Suicide Notes

Reality in Life

“*And this is how it is. This is what real society looks like. A society I hate more than anything. But, what can I do*?”

...~•~...

“What's no problem letting it go just like that?” ask Tama. “What if he tries to kill himself again?”

“Not anytime soon this.” Victor put his body on the couch. Really, his body missed a comfortable sleep.

“You sure?”

“Sure the sun is still rising from the east.” Victor was silent for a moment. “For he is still raving about suicide, and doing it in crowded places, meaning he still wants to survive.”

“Means?”

“If he just kept quiet with his problem, surely he would kill himself for being too depressed. However, if he expressed his feelings, his heart would feel more spacious. You didn't learn that kind of thing?”

A suicidal person is one who is unable to bear his or her own problems. And they refuse to share it with others. While the person cheering for suicide was actually shouting a request for help.

“People like Vero just need support. Unfortunately, he couldn't get it.”

“You won't help him?” insist Tama.

“With what? Become brother? Don'tcrazy. I told you, I don't want to get involved with anyone.” Victor closed his eyes. “Already, I want to rest.”

Not involved with anyone. That is, not having a relationship with anyone. Not depend, or be dependent. Victor was sure they would only be his deterrent to suicide. Makes Victor doubtful of his decision.

Even so, after a day of rest, Victor idly approached Vero's house. It's disrespectful indeed, but Victor keeps eavesdropping on the commotion that happened before Vero showed up in a full school uniform. The father and son cursed each other.

“Oh, why are you here?” Vero raised his eyebrows high. His disheveled face instantly turned into an annoying smile. “Merinduced me, yes?”

“I was taking a morning walk, and he was stalking me. That's it,” Victor's pretext.

“I thought you guys were dating.” Vero leads the way.

“Really? Do you think we're a good fit together?” Tama smiled broadly.

“Which is possible,” ketus Victor.

“It looks like so. He's too rough.” Seeing that his innuendo did not affect Victor, Vero stopped his bases. “So, what do you need to look for me?”

“I told you, we-“

“I'm not a fool. If you are walking, why stand like before in front of my house?”

“I'm just curious, because the noise of the person seems familiar.” Victor shrugged his shoulders. “Again, did you ever give your address?”

“Liar,” grouse Vero.

Actually, it's not entirely a lie. Victor does not know Vero's address, and he finds it accidentally while walking around.

Victor was busy watching Vero's neighbors. Their gazes were clearly demeaning to the teenager. Some did not even let down a voice when talking about Vero's umpteenth suicide attempt. How much the boy was too thirsty for attention.

“Don't tell me you want to come learn.” Vero blocked Victor's path.

“Your school, hm?” Victor muttered then raised his head. “Ya already, there. Studying the diligent. Even if you are a three striped male cat, if you die just like that will only make your privileges useless.”

“Hahaha, looks like that fool finally managed to fool someone,” timpal his friend.

“Which fool would believe that nonsense?”

The teasing continued until discussing Vero's suicide attempt yesterday. They regret that Vero did not commit suicide. On the other hand, it makes them happy, because the bets they place are correct.

The horde spoke loudly as it passed towards their respective classes. Just like that. It was as if the person they were talking about could not hear it. It was as if the conversation had not hurt anyone.

“Yeah. Parting time. See you.” Vero left Tama and Victor without looking at him. As if I heard nothing. Or is he pretending not to hear it?

Victor's hand clenched. Anger was burning in his heart. He had already seen a scene like this a hundred times, and the taste remained the same. In the end he could only exhale a coarse breath, and leave.

“Vic ..,” says Tama. This crybaby had drenched his face with tears. So ugly.

“What?” ketus Victor's.

“Peace,” whine Tama. Slowly, her crying grew. It was noisy and made people start to notice it.

“Shut!” snapped Victor. His mood is not good. There was no time to respond to this troublesome girl in front of him. “If you speak again, I make sure you regret.”

Tama held her breath. But the tears kept flowing. Vero is so pathetic. Family, neighbors and friends. Everyone hinted to tell him not to.

Whether it was serious or just ridicule, it must have been hard for the teenager to deal with it. An environment that does not accept its existence. He just wants to end his life.

“What can you do?” victor said after he was calm. “No.”

“But ... day ..”

“There is nothing we can do. Society is like that. Ordinary people like us where can change it.” Victor stared into the distance.

For others, suicide is just a joke. They were so sure that the people near them would never commit suicide. Therefore, the sentence “ you should just die” very easily out of their mouths.

Even in the form of a joke, should they tell others to die? Not only Vero, the happiest person in the world would also be hurt by that sentence.

“That nature is ingrained. Expanding in every environment. Do you want to silence their mouths?” Victor clenched his fist. He was talking to Tama, but clearly his mind was somewhere else.

“I don't need you anymore! Why don't you just die?! My life is ruined because of you!” That pitiful shout echoed in Victor's head. Repeated with random order.

Sometimes, that “candaan” is thrown without guilt just because the listener is someone who is cheerful. However, they may know how the condition of a person's heart. It is possible that the person has secretly been thinking about suicide, and solidified his intention because of that “kandaan”.

What will they do when one of them kills himself? They do not know that they feel sorry. Showing their sadness. Bulshits.

Did they not realize their treatment took part when the person decided to commit suicide? Lying if they don't realize it. Society is the most disgusting killer by their pretenses.

“A-me...” Tama sobbing.

Tama cursed herself in the heart. Victor always thought of her as a girl who talked too much. However, at this time, when it was most needed, his mouth felt stiff. Not a single word came to him.

Forgetit. In this situation, actions will always be more useful than words. Tama hugged Victor tightly. At least, that way Victor's anger will subside a little. So did the sadness Tama felt.

...~•~...