Suicide Notes
Suicide Desire
“Suicide is a narrow thought. That's the world view. As if they do not know, even small things can destroy the desire of one's life.”
...~•~...
“Thank you.” Adriana's father handed Victor a brown envelope.
“You don't have to hesitate. I did it because I thought of Adriana as my own friend,” subtly rejected Victor.
“You deserve it. If not for you, Adriana would have been humbled to the end of her life.” The sentence was successfully completed by Adriana's father, even though it was stuck here and there.
The head of a beautiful family is also human. He has feelings. His heart must have been hurt by the fate that befell his eldest daughter. There may also be regret that he did not act early.
“You really don't need to do this. I help not for personal gain,” reject Victor again. “Ah, but, if you want, you may be able to donate to my very new foundation.”
“That can be thought of later, but this is for you who work alone,” forced Father Adriana.
If it refused for the third time, Victor would definitely be considered an understatement. So, for the sake of politeness, he could only accept it.
“Thank you.”
Truly, Victor was fed up with those words, which he had heard many times today. Can the word “thank you” just be omitted from the world?
“No need to hug me!” victor Protest.
“Not fair! That time you hugged brother, the same time I did not want?” The protest back.
“He needs it.”
“I too!”
Victor noticed Tama's puffy, red eyes. He must have been crying over his brother's death for the past few hours.
“You still have the energy for this nonsense?” complained Victor.
“I only ..” Tama bit the inside of her cheek. “I'm disappointed. Why didn't you tell me?”
“I told you, ‘kan-“
“Why did he drink poison just because of a guy like Will? Why not fight? Why .... why doesn't he survive so he can answer all my questions?” Tama's tears are back.
Previously, Victor felt empathy for Tama. It's not easy to accept the fact that your family members are dead. Especially because of suicide.
However, Tama's words make Victor immediately push him away. Was Adriana's problem so small that her beloved sister used the word “only”?
“What's up?” Tama rubbed a trace of tears on her cheeks.
“We'd better never see each other again.” It was the only thing that came out of Victor's lips that just passed by. No need for pleasantries. Maybe he is sensitive.
That day Victor realized something hurtful. He saw how reluctant the Tama family was to take care of Adriana's body. Is it because the girl committed suicide? Victor hears a one-two gossiping about Adriana.
Had his parents not been rich, would they have just abandoned Adriana's body?
After returning home, Victor kept thinking about it. About people who reject suicide. Will he be treated badly if he commits suicide?
Victor is tired of years of running away from his desire to commit suicide. The desire that even came without any reason frightened him.
Imagining him who struggled to live with all his might, to then just let go of life. Giving up for no reason. Isn't that so annoying? Also suffocating.
At first, Victor expanded socialization so that he could forget about the desire slowly. However, still, once he was alone, it felt like his body was moving itself to harm itself.
Alright. All of you Victor is looking for a reason to commit suicide, so that he is no longer swayed by doubt.
After three years, the next page of the book was unfilled. There is nothing Victor can write. He himself still did not know the reason for wanting to kill himself.
“Good morning!” Tama's cheerful face appeared festively from behind the door. “Did you miss me?”
Impossible. Victor would never miss that girl. Any attitude Tama showed would only make her sick.
“Go.” Victor keeps his suicide note on top of a small cupboard on the side of the wall.
“What is it?” Tama picks up a strange book that Victor seems to have just used.
Victor snatched back his possessions, staring intently at Tama. “If you have a little ethics, never touch someone else's stuff without permission. And unless I die, I won't let you open it!”
Tama stammered, but not a single word slid out from her thin lips.
“If you learn a little from the incident that befell Adriana, you should not carelessly enter a man's house.”
Victor spouted out the most scathing words he could think of quickly. Let the girl tremble, as long as she gets out of Victor's sight.
“Still not moving, want me to drag?” Victor smiled pervertedly, and licked his lower lip. “Choose where? Drag out of the house, or into the room?”
“I'm sure, you won't do both.” Tama held her breath.
A perverted man's face is never a match for Victor. He wiped all the expressions off his face, then sighed. “Supdate,” take care.
Tama inhaled as much oxygen as possible as Victor turned around. Had the man really done something bad to her, she was already preparing to scream with all her might.
“I won't be your name,” Victor said. “Even if you stick 24 hours a day to me, I will not guide or give value to anything you do.”
“I won't give up.” Tama clenched both of her palms. “I will definitely make you accept me.”
Victor understood, words would have no effect whatsoever on Tama. So, he dragged the girl to the foundation, thrusting her at Ginette. "Urus him. I don't want to see him wherever I am.”
“Good morning.” Ginette welcomes Victor and Tama with a floating smile. “I don't think you'll be coming in the next few days. How did you guys meet?”
“Again, Ms. Ginette,” Reply Tama. “Just happened to meet when I got lost.”
“Terried?” reset Ginette.
“I go,” cut Victor who did not accept when his demands were considered last breeze.
“Where? I'm coming.” Tama immediately froze with Victor's cold gaze. Approaching someone who hates you is as difficult as it turns out.
“Do you intentionally want to scare her?” Ginette slapped Victor's arm, then turned to look at Tama. “Can you give us a talk time together, a minute?”
“Speaking what? You know best no one can change my decision,” cynical Victor once Tama has left. “I hate traveling with someone beside me.”
“For this time only,” pinta Ginette. “Take it as a thank you because his father is willing to be our main donor. If not for him, maybe this foundation will not last more than a month.”
“That's it?” Victor raised next to his eyebrows. “He is not the only one who made this foundation thrive. There are dozens of regular donors. If he stops, I can find his replacement.”
“I know you're just a little depressed because it's never-“
“No need positive thinking about me. Whatever you say, it won't have any effect." Victor led himself to the exit.
Before Ginette prevented his departure, Victor first said, “This foundation stands because of me, and I brought in the donors. You act like his father is more meritorious than me.”
...~•~...
