopped it in front of a cafe.

I walked, followed Rega and finally sat down in a chair, and ordered ice cream. A few minutes later, the ice cream with my favorite flavor was presented in front of me.

"What's up, brother?" I opened the subject of conversation on such a hot day.

Brother Rega did not answer me, but rather reached into his small bag and pulled out a letter. He put the letter on the table and pushed it slowly towards me.

"What letter is that, brother?"

"You won't know until you read it, Del," he said with a warm smile.

I took the letter and read it. It was an official letter because there was a number there. At least I can understand it even if the letter is in English.

"Why are you suddenly pouting?"

"This is right, brother?" shirihku.

"Yes, who would turn down the opportunity, Adel. Opportunities like this should not be wasted.”

"Good sister." I forced my smile.

"What's up, Del? You don't seem happy about this."

"In that case, won't Big Brother also leave? And we're going to split up?"

"We didn't break up, did we?" asked Kak Rega, looking directly into my bead and demanding an answer.

I breathe out slowly. "It would be better for me if it were the other way around," I withered, then lowered my head to avoid that gaze.

"But we can LDR, Adel,” said Kak Rega who tried to convince me.

I fell silent, trying to string the words in my mind. "I'm not the kind of person who can survive an LDR relationship, sister. If so, isn't breaking up the best way rather than hoping for when we'll meet in uncertainty." I stared back at Brother Rega's bead.

"All right." Brother Rega seemed to be sighing violently. His face described disappointment.

"If we are meant to be together. I'm sure we'll see you again, brother." I smiled and held his hand on the table.

"Adel." Brother Rega took both of my hands and held them tightly. He also looked at my bead and made our gazes lock onto each other. "Thank you for the 8 months we were together. Thank you for being my reason to rise. Thank you for teaching me the meaning of love. Thank you for being the reason I'm so excited for school. And I'm sorry I don't know how to make you happy."

"Who said you didn't give me happiness? I am happy and really feel lucky with the presence of my sister. Thank you for those 8 months, brother."

"And Adel, I have to tell you something to let go of my responsibilities.”

"What's the responsibility, brother?" I looked at him, asking for answers.

Rega was silent for a few seconds. "Before Devan flew to his grandmother's house, at school that day. He asked me to take care of you when he left. But since we are separated by distance, that way I can no longer take care of you. Even so, believe me, I will pray for your safety.”

I was a little stunned when it turned out that Brother Rega knew that Devan was leaving. If only Brother Rega had told me. Never mind, everything has passed anyway.

“Thank you again for fulfilling that responsibility, Brother,” I said with a smile as sincere as possible.

We were then caught in silence. A few minutes later, I opened my hand. "I have to go home, brother. Oh yes, Brother. Congratulations again, brother. Congratulations on fighting for the future.” I stood up from my chair.

"I'll take you home.”

"No need, brother. I'd like to stop by to buy a book." I smiled and walked out of the cafe.

I then stopped the taxi, showed me my home address, got on and sat down with the calm.

I stared at the road from the windshield of this car. My tears came back, soaking my cheeks. I'm sorry, Brother. Pricilia Adel who can be tough in front of Kak Rega is actually very weak. But I can't go back to what I used to be, I now have a purpose in life that I have to pursue. But let me cry until this cab stops in front of my house. After that, I won't cry about it anymore.

"Hi? You crying again? Guess how many times this has been," said the taxi driver.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to talk right now."

"I think you're gonna ignore me again" she said. “Btw, it's been a long time since you last rode my taxi.”

Brother Rega, my girlfriend, I mean my ex-boyfriend was accepted at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, America. Very far, isn't it? I'm so happy that he was there. It's just, I'm sad that I had to part with him. But I can't be selfish. Rega has her own life too. Anyway, I think this is the best way.

But believe me, brother, I will try to be able to go to college there so that we can meet. I'm really going to fight for it.