Suicide Notes

In the Name of the Brotherhood

Do you think this story is strange? Doesn't make sense, does it? To be honest, I thought so too. Suddenly Victor becomes a ghost, and out of nowhere comes these strange, unexplainable creatures.

Every time I finish a paragraph, I stop. Questioning my actions, right and wrong. Can I add to the story of my foster brother? I feel like I did something bad.

I've never been interested in writing, my word choice is terrible. I thought, "I have to stop here before I really ruin Tiara's story."

Even so, there is one thing that ultimately keeps me going on with this. I was always reminded of the day I was sitting at the table where Tiara stretched her life. Where the weak body was rotting to make the citizens suspicious.

The police and the curious neighbors had already returned to their homes. I was alone, imagining the loneliness Tiara felt while still alive. Tiara's splashes of blood have been cleaned, but I can still smell her fishy smell.

All night I woke up with black, puffy eyes. I'm trying to understand word for word that's written in Tiara's "Suicide Note" story.

Tiara included many cases of abuse in her story. From there, I can imagine how traumatized the past still haunts him so much. He must have cursed his late father every day, maybe every second.

Screen rolling. The morning sun has appeared. Despite the fatigue, I did not move at all. I still look at the note Tiara wrote at the end of the story.

"You want this story published? Sure do. I'll definitely do it for you."

I think so in my heart. But it took me months before I started publishing this story. The reason is a digital diary that I accidentally read.

"I want to die.”

That was the first sentence Tiara wrote. Just three sentences, and it made my tears fall again. Sometimes he only makes short sentences, sometimes he tells a long story about himself and his hatred for the father. The more I read, the more painful it became.

“This life is sickening.”

“When will I die?”

“Today I accidentally heard the conversation of the residents of the house next door. He said the uncle of the fruit seller in the T-junction had died. I don't know him, but I think he's a good guy for never questioning anything I do. I'll catch up, just wait.”

“My body is shivering great again. I'm chilly. Maybe I'll die soon. Thank goodness, I hope the process is faster.”

“Why am I still alive?”

“There is no more reason for me to stay alive.”

There are many such complaints. I scrolled the mouse faster, unable to bear the negative thoughts that showed how mentally damaged Tiara was. My hands stopped at the last and longest outpouring of hearts Tiara had made. Here is the content of :

For me in the future.

How's your life now? I wish it were better. Have you forgiven Dad and started trusting a man? Are you finally able to live happily? I'm curious.

Oi. What about the Suicide Note? Have you finished it? Don't forget to publish. That story contains our hope together, remember?

Not just about you, but other friends. Friends who promised to kill themselves together. You may succeed in eliminating that desire, but you must keep broadcasting their feelings. We have promised.

What if it happened exactly as I imagined it? In the future, I will not be able to read this message. No one will do it.

Errata. There may. The neighbors here are always curious, maybe they'll be curious about what I did on my computer. Or a fiction lover who accidentally knew my identity. It may also be the police who are doing the scene of the crime.

Anyone doesn't matter, I want to write something for you—or you guys. The next paragraph is the message I want to give to anyone who searches my computer.

First, I'm sure I won't let anyone read my diary while I'm alive. So, I'm sure I'm gone when you read this.

How's death? I always thought about suicide, but maybe my death was caused by something else. Probably accident? It could be due to a disease in my body. Ever since I was a child, I thought my body was a hotbed of deadly diseases. As if I could die from it.

You opened this file for sure out of curiosity about me, so I'll tell you a little. I went to a children's prison once, for killing that old bastard—I mean my father.

Get out of there, I run away and intend to end my life. However, a family approached, and foiled my plan. I don't really remember, which they obviously adopted me after.

The family was very warm and not fake at all. They loved me as if I were part of the family from the beginning. I hated being there, so I ran away again.

I lost the courage to end my life, then became a vagabond. Looking for a job to support yourself. Until I entered the world of writing, and made it the main job.

I know, my life is very boring, isn't it? If you read the "Suicide Note" story I wrote, you'll know Victor. I always call it crazy, but I think I'm the one who's crazy. At least, I still had time to write down the remnants of my sanity there.

Perhaps, the story will look like a justification for the act of suicide. But trust me, I didn't mean it when I wrote it. I just want to express the hearts of people who want to kill themselves.

Either in real life or on social media. Suicide is often an insult. Considered disgraceful, and disgusting. That kind. My blood instantly boils when someone judges someone who has, tried or thought to kill themselves.

Therefore the "Suicide Record" exists. To tell the world, that they should not insult people who want to commit suicide. We need support, we need someone to listen to our grief. We need a warm hug, not a cynical look.

I really hope for you. Do my last wish, spread this story. If it's not over, you can continue.

My love and love for you manifested my desires. If I could give you something from “sini”, I would definitely send you a lot of sweets and chocolates.

April 8th, 2020

_

After reading that, I had no reason to stop. Tiara clearly gave her permission to continue her story. I might have ruined it with my fatigue in writing. However, in plot, the additional chapters I made were not so deviated, really.

The existence of the Red and Blue Creatures did look unreasonable. However, they are in the initial draft of Tiara's story, along with the background of other characters. It also says friends who inspired him to create each character.

I think Tiara originally intended to make the creature he called Death and Life the scapegoat of his desire to commit suicide. It was that astral being who whispered suicidal desires to him and his friends.

There are some other things that Tiara has not written. I guess I'll summarize it and add another chapter or two. Please don't mock my bad writing.

...~•~...