The Toga Rahayu

Graduation Uniform

You ask me how?.

I am still alive even though part of my heart has died carried by love not until I.

My heart feels so empty.

I still cry a lot remembering Andika with all her kindness.

There are deep regrets that can not be expressed, why I never want to be honest to say I love the same Andika.

Sari and Nina were my two best friends who always accompanied me in all conditions, they both tried to revive me to get back up.

They reminded me of the final task that I had to work immediately so that next year could pass according to what we had aspired three at that time.

Yes I have to rise, I have to finish this lecture with the spirit of not only my scholarship until the eighth semester only.

Eighth semester college went well, not many courses that I took in this semester because all courses were almost finished I took in the early semesters. Practicum was no longer there at all, I just had to do the final task of thesis as a condition of graduating undergraduate level.

Actually I was not obliged to make a thesis because, I had been with Pimnas and got gold medal at that time.

I also signed up to be a practicum assistant like what Andika did in the past to fill the void of my days.

I also helped project one of my lecturers in Probolinggo.

I like to be busy I like a lot of activities so soon I can move on from the shadows mas Andika.

Now my days are filled with helping lecturer projects, this time the project discusses about “credit offers at MSMEs in Probolinggo” district. In one week I can twice return from Malang to Probolinggo to find the necessary data.

The hard work as a teaching assistant and practicum assistant I collected entirely, acutely never taking a single shred of the proceeds, for my daily meal using my scholarship money, he said, I no longer help my mother to wash and iron clothes. Like my own son, my coaching professor gave me the opportunity to live in one of his boarding houses.

Six months have passed since I became an assistant lecturer, amassing a hefty sum of money. I decided to go home for a little while on semester break. This time I want to take my mother shopping for batik cloth that will be used at graduation later.

I observed whenever there was a companion and family graduation who came mostly using the sarimbit clothes of one family. Usually the clothes used if not kebaya and jas or batik. I chose batik for my family uniform seems more fitting and suitable. It feels that if you have to wear a father's suit also certainly will not want and will look more strange.

***

“Assalamualaikum, Rahayu's mother came home, how are you all?”.

My mother hugged me tightly like she hadn't seen each other for a long time. A few days at home, I took my mom to the market.

“Bu let's go to market find batik” fabric. Take me to the mom who's cooking in the kitchen.

“Batik make what nak?”. Ask my mom who looks surprised.

“Batik make a uniform later on graduation buk, six months I graduate later so I can be immediately in sewing”.

“But son but”. Mom seemed hesitant and I understood the problem. Mom definitely doesn't have any money. Let alone to buy batik cloth to eat only my family is still difficult. The tradition of new clothes when lebaran in our family jiga does not exist.

“Rahayu already have the money, mom take it easy, later mom just help choose the model and color just”. I smiled as I looked at my mother.

We both went to the traditional market in our city using an angkot that usually passes in front of the house alley, my mother and I went around the market to one by one cloth seller there. Options locked on maroon color batik with gold color motif. It seems like this is very suitable in use from a young age to old considering my younger siblings are still small so you have to find a motive that would fit also in the use of children.

In addition to buying cloth I also bought a kebaya with kebaya complete with songket motif cloth for his subordinates, this time I chose kebaya in line with the batik my family used in red. I want to make something special at graduation. I wanted to leave a different impression for my parents and family considering I was the only first person who could feel college in my family.

In addition to buying batik and kebaya cloth I also allocate my savings for the cost of sewing clothes and transportation costs of car rental from my city to Malang. I don't want to trouble my father and mother so I make sure at graduation they just leave.

I also bought some traditional food and small snacks for my three sisters at home they sure liked it. Don't forget I bought them uht milk and ice cream. It's nothing like ice cream for my family that food is rare and can only be enjoyed when I go home.

***

After one week of returning home I returned to campus, again preoccupied with all the routines and responsibilities. During the day I will spend a lot of time on campus helping lecturers in some projects, while in the afternoon I will usually give practicum to students below. While the night I spent doing my own script assignments.

The busyness that is getting denser for a moment can make me forget the figure of Andika mas. Only in the nights when I was tired of all the activities and routines in my life did I recall them. As usual when I remember that figure I will cry again and roar regretting my every action and stupidity so far.

For a moment at night when I was remembering his figure I tried to find his whereabouts. I tried to call back the number but unfortunately the number was not used because Andika mas was abroad.

I also look for its existence in some existing social media but the results are still the same all do not exist. I didn't find anything at all. Andika disappeared without a trace.

For now all I feel for a man is numbness. After the passing of Andika at that time made me reluctant to open my heart again to a man.

Ah it's good to focus first on education that soon will end this.