Substitute Mother

Chapters 136. The Cut That Alwayas Bleeds

“I heard you got a tip from a client? Where did you hide the money? you want to eat it yourself? Basic girl greed”

“Jaga talks, Johan! I keep what is my own right. And shouldn't the nickname ‘rakus’ be addressed to you? You've already got a share of my clients, but you shamelessly still ask for the tips they gave me personally”*

“Women don't know it's lucky! If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be able to get clients. Who wants to be served by a woman who has given birth? While there are still many young and fresh prostitutes. You should have thanked”*

“I still get clients because of my satisfying game, not because of your speaking ability in front of them. Tell me, have you ever gotten a complaint for my service? No right? And you need to remember I gave birth to none other than you and your stupid sex!”*

“You still blame me? Which I told you to throw them away. But you who acted like an angel decided to save them? And now that they're born, you ignore them. You didn't have any motherly nature from the start, Rani. If you throw them away long ago, we won't be like this”*

“I decided to save them because I thought they could we sell!”*

Aleta Maharani Johan, who is six years old, can only lie on her stomach under the bed while covering both ears with the palm of her hand. At that early age did not understand what the quarrels of her parents meant, which Aleta knew, two adults who considered Father and Mother almost every day shouting at each other, throwing hateful gazes and pointing fingers at each other. Aleta was afraid, Aleta wanted to cry. But he remembered his mother had once snapped at him because he was crying. The little girl is sometimes confused, based on television, she sees a little girl loved by her parents. Bribed, stroked his hair, carried, invited to walk. But what he got in his house was never like that. Never be invited to walk, given a smile never. Aleta spent her daily life accompanied by a middle-aged woman whom she used to call bik Jum. Bik Jum who was with Aleta from morning until night at nine. After that, Aleta was at home with her father and mother.*

In fact, the little girl was much more comfortable when there was a bik Jum with her.*

*

Judith's awake. His eyes closed again as the light of the lamp instantly greeted him, several times he opened his eyes and blinked again, trying to adjust. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was lying in a white room, which was definitely not his room. Left right is empty, nobody.

Judith is back. His head was dizzy from a childhood dream that approached him. Judith had not dreamed of those bad memories for a long time. When he's a weak and frightened little version. Or rather Aleta who was weak and afraid. No, Judith shook her head. She doesn't want to be Aleta anymore. Aleta's been dead for six years. What he has now is Judith. Ananta Judith's.

“Please bring some Judith clothes. This is the access card. Don't forget you should eat too, baby”

There was a woman's voice not far from Judith's bed. He recognized the voice, the voice of his best friend Hannah.

“You should also eat and get enough rest. I go first huh?”

“Be careful”*

The door closed, the next second she saw Hannah walking to her bed. The woman was surprised to see Judith who had opened her eyes.

“Jeez, you're sober!”

“Say, what are you feeling? You thirsty? Hungry up? Not dizzy? or is someone sick? say, babe”

“Two days one night. Last time we found you passed out” Hannah pulled a chair beside Judith's bed to sit on. Brushed his best friend's hair painstakingly.

“Ah it..” Judith's eyes closed, remembering the last condition before it was all dark. “Hannah..”

“Ya?”

“I'm pregnant”

The movement of the hand that was combing stopped. Judith opened her eyes and looked blankly at the roof. But there was a circle of tears flowing there, falling soaked his ears.

“Yes, I tau”

“I'm pregnant. It feels great to know the fact that there is another life growing with me. I've never met with’nya’, never touched’nya’. But I already love’nya’, love my future son. I used to think getting pregnant was a troublesome thing. Weight gain, waist pain, difficult sleep, not to mention having to keep the body after giving birth. If you know pregnancy is very happy, since I was pregnant, yes?”

Although Judith said it with laughter and laughter, the universe knew that the woman's heart was being sliced.

“But Hannah, do you think she's shy about not having a mother like me?” Judith gathered her strength to just move her hands up the stomach, rubbing them slowly. Trying to feel ‘life’ there that actually does not exist.

“For what's shy?”

“Because of me. a prostitute. Jeanno himself said, prostitutes should be treated like prostitutes. If my son was born, he would be ashamed. I'm afraid he'll be harassed by his friends for having a mother like me. Or do I just choose homescholling?”

Hannah was eager to cut off Judith's words that began to stretch. However, he could not string up a sentence how to explain to his family that ‘anak’ was gone.

“I was in that position, it hurt so much. I went to school to study, to make friends. But they just stayed away from me, and yelled at me ‘Aleta bastard’, ‘Her mother Aleta prostitute’. I come home almost every day crying. But stupidly, I still leave school”

“I don't want my son to feel what I've ever felt”

“Hannah?”

Only Hannah herself knew how hard she was trying to hold back tears. “Ya?”

“If my son asks his father, what do you think I should answer?”

“There is no way I will answer ‘Your father hates mother because mother has lied to him’. Or I'll just say her father is dead?”

“Judith..”.

Judith smiled again, as her tears grew. “I'm selfish huh? deciding to continue this pregnancy when you know that later it will not be easy. It's okay if I'm the only one suffering. But son? I don't want her to suffer, Hannah. I want him to always be happy. Without knowing his father hated his mother. Without knowing that his father never loved his mother. I want to raise my son well and lovingly, without making him hate his father. I want him to know that his presence is the greatest gift God has given me”

“Judith, listen to me” this time Hannah slightly raised her voice. Who succeeded in seizing Judith's attention, made the woman stop her speech.

“Why are you crying, Hannah?”

Hannah takes Judith's free hand. Grasped it tightly. “I'm sorry, dear”

Judith's face paled, recalling the intense abdominal pain last time in the apartment. The woman shook her head hard. “You.. lied, right?”

Hannah's tears are flowing. Realizing that the fingers he was holding were stiffening and cold, Hannah tightened her grip. “I'm sorry, Judith. I'm sorry”

Late in the evening, the white-clad room became a silent witness to how the crying of two heart-wrenching friends. The mother-to-be who had to give up her dream of raising her baby, making all the beautiful shadows in the future collapse formless. Then another woman who was hurt because she felt she could not save her best friend.

For the second time, Judith was devastated.

**