Suicide Notes

Never Cared

“*To be honest, I never cared about them. Either they die or move on. I don't give a shit. Nothing to do with me*.”

...~•~...

“Victor is awesome,” praise Ginette. “He never helps with just words. He always does something to save people who want to kill themselves. Since long ago, long before this foundation was established.”

Tama had only known Victor for a short time, but he knew it was Victor. Victor never gave hope or encouragement.

Victor proves Will's crimes that made Adriana want to kill herself. He gave a new “home” to Joe who has no destination or place to go home. He seeks out activities that Ray can do that lose the spirit of life.

“Then, he did the same thing to my sister. Victor saved him, when I didn't even know he was desperate.” Ginette smiled faintly.

“What does he usually get angry like?” ask Elayne. “She's like really gonna kill them all.”

“We never saw him angry. Just hope he doesn't do such a dangerous thing.”

“He won't do it,” Tama said. “If he tries it, we can definitely hold him back. We can't possibly just sit still and watch, ‘kan?”

“Victor is hard to guess, and impossible to control.” Ginette sighed. “We don't know what's on his mind.”

“Stay only-“

“You like it, huh?” cut Elayne.

“Iya,” Ketus Tama. “There's a problem? You afraid you can't compete with me?”

“You think of me as a rival?” Elayne chuckles. “You misunderstood. I admit, I was attracted to her, but not in a romantic way. More like, we have the same thought.”

Ginette cleared her throat slowly. “I don't think this is a good time to fight over Victor.”

“You're not really going to kill the culprit, are you?” Joe confronted Victor at the door of his room.

“Why? Afraid? You did it?” cynical Victor. Joe's much larger body did not make Victor tremble. The dozens of eyes that were watching him were the same. There was nothing on Victor's mind at the moment except anger.

“I'm not afraid of getting killed, but I'm afraid you really killed someone,” Joe said. “Killing takes courage. However, after successfully doing it once, you definitely want to do it again. Killing has a opiate effect.”

The frown on Victor's forehead is reduced. He glanced at Griff who was asleep on the sofa. Expressions soften. “Jaga is here, I will calm myself.”

Victor has to clear his mind. Alone, without interruptions from anyone. If not, perhaps someone's life would be lost to it.

“Is it too late for lunch?” elayne.

“I'm not in taste.” Victor dodges, but the girl confronts him again.

“It's okay. I'm the one who ate, you just accompany me.”

“I refuse,” firmly Victor.

“You won't reject.” Elayne approached and whispered, “I think, I have an answer to the biggest question of your life.”

Victor was in place. Other than the perpetrator who harassed Griff, the only question he really wanted to answer was the reason why he wanted to kill himself. But, Elayne could not possibly know the answer to both questions.

“I read your book. I also peeked through the contents of the closet, finding many treasures inside. I even brought one for mementos.” Elayne smiled.

“Those things show your intention to commit suicide are already round. From there, I'm sure we're the same. It's just, you're still confused by some things.” Elayne smiled again. “And I can dispel your doubts.”

“There's something you want from me? Or is all this just bullshit?” Victor was not patient. “My mood is not good now.”

“I need reply, equivalent reply.” Elayne hung up her sentence intentionally. He wanted to enjoy the tension a little. “You want to hear a sentence from me, as well as me.”

“What are you guys doing here?” Tama mediates Elayne and Victor.

“Nothing, just being planning a late lunch,” reply Elayne. “We leave now?”

Victor could not understand. A lot of things happened in the adjacent moment, and it made his brain feel like it was going to freeze. The feeling is, this series of events is not over.

Why should Tama come with them? Elayne wants to reveal why Victor wanted to kill himself in front of the girl? In front of the person who least wanted Victor to kill himself? Bad idea, but it can't be prevented.

“I didn't expect to see our savior in that angry state.” Elayne started the conversation. “You must really care about that kid.”

The dining table is empty. The atmosphere is very stressful. There was an ominous aura emanating from every single person on the table. It was like there was no oxygen between them.

“Didn't you want to say something to me?” Elayne looked at Victor softly. Hinted that the man should answer all his questions.

“I don't care about him,” replied Victor. “I was just carried away with emotion because such an incident happened in the foundation I founded from scratch. In the foundation that voices the suicide prevention movement.”

“You're too embarrassed to express your concern?” Elayne's bribing her food. “Play in Griff's case that you care about are the caretakers who aren't sober. Then what about the others? The people you saved.”

“I never saved anyone.”

“You did. You make a lot of people fail to commit suicide. Victor the Savior.”

“I never forbid them to commit suicide. I only show my empathy by giving them the help they need,” Victor said.

Victor sighed softly. Her memory shows a woman writhing in a dependent state. “The truth is, I'm more likely to let them kill themselves. Watch from a safe place.”

Unlike the smiling Elayne, Tama was wide-eyed at Victor's reply. What kind of person would just sit by and watch someone else kill themselves? It's definitely not Victor. Impossible.

Elayne's smile disappeared. His face was like someone who was enduring immense pain. "K-my head hurts... to-please," he groaned.

“K-you why? Which part hurts? Come to the hospital.” Tama called out in panic.

“No need. I ... please buy me my medicine. I need my medicine. Now,” pinta Elayne while holding Tama's arm. She cried. “Quick. It hurts so.”

“I'll go buy it. Tell me, what's the name of the drug?” Worry and worry are mixed up in Tama. It made his breathing start to become irregular.

“Sean. Ask him, he always buys it. Argh, fast.” Elayne pulled her hair stronger.

Elayne's tears were flowing more and more. Tama could not imagine how much pain the woman was enduring. Although he disliked Elayne, he could not let her be in pain. Therefore, Tama ran as fast as she could towards the nearest apothecary.

Meanwhile, Victor folded his hands and leaned against the chair. “Your acting is bad,” the comment.

...~•~...