Suicide Notes

How to Suicide

Author note: This is the yesterday chapter that I re-uploaded because there was one chapter that was missed. Please go back to the previous chapter to read the missed section:)

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“If I wanted to kill myself, no matter what, I would still be able to do it. What's the point of bringing Jagdkommando with you?”

...~•~...

The place Victor called hiding was deserted. However, it looks beautiful and soothing. The cold air brought by the sea breeze seemed to be deceiving, making Tama want to step closer.

“Be careful, the cliff here is high.” Victor restrains Tama's arm, pulling her to sit in a nearby grove of trees. “See from here only.”

“How did you find this romantic place?” Tama leaned her head against Victor's shoulder.

“Destiny, maybe. Your head is heavy, there,” snort Victor. “I think seeing this will make you better. How now?”

“Seeing you are here makes me feel calm,” muttered Tama. He hugged Victor's arm with his head still leaning. “Very comfortable.”

“You like me?” ask Victor slowly. “How big? Is it big enough to be called love?”

“You're starting to like me?” Tama straightened her body and showed great enthusiasm.

“No. Never will,” replied Victor flatly.

“Let's not regret, yes. Carefully lick spit yourself.” Tama returned to her comfortable position next to Victor. “I love you, but if you were that cold, maybe someday I'd hate you.”

“Why later? Hate me now,” Victor ordered. “Don't I hurt you?”

“What kind of person can control his own feelings?”

“Many, you just don't know.” Victor was silent for a moment. “Don't fall in love with me.”

“Why?”

“I'm not handsome-“

“For me, you are the most handsome man on earth,” cut Tama.

“I'm not a good person-“

“You saved a lot of people, what is evil deeds?” cut Tama again.

“I'm not rich, much different from your parents.” Victor covered Tama's mouth with his palm, before the girl again cut off the conversation. “Listen to completion.”

“Why use left hand, sih.” Tama wiped her lips. “Lagian, I don't care about money.”

“What's so great about me? I don't have any advantages,” continued Victor. “Out there, there are many great men you can make a couple of. Not me, I'm saying this for your own good. Don't love a man who will never reciprocate your feelings.”

“You are too humble, I can see a lot of your advantages,” Tama asserted. “And I'll make you like me.”

“What is it hard to give up? I'll die before you know it. Don't waste your time,” snapped Victor.

Is correct. Everything Victor did and said always hurt Tama. Like this second. The man again made Tama's chest ache. Heartache.

Victor lowered his tone and said, “It's only a matter of time before I kill myself. Even if you throw away Jagdkommando, you won't be able to eliminate my desire to kill myself. I can still do it another way.”

“I don't want to hear,” muttered Tama.

“Hanging yourself, cutting veins, poison, also gun belongs to Joe.” Victor looked at Tama intently. “And this place is the one I think about the most. Died alone without anyone knowing. Made my body disappear in the vast sea, decomposed before it was discovered.”

“Dead in solitude is my goal,” insists Victor. “I don't want anyone to know of my death. I don't want anyone to cry or smile at my body. That's why I'm not involved with anyone.”

“Somehow do you see it, for sure your feelings will not be reciprocated.” Victor stared confidently. “I'm not in love. It will only hold me back from staying alive.”

“Today you care about me, tomorrow will be more than that.” Tama strengthens himself. A single drop of her tears fell, it was certain that her belief would also collapse. “I won't let you kill yourself.

“Heh. Haha. My attitude makes you confident, huh?” Victor chuckles. “I don't care though in the end you will suffer greatly. I said all this, because that's what crossed my mind.”

“You're thinking of me?”

“I think of love.” Victor daydreams, remembering flashbacks of his life. “I see many people who commit suicide because of love. Like Alina who couldn't stand the rejection of her step-sister.”

“I will not kill myself. We will live together until old age.”

“Unrequited love. Breakup love. Betrayed loved ones.” Victor leaned his back. “Not even anyone still committed suicide despite having managed to live with the person he loved. Though there is no longer a bully in their relationship.”

“They ..” Tama kept quiet, not knowing what to say.

“Berbalas or not, still can lead to suicide. People say love is magical. I think it's true.” Victor closed his eyes. “Too magical to be real."

“They just picked the wrong way. There are many people who fall in love and move on with their lives, whether the love is reciprocated or not.” Tama tightened her embrace on Victor's arm. “I'll make you one of them.”

“I envy those who can confidently say that they have fallen in love.” Victor exhaled a rough breath.

“You will feel it too. Immediately,” shrieked Tama with a voice that increasingly faded.

“You slept?”

Victor threw away his face. The girl could have fallen asleep in the middle of the conversation. Dan, what did he just say? Victor can feel it too? That is, Victor can also fall in love? It's nonsense.

While people say love is a feeling, it is basically all controlled by the brain. Likes people, things, colors, food, everything because we think it's a good thing. Love is the same.

Whether in the opposite sex, same-sex like Alina, adrift of a distant age difference, an idol, or even an unreal character. We'll love him if we think so. And for Victor who doesn't even believe in love.

“I'll hold you.” Tama squirms, looking for the most comfortable position for her sleep.

Victor did not understand, but it seemed like this comfortable atmosphere made his eyes feel heavy. He was half conscious when he opened the jacket he always wore.

A yellowish light held Victor's sight. Is that the light that one sees as one approaches his end? If yes, then Victor's goal has been achieved.

“Do you always daydream when you wake up?”

Victor's consciousness gathered in a second because of that question. His view became clearer, and now he knew that it was only the light of the rising sun.

“This is the best sunrise I've ever seen.” Tama widened her smile. “More good because I saw it with you.”

“Stop messing around, and stay away from me.” Victor pushed Tama's head which made her legs feel cramped. “Who told you to make my feet a pillow?”

“What's the problem? You even gave me your jacket so I wouldn't get cold,” grumbled Tama.

Victor's cold nerves suddenly functioned. The fine hairs on every inch of her skin stood up. He regretted sleeping in the open area wearing only thin clothes. As a result, his nose was currently filled with mucus and itchy.

“HACHIM!” Victor and Tama sneezed together.

“It looks like we should go home now, huh?” tanya Tama, awkward.

“Except you want to stay here.” Victor stood up and stretched his body. His sleeping position last night was very uncomfortable, making all the joints in his body feel stiff. “Ayo.”

...~•~...