Substitute Mother

Chapters 161. Dying Inside

Night bathed in stars whose moon pokes timidly behind the thick clouds. The hour hand crawled into the early hours, sending every gust fetching each other's dreams. Of the eyes that are still awake, there are two souls whose minds are wandering. One was standing at the door with his hands hanging, like a fool. Looking at the door of the room that the last few nights became a place to sleep.

The insomnia came back, messing with Jeanno's bed time which was originally arranged thanks to Judith's mattress. If the night before he could enter at will, then not this time. Not when the real owner has returned, even if only temporarily. His hand was hanging, his senses barely escaping making him knock on the door.

The old Jeanno Alexander, will surely knock and enter before Judith responds. Letting his body lie on the bed and then sleep without the permission of the owner. Jeanno who used to be so hard, so arrogant, always forced his will.

“You must live. Don't leave me before I let”

A sentence he had said to Nayara who was dying. So selfish, huh? Forcing a tired woman to struggle to heal is much less likely. Jeanno who once, once expressed his anger at the medical personnel and also God for having ‘take’ dear. Blaming why he should be given such punishment.

The old Jeanno, so blinded by high self-esteem. So there is no mercy for anyone who nudges him, including Judith. The woman who had bathed her daughter with the affection of a mother she had not felt for too long. The woman who treats him well, cooks delicious food, prepares all his needs like a wife.

The woman he played with in his heart, whom he used his body, whom he called by the name of his late wife when he picked up white.

That woman, Judith.

In the past, Jeanno thought by releasing it then the guilt was gone. But his assumption is wrong, every day he goes through without the existence of Judith, much heavier than he imagined. Guilt mixed with longing, maybe? The two feelings smothered him until he had difficulty breathing. Both Jeanno and Aera change, since Judith disappeared in her escape.

“If all is forgiven, do you want to fight for him? You fought for Nayara at the expense of everything. Now that you're in love again, Judith has every right to fight as much as you did to Nayara”

Mark's words this afternoon came back. Not as easy as it says in the mouth. Jeanno may, perhaps, save the love for Nayara's twin sister, but the mistake she made was much greater. Jeanno was afraid that he would act, instead of bringing Judith closer but instead the opposite.

And Jeanno could no longer bear the guilt that Aera would have to lose her mother figure again for the second time.

**

Blocked by the door leaf, Judith was sitting hugging her knees with her back against the door. He could not sleep that night, for some reason the air blew colder than usual. Or just his feelings?

“Alana.. Is my decision correct? I came back here just for a little while and for Aera, right? But every time I see it, my heart hurts. I remember every word he said the last night we made love. It's hard to forget all that, Al”

Prostitutes should be treated like prostitutes.

The sentence continued to resonate and further solidified his voice as Judith laid her body on her old bed. Every memory is like a spinning clip, of how Jeanno, who is in perfect harmony, scratches nothing but wounds and blood. I don't know how many times Judith changed her sleeping position, which didn't help at all. The whisper stopped when he got away from the bed.

And here he was, curled up like a cold little boy behind the door. Looking at the bed that now looks terrible.

“But I can't hate him. I can't throw it away as hard as I try. Alana, why should we fall in love with the same man?”

**

In a closed workspace, Arman spends somehow long reading and researching every fact from the information he has collected. Part of what he got from acquaintances in Jeanno's company, that Nayara Alexander is rumored to have suffered from blood cancer that is getting worse and more critical. When Jeanno himself intervened to take care of his wife, about three months the man disappeared completely, while his role in the company was replaced by Marco Sebastian. Then Jeanno reappeared, as a much colder and difficult person to approach. He who was originally closed, became repeatedly closed himself. It even refused to come to formal events, which always sent representatives either from Marco or his secretary.

Jeanno who was previously often absent from office activities because of keeping Nayara in the hospital, after that even more often spent his time to work. Sometimes bring your little one to the office, which happens to be a hidden room used as a room in Jeanno's workspace. Which can be used to rest and play the princess.

Since then the figure of Nayara Alexander like lost swallowed by the earth. Each asked how his wife's condition, Jeanno only answered “sedang in recovery. Just pray the best” is always like that. Until the questioner exhausted himself and forgot about the health problems of Alexander.

Then about a year later, the public was surprised by the reappearance of Nayara Alexander. With a healthy and beautiful physique. Like never fighting a malignant disease as rumored. Jeanno also proudly showed his wife in public, much different from before.

Funny thing is, after Arman noticed, Judith's disappearance was only a short difference with the reappearance of Nayara Alexander. Nayara's appearance is certainly different from Judith's. Nayara whose dress style is so calm, dark brown hair that is stretched to the waist, make a simple make up. Not comparable to Judith whose hair was shorter and light colored. Also Judith's fashion style is more impressed sexy. At first glance, the two women were very different.

But.. what if Judith's appearance is changed like Nayara's, and vice versa?

Regarding the wound on Judith's earlobe, the other day he had seen a faint scratch there when visiting Jeanno's daughter. Not long to notice, but Arman believes what he believes. According to the beginning of his meeting with ‘Nayara’ who looks very nervous tend to be afraid, then ‘Nayara’ who had disappeared again followed by the figure of Jeanno who returned closed.

Nayara is Judith.

At a cafe two minutes from Jeanno's residence, Arman grabbed his cell phone, dialed Jeanno Alexander's number.

“Halo”

“Good morning, Mr. Alexander. Remember me?”

“Yes. Arman Mahendra's. Is there anything I can help you with? Given that we have not communicated for a long time, if you contact me for reasons that are not important, it's good that you disconnect first”

Arman smiled, admiring how Jeanno was still arrogant behind the secrets he kept. “I'm just asking you for a minute, Jeanno”

I heard a rough breath. “Tell me what your purpose is to call me”

“To be honest I still hold guilt to your wife. I want to apologize again, but I'm confused.I have to apologize in person or.”.

Jeanno's grip on her phone crumpled. “Or.?”

“Or have to apologize in his post?”