Substitute Mother

Chapters 21. To Aera

I had visited abyan in the hospital several times, after I pumped my ASI and sent him to the hospital but at that time I took the initiative to continue visiting him with mas bram.

I saw abyan so greedy when drinking ASI, even the weight of abyan began to look up which was originally only 1300 grams now to 1500 grams and a little contained.

setup the time I saw abyan, I was always crying and sad because he had to be in intensive care Tampa I could touch him directly.

mas bram keeps strengthening me so I can be patient and continue to give support to Abyan.

"don't cry in front of abyan dear, if he sees you will be sad too. You must look cheerful and excited, so that abyan can quickly improve and can go home with us". said mas bram.

mas bram's words give me a little strength because I know, not only do I feel sad but bram also feels the same way as me.

***

a week later  ....

"honey, are you coming to the hospital today?". asked mas bram.

"no mas, today I feel weak and not feeling well.you are the ones who look abyan and all of you bring the ASI that I pumped in the refrigerator.

"dear, you rest at home".

mas bram and I went downstairs to have breakfast together. As usual, the mother who was still with me made us breakfast.

"morning ma'am.

"morning is also dear". replied the mother who was busy preparing breakfast.

"mother". cried alisya who ran to the dining table .

"the mother's children are ready to go to school yes". I kissed her eyebrows.

"alisya went to school with papa aja ya". said mas bram.

"iya pa". alisya immediately agreed.

"well, this is breakfast first to hunt the cold fried rice.

"thank you ma'am". replied mas bram.

"you have to eat a lot of karin, see your body so thin so". Mom took breakfast for me.

"yes ma'am, I have to eat a lot of food too.

after breakfast, mas bram and alisya say goodbye to work and school .

"here hug mommy first baby".

"mother don't be sad anymore yes". said alisya while hugging me.

"yes sweetheart".

"i'm leaving first, baby". mas bram kissed my forehead.

"bye bye mother". alisya waved her hand.

"be careful on the road dear". I also waved my hand at his alisya.

I went into the house and helped my mother clean the house.

"just take a break, let auntie do the dishes".bi nina saw me collecting dirty dishes from the dining table.

"not what bi".

bi nina came up to me and took the dirty plate from my hand.

"just don't rest".

"iyaa karin, let mama and bi nina alone who has a house.

since mom and bi nina forbade me to help them, I ended up sitting in the living room watching TV.

soon after, my mother came and brought me a glass of warm sweet tea and a sweet treat.

"why do you bother anyway.

"you have to eat a lot of sweet things, let there be energy.

"aahh mom, thank you mom". I immediately sipped her warm tea.

when I wanted to drink tea, suddenly the glass fell to the floor and spilled all over the floor.I was shocked and my eyes stared blankly at the shattered glass.

"karin, what's wrong?". Mom ran up to me when she heard the broken glass.

"the glass fell down, ma'am".

"you're not hurt, are you". Mom checked my hand.

"no ma'am, I'm fine". I immediately moved to clean up the broken glass.

"don't, let me just clean it.

strangely when the glass fell, I felt something strange about my feelings but I couldn't say it.

"mother, I went into the room first yeah".

"ohh yeah, you just take a break". replied the mother.

still with a blank look and trying to make sense of my strange feelings, I stepped slowly up one by one the stairs.

when I got to the room I threw my body down and set my breath so I felt comfortable.

but suddenly my phone rang with an unfamiliar number and I picked it up.

"hallo".

"good morning, is this really mother karin?".

"yes, I am right, what's wrong? ". I asked curious.

"we're from Medika hospital ma'am".

when I heard from the hospital, I was shocked and shocked.

"yes, why?".

"sorry mother, with regret and heavy heart I want to convey that the mother's son named Abyan has just died because of respiratory complications".

"what?".

"we hope your mother and family come to the hospital soon".

my body felt trembling and my mind was in a state of chaos, like being struck by lightning during the day, my whole body was immobile and my tears kept flowing.

"no, there's no way they're lying, abyan must be fine.

"tidaakkkkk...no way". I screamed so loud convincing myself that everything was just a dream.

"no, abyan is alive and yesterday he was fine.

"karin, what's wrong son". mom and bi nina came to the room when they heard me scream.

"mom, tell me this is all a dream.

"what's the matter, baby, why are you crying and telling mom".

"abyan ma'am, they said abyan was dead. It was all a lie, ma'am, it's not true ma'am.

mom and bi nina were surprised to hear my words, they also looked shocked and could not believe what I said.

"who said it?  what's bram?". asked mom.

"not ma'am, the hospital called me ma'am.

"bi, say the same Mr. Ahmad prepare a car. we will go to the hospital now.

"well ma'am". bi nina immediately went to look for Ahmad.

"honey, let's get ready for the hospital now. Mom's gonna call bram first".

when my mother called Mas Bram, I immediately rushed to change my clothes and prepared.

"it's over, let's go. Mommy told bram and your dad".

me and my mom went straight to the hospital, on the way I kept crying and fidgeting, I still couldn't believe everything.

"you must be patient and sincere". mother held my hand.

***

as soon as I reached the hospital, I continued to run without thinking about anything.I ran towards the nursery where Abyan was treated.

"karin, slow down son". Mom yelled at me but I didn't pay attention to mother's words.

my legs stopped when I arrived at the door of the room, I slowly stepped my feet and stared at the bed in the corner of the room.

I saw that Abyan's entire body had been covered by a white cloth and was no longer visible.

"a. abyan". My hands trembled as I touched her bed.

I slowly unfolded the white cloth and saw abyan's pale face without a smile again.

"aaghhhhh.. No way, none of this is possible, this is not abyan.

"karin, son, you must be sincere, patient, dear.

"i haven't had time to carry her, ma'am, why has to be so fast.

"at the age of us no one knows dear, Maybe God is more affectionate with abyan, so abyan will not feel pain anymore" replied the mother.

I continued to doubt it so much, my life immediately collapsed and some of my soul felt lost.

"honey". said mas bram who just arrived at the hospital.

"bram, thank God you've come.

I was not aware that mas bram had arrived, I was constantly crying without stopping.

mas Bram hugged me and wiped my tears with his hands.

"honey, we must sincerely abyan yes.you can not cry again, later abyan also follow sad see you".

"all my fault, I can't take good care of Abyan.

"it's not your fault baby, don't beat yourself up".

"abyan is still alive right mas, abyan does not leave us right". I tugged on the sleeves of mas bram clothes.

mas bram just fell silent and looked at me with his sad face, mas bran trying to calm me who was constantly crying.

"honey". mas bram hugged me tightly with both hands.

at that time also the doctor who handled Abyan came and gave us an explanation.

"forgive us parents.we have tried but could not be to save Abyan". the doctor slightly bent his body over his apology.

"what's going on Doc?". asked mom.

"initially, Abyan was still fine but after he drank milk, his lungs had problems and difficulty breathing. After we checked, he had damage to his lungs, which caused him to have seizures". answer doctor.

"no, there's no way ". My tears just keep flowing without stopping.

"well doctor, we will take care of his administration and will soon bury his body.

"well mom".

mom walked up to me and Mas bram

"you must be strong, son, all this has been determined by God".

"why must it be now ma'am, even my hands haven't touched it".

"iyaa mom knows baby". mother rubbed my head.

"bram, bring home karin. I'll solve the problem here.

"well mom".

with a limp step I walked out of the room with in a hand held by mas bram.

not that I do not accept the reality but all this is too fast for me. less than a month I have to lose the abyan I just gave birth to. even my hands have not had time to touch his tiny body.

I felt like I had lost half of my life, even I had instantly lost strength and my whole body was hard for me to move.

"honey, it must be strong yes.I am also like you, my heart is also broken and sad.

"i want to go with abyan mas".I replied dreamily staring out the car window.

"honey, why do you talk like that. are you not thinking about me and alisya". said mas bram with a slightly high tone.

maybe my words are a little exaggerated but that's how I feel, losing a child is a sadness I can't express with words.

arriving at the house bi nina greeted me with her cries.I could not see anywhere, my gaze all felt empty.

"mother". said alisya who looked at me.

"honey". I immediately cried when I heard his alisya call me.

I hugged his brow with my cry, his alisya seemed to understand what I was going through, he hugged me tightly.

"mother do not cry anymore". said alisya.

"hmm. Mother will not be sad anymore.

my heart was a little calm when I saw her and hugged her.I had to be patient and strong so that alisya did not feel my sadness.

"bi, please take care of alisya yes". said mas bram to bi nina.

"yes sir".

"honey, papa take you to the room first yes".

"yes pa".

***

public cemetery....

everyone including my family attended the funeral of abyan.mama and papa mas bram who had just arrived from Singapore were also present, as well as the father and mother who accompanied by me.

the sadness continued when I saw that Abyan's body had to be buried by the ground.My legs felt limp until I fell to the ground.

"honey, you're fine". mas bram responded to help me.

"patience karin, you have to be tough". said mama.

I cried so much, I could not even hear the sounds around me. My whole body was numb and I stared at the tomb of Abyan who had been buried in the ground.

I approached abyan's tomb and hugged him, I sprinkled flowers and water over the abyan tomb.

"it's no good to be constantly crying in front of the tomb.

"let's go home".Take mom to me.

"i want to be here, ma'am.

"it's afternoon baby, let's go home". mas bram raised my hand to help me stand up.

"pity abyan mas, he's alone.

mas bram was surprised to hear my words and shed his tears, mas bram hugged me.

with a heavy heart I left the tomb abyan.My eyes continue to look back to look at the tomb abyan is still wet.

****

Homehouse...

arriving home all gathered in the living room, sadness still appeared on their faces.even I could not help my tears that kept flowing.

I looked at the photo of Abyan on my phone, it all seemed like a dream to me.

"bram, you have to take a leave of absence to take care of karin.

"yes pa, I also plan like that.

"you bring karin rest, so that his mind is calm.

"ayo baby, we're resting". mas bram took my hand.

"rest, baby, don't cry anymore". Mom gave her spirit to me.

life no one can guess or guess, it all happens suddenly without any prior notice.

at any time we have to be ready and accept, but not with me. I still find it hard to accept the fact that Abyan has left me for good.

I feel like I failed to be a mother because I couldn't take good care of her, even on her last day.