Suicide Notes
Precious Treasure
“That's all he left for me. To me, it's worth more than my life. If I can't take good care of it .. I'm really useless.”
...~•~...
“Joe that sucks,” exclaims Victor. Back to today, where he almost made Tama kill him. “She doesn't even remember her real name because 20 more years never introduced herself properly.”
“You saved him,” Og Tama.
“That's the worst part! I punished, not saved Joe. I told you, when he became a manager, then it means Jagdkommando has left the dark world.”
“I don't understand, it doesn't sound like a punishment at all,” interrupted Tama.
“Spend 20 years to kill, how many enemies do you think Joe created? He did not dare to touch the liquor because once he was unconscious, his life was lost. He had to stay in the dark to survive."
“The worst is the orphanage child and the entire foundation manager.” Victor smiled strangely. “They will be a replacement target for people who know that Joe is impossible to beat.”
“Protecting yourself may be easy for Joe, but protecting a lot of people is slowly becoming an important part of him, I'm sure he wakes up all night to make sure nothing bad happens.”
“Are you aware you've put the lives of people associated with the foundation at risk?” I really can't believe what Victor did.
“Who cares? In the end everyone will still be dead -“ Victor jerks. It felt like the sentence was not foreign, someone had once said that to her. Wh who?
“You just want to save Joe from killing yourself.” Tama took a breath.
“I punish him,” firmly Victor. “If he surrenders himself, he will be put to death. It was too easy as punishment. Staying alive and facing the effects of his sins is much more torturous.”
“Serah.” Tama rolled her eyeballs. “Your story doesn't explain why you wanted to kill yourself.”
“Why would someone want to kill themselves? Anything can be the cause. In Joe's case, too much killing can also make a person desperate. Guilt and emptiness that trigger it.”
An activity that used to make her feel proud, now she hates it. Hating myself for ever doing that. Almost everyone experiences this phase at least once in their lifetime.
“You are also the same?” ask Tama. “Therefore you want to kill yourself?”
Victor continued speaking without paying any heed to Tama's question. Phase tired? He clearly felt it. Tired of life. Butwhy? His problem. Victor never knew why he hated life.
“In another example, Luna. He was the one who spoke to you earlier.” Victor was silent for a moment. “He lost his parents in an accident. The caretaker closest to him had also died. I know he's stricken with grief, but he always looks tough.”
“I can see it-“
“The manager gave a small doll-shaped keychain to her. Pretty cute.” Victor didn't give Tama a chance to talk. “And he once almost committed suicide just because of losing it.”
“Cannot be!”
“Not just a threat or a bluff. He really almost lost his life.” Victor assured. “Joe reported that the girl was missing, then somehow I found her almost jumping off the bridge.”
“You saved someone's life again,” Tama said in a soft voice.
Does that sound like it? Victor didn't feel like saving anyone. He did not look for Luna on purpose, they just happened to meet. And it's impossible for Victor to die under such circumstances.
Victor put aside his frustration, further explaining why someone would want to kill themselves. Losing someone may be painful, but we can't prevent it.
However, inanimate objects are a different case. Losing the keychain made Luna feel useless. He could not keep the gift properly. Nor can I find him back.
“I mean-“
“I see your point,” cut Tama impatiently. “You want to say, any reason can make people kill themselves. But that doesn't explain you. I want to understand about your thoughts.”
“When you prevent many people from committing suicide, why do you want to die,” said Tama. “If you don't want to tell me directly, at least write to the end in that suicide note. Why not finish it?”
“Not yet,” replied Victor. Tama's question was like a burden to him. The living room that is not up to three times three meters feels increasingly narrow, even though it is only filled with one small closet. “I don't know yet. Who knows why a Victor so wants to die?”
Tama opened her mouth to speak, but she was at a loss for words. He wanted to assume Victor was lying, but the eye was .. No, Tama was not ready to accept the reality. He had to refute, deny, or something. Don't let his heart believe Victor's confession.
Be late. The despair Victor showed was impossible to contrive. Tama couldn't see it. His heart ached, and it hurt even more because he could do nothing.
“A-I'll find food first. Lunch hours have passed since a long time,” said Tama in the end. The girl walked lethargic while holding back her tears.
Victor daydreams. His brain was still trying to put together words to answer Tama's question. Why not write a suicide note until it's over? It's not that he doesn't want to, it's just that, he can't.
The reason he wanted to write down had not been thought of until this moment. Victor always believed that when he managed to continue his suicide note to the end, he would have been lifeless the next day.
Victor glanced at the empty floor Tama had left behind, then smiled obliquely. "Little thief" he sizzled.
Tama secretly took Jagdkommando with him. Perhaps he thought that he had succeeded in eliminating the objects Victor could use to commit suicide. Unfortunately, he was wrong.
The knife that was banned in the war was the last option Victor would use to commit suicide. He did not want to suffer too much at the end of his life
Unbeknownst to Tama, in Victor's small closet there is a more dangerous object. The rope, some liquid in a small bottle, medicine, a gun and some other objects were neatly lined up there.
The cupboard was full of special objects that could cause death. Victor's most valuable collection of suicide tools. It took me years to collect these illegal things.
“If he sees this, maybe I'll have the biggest robbery experience of my life.” Victor chuckles. “I can go bankrupt overnight.”
It was laughable when Victor realized he was worried about the least important thing. Of course, her suicide collection was indeed important, it was just that there was someone at the window!
Victor's adrenaline burst when he saw a silhouette in his window. If this was a robbery, then Victor would gladly give up his life. Pretending to defend his treasure.
...~•~...
