The Toga Rahayu

69

Mas Reno looked back at me sharply with both eyes of his eagle, making me powerless to return his gaze. A huge guilt haunted me for playing with her feelings.

Reno was very kind to me, treated me very well. I used to think with all his kindness and behavior would be able to melt my heart to accept his existence. But unfortunately all that is in vain my heart and soul only for a mas Andika.

Now that Andika is back, it looks very selfish to me and unfair to Reno. But I don't deserve the happiness I've long lost. As for Reno mas it feels happier to be with people who really sincerely love him.

Several months of being in a relationship with Reno mas on the basis of kasian not the least able to open a gap of heart that is intact just to name one.

I've really wasted Reno's mas, I've never even treated him well. I shied away from him more often, and I rarely paid back the attention he gave me. So unfair to Reno? .

Yes, my treatment is very unfair to people as good as Reno.

I shouldn't have to accept Reno's mas, if in the end I'm going to hurt her too. Encouraged feelings of kasian and want to try to divert my heart to others encourage me to accept the feelings of Reno at that time.

My guilt all piled up on Reno when I met Dika mas and we both expressed the words longing and love when my status was still legitimate and official as a lover of Reno mas.

“Yu answered my question, why did you end our relationship? Am I wrong with you?”.

Mas Reno took a deep breath trying to dampen the emotions that were controlling him.

“Can you tell me the reason that made you break this relationship?”. Mas Reno asked me the same question again, hoping for an answer.

I took a deep breath trying to think about stringing the right words together.

“What because you haven't been able to open your heart for me?. I'm willing to wait for you Yu. If you refuse my proposal for now I have no problem. I will wait for you anytime.

Mas Reno said with teary eyes, I really could not bear to see it. But I have to be firm I don't want to hurt him a second time.

“No mas, not like it”.

“Then why did you break this relationship Yu, you know how much I loved you all this time?”.

“That's all because I love others mas, I love others. I love her so much and she is now back”.

I said in a trembling voice and felt no tears uninvited falling just like that in my eyes. Guilt and desolation all melted into one staring at this man who was helpless in front of me.

“I want our relationship to get here mas only, I want to just be your friend no more”. I said gently and carefully to Reno.

“Yu if you are angry because I am in too much of a hurry to propose to you I will not force you, I will wait until you are ready. Let's just say I never proposed to you but our relationship is going on as usual. I'm sure gradually your heart and love will open for me”. Reno is still trying to convince me.

“But I love other men mas. Didn't I tell you I love other men and she's back”.

Heavy breathing again sounded on Reno.

“Yu Pilis do not make excuses like a teenage high school boy who just knew dating. Taking reason for loving another man is already a common reason as an excuse when a woman asks to break up on her partner”. Reno still doesn't understand what I'm saying.

“Plis Yu don't end this relationship, I've been expecting more about this relationship”. Mas Reno grabbed my hand and held it.

“I'm sorry mas”.

“I'm sorry because I've loved the same man for a very long time. My feelings never changed for him. My feeling never could accept others to enter”.

“But Yu”. Mas Reno still did not accept the reality.

"As I love her, I want to live with her".

If Reno met me when he was a new student first, would Reno sacrifice a lot like Dika mas?.

Dika helped me a lot when in trouble. Mas Dika loves me even though I am only a poor child who happens to be able to join hands to gain knowledge with people of the upper middle class.

Was Reno willing to teach me a lot of things from being completely unable to be able and independent. Is Reno going to look at a little girl and skinny who only has three veils with colors that have been degraded because they are too often used and used?.

Dika accepted it all, dika knew me first. Dika loved me first. Not as Rahayu now. Rahayu is fashionable and much prettier.

Mas Reno is also good, all this time Mas Reno has never hurt me, that I have repeatedly deliberately hurt him, avoid him.

I'm in a dilemma between the person I love and the person who loves me.

My guilt for the great Reno mas as well as my love that is no less great in Dika mas makes me worry and cry.

“Don't cry Yu, I just want our relationship to continue”.

“I can't mas please don't be forced”. I said hoarsely because I was crying too much. Crying stared at Kasian with a Reno mas and felt guilty.

“But why am I willing to wait for you until you really open your heart for me?”.

“Should I say how many times mas?, because I love other men. I have loved her for over ten years. She was my first love”.

“I don't trust Yu, don't expect me to forget you”.

“Mas please, you deserve to be happy with the woman who loves you. Not me. You deserve a better woman than me who is more everything.”.

“But I don't want Yu, I just have you”. Reno has not changed his mind.

“She's back, my first love is back home”.

“I don't believe”. Reno with laughter .

“But that's the fact mas, if you really love me then let go of me, I want to be happy with him mas”. I said very pleading.

“Who is Rahayu”. Mas Reno looked wrathful with my answer.

"Who would dare to take my woman?".