Should We Get Married?

You're Not My Friend!

"Do we need to discuss this with Juan?" I made a suggestion. Suddenly the idea popped into my mind. It makes Aurel uncomfortable. He must have known how Juan would respond to the idea. "Me and Juan weren't okay before. But that was yesterday before I got to know him more. Now I can slowly forgive him." I said again.

"Oh, so." Aurel forced a smile even though her smile seemed to imply anger. "Here we go, we'll talk later, but the baby is still unborn. I'm just here to get to know you better. How about we be friends, Yu?" bargain Aurel.

"I don't want to be friends with you!" I rejected Aurel's offer honestly and certainly made Aurel shocked.

"Oh so?" he forced a smile even though his smile looked strange. "Alright, it seems like I have to say goodbye because there is still a lot to do. It's good to meet you, Yu, even if you refuse the friendship offer I made!" Aurel. "Oh yeah, I just reminded you at once curious, Yu, if Juan is the man who has been fiddling with you, instead of you hating him so much, but why now instead stay by his side?"

I'm speechless. What he said is true. I used to hate Juan, but now, I'm even starting to like him. Perhaps this so-called love comes because of the togetherness between us that is too often. "Then is that wrong?" I asked myself.

"Yu, whose name is a criminal is still a criminal. People who have ruined your life will leave a trauma in your heart. I really feel sorry for you, I know you were forced to accept Juan's help because you were a kara in this town. Aye, right?" he seemed to remind me that there was no way a sexual assault offender could be with his victims. I already have a trauma that makes me if I force myself to stay with him then there I myself will be tormented. But is that really so?

What Aurel said really worried me. At the moment I feel comfortable with Juan, but Aurel says it's just a trick because my condition is squeezed and Juan is the only one who helps me. But still, the trauma he had previously created would torment me as I continued to decide with him.

The perpetrator and the victim will never be able to bwrsa! Aurel re-emphasized that. So it keeps ringing in my memory even though he's gone.

***

That thing came back to my dream. When Juan pulled me into the car, he took me to a strange place for me. There he did this wicked deed. Not like a dream because the smell of alcohol is really real yerboum. I screamed hysterically. Not only woke Cici, but also Aunt Zelma who slept in the next room.

"What's up, Yu? You're having nightmares, aren't you?" aunt Zelma gave me a glass of water. "Oh my God, you have a fever?" Aunt Zelma held my forehead. "We're going to the hospital, yeah. Worried something happened to your body. Can you prepare yourself? Auntie wants to call Juan first."

"No. Don't bi," I held aunt Zelma's hand so as not to go. "i'm fine, I don't want to go to the hospital." I said. I don't want to see Juan right now. What Aurel said still flashed clearly in my mind. The comfortable feeling that was originally felt now began to intersect with fear as when he did the depraved act.

"But you have a high fever, if you let yourself worry about being dangerous to your baby, son." persuaded aunt Zelma.

"Later I can buy drugs at the stall, bi,"

"Don't Yu, her name pregnant women should not take drugs carelessly. Anyway, now you wait here, auntie call Juan first."

"No, no, no. Don't." I begged Aunt Zelma while assuring her that my condition was fine. I don't need to go to the hospital because now all I want is rest. Aunt Zelma was actually worried, but since I insisted plus could convince her by pretending it was better so she finally left.

"But remember Yu, if there's anything, tell Auntie immediately." Aunt Zelma ordered.

I don't want to see Juan anymore. I have to get out of here so he can't find me. But where to? Jakarta is still very foreign to me.

In this condition, I miss my father, my father, and my mother Yuni. If only that fateful incident had not happened to me, perhaps my way of life would not have been like this. I can still be around them, if there's a problem they'll help me find a way out.

***

Eight o'clock in the morning. I woke up with a shivering body. Remembering the dawn prayer. It was hard for me to get up, but hard because I lost my strength. Even just picking up a blanket is hard. I want help but not strong. My voice was choked. But I don't want to give up so easily, I tried hard to get up until finally my body fell out of bed.

***

"Where is this?" I asked, when both my eyes were open. There's Juan. I turned my face away.

"Yes, are you awake?" Juan. "Is anyone sick?"

"Go."

"Why? You want to rest?"

"Yes." Yeah."

"alright. I'll wait there." he pointed to the chair that was in this room.

"Don't. Go."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you here!"

"Yu,"

"Go "

"Yu,"

Suddenly there was the sound of sobs. Juan crying. He lowered his head. But why is he crying? "Why?"

"Sorry .. I'm sorry, Yu. Failed to take care of you and our son."

"Why? What's going on?"

"Because your fever is too high, it makes you miscarry."

"Oh Allah .." I cried too. It feels so sad. This child, the child that God placed in my womb for five months. He never got my attention all this time. I even hated his presence and wished he was gone from my life. But when God took it back, my heart was completely broken. "I'm wrong, me!" I screamed hysterically. I really regret my attitude towards her all this time. This child is innocent, nor does he expect to be present with such a situation. But the rice porridge that exists now is only regret.

Juan and I both cried. Without us knowing, we actually both love this baby. We in silence actually both hope to see her born into the world and be able to raise her lovingly. But now he has gone. Although the nurse tried to calm us down by saying that one day I would get a change but still my heart was not calm. This kid will not be the same as my next kid. Moreover, Juan and I are not tied to marriage.