Should We Get Married?

Time to split up

Tok to tok. I knocked on Dad's room door slowly, worried about intruding. Actually, I was hesitant to see Dad tonight because the clock has already shown ten o'clock at night.

Dad usually sleeps faster. At least nine o'clock was asleep because the father had a habit of waking up at two in the morning for evening prayers and teaching.

Crick. The sound of the door opening. It turns out dad hasn't slept. "Dad not slept?" My toot.

"You yourself why haven't you slept? Tomorrow morning you have to leave, the journey of almost ten hours will be very tiring, plus being pregnant. Rest, son." said father.

"Dad, Ayu wants to talk to dad for a second. Can you?" my many.

"Yes, of course. Since when did you forbid your son to talk." We both headed for the living room, the lights that had been extinguished were now back on. "What's up, Yu? Is there something that bogged down your mind?"

I'm shaking.

"Then why?"

"Well, tomorrow Ayu will leave for Jakarta."

"Yes. I know."

"Dad take care of your health."

"You too."

"If there's anything tell Ayu, yes."

"You too."

"Dad ... Don't eat late, if Mbak Tika or mbak Yuni is busy, I buy rice matengan only. Don't eat late!"

"Yes. Don't eat late either."

"Well it will be very sad to hear the news of my father being sick."

"Dad is too."

"Dad!" I can't stand to hold back these tears. Now I'm squandering in dad's arms. This man, although he looked older than his age, was the first man I loved so much. Dad, who always took care of me as best he could. I always try to be devoted to my father even though at the end of reaching the ideals everything must fall apart like now but I never said that he was disappointed in me. Dad always stood in the vanguard to protect me. "Sorry Ayu yes yah!"

"Ju didn't have anything wrong with me."

"The water has disappointed my father. Ayu failed this year's college. But ayu promise will try as much as possible so that next year can enter the faculty of medicine. Ayu will be a doctor, Ayu promise that!"

"Yes son, I believe you are able to catch up with you. You must be strong. Keep trusting God."

For the father, the honor of his daughter was far more important than his life. I will never forgive a man who has so easily infected me. But we had no other choice, I had to forget everything as a condition to start a new life with Bagas. He didn't want me to remember that dark story. He wanted me to just remember him and I agreed to that.

***

Eight o'clock in the morning. Mas Bagas has come to pick up. Indeed after the agreement he asked permission to return to his home, staying overnight before we left for Jakarta. Although our marriage was not sanctioned, Bagas did not want his relationship with his parents to continue to deteriorate. He came home to persuade his father and mother at once parting even though the result was still no blessing we got.

"We're leaving now!" Mas Bagas said, after glancing at the watch in his hand. Both with Yuda mas, he put my bag and suitcase in the trunk of an online taxi car that has been ordered by Bagas. After he finished saying goodbye first, while I was still standing sculpting, it was difficult to say goodbye to my father, mas and mbak.

"Go son." Dad gave me an envelope. He asked me to open it in Jakarta. Don't forget Dad told me not to miss informing them.

These footsteps are so heavy. I hope someone stops. If only it had not been pulled by Bagas mas, maybe I was still standing beside Tika's father and mother.

Just about to get into the car, Arum suddenly came. The boy finally showed up after the incident he was tried by my family.

"Here, please read later." Arum slipped an envelope behind my hood. He covered it up until I put it in a bag.

What's in that envelope? I guessed it was a letter. Why should I send a letter too?

"Yep" Bagas pushed me back slowly into the car, after which he closed it.

I could only wave at my father, Yuda, Tika, Yuni and Arum from behind the window. The car continues to walk to the station. The longer it gets away from my house.

"Remember Yu, we start a new life from now on. Forget everything, never mention it or just remember it again. I've sacrificed a lot for you, so don't betray my sacrifice. Until the baby is born, then we give it to your mas, after that we really become the husband and wife we deserve." Said bagas. He repeated the promise we made shortly after you officially became husband and wife.

He won't touch me until this child is born. After that he will remarry me by state, so that our marriage is legal in the eyes of religion and law.

***

The executive train entered Gambir station. Bagas and I were ready to go down. Mas Bagas brought all my things so that I could take a leisurely stroll. But still, it feels like my body is already so tired on the way. Although riding an upper class train still his body aches, maybe because of the influence of being pregnant.

"Where are we going to live?" finally the question was said as well, considering Bagas mas all this time. It seems unlikely that I will stay there because usually dikos men are forbidden to have women even though we are married.

Mas Bagas did not answer, he just silently stared intently out the window. He who a day ago was so excited when talking to me now became cold, completely different from his usual attitude. But I tried to think positively, maybe he was tired. During the trip earlier, several times I saw he always woke up even though I had slept many times.

He must be very tired. Plus right now I've become his dependant, while his parents don't approve.

Did he think about our living expenses? I'm trying to guess. Maybe that's what made him turn quiet, his parents could no longer finance because Bagas mas still married me. Then, it's natural that he's dizzy. Think about the cost of living and college which of course is not cheap.

I promise, I'll help him find a job. Be a njai teacher, teach tutoring or any odd job I'm ready for! I won't bother him, I'll try to be a good wife and partner for him. Both sides should be happy.