Should We Get Married?

A Burden

Since returning from the Eyang house, I have only spent time in the room. Go out just for bathroom and ablution.

I really lost the spirit of life. It might have been like an undead, just lying with an empty mind in place. Night can not sleep because the nightmare continues to haunt me, especially now in this stomach there is a small creature that is growing. Even so, heavy to sleep even though this body actually needs rest.

Tok. tok. tok. pinta.

"Yes, are you awake?" mbak Yuni came in with a tray of fried rice and warm milk. "Here, eat and drink the milk."

As soon as the tray was placed on the table, the aroma immediately filled my stomach with rumbling. I wanted to vomit, fortunately Yuni swiftly lifted the tray back. He returned it to the kitchen, then came back to see me. "If you don't want to eat fried rice, what do you want to eat? Maybe something is wanted?" ask mbak Yuni.

"Nothing, ma'am." I said, shaking my head because my appetite was gone.

"Try thinking again. Maybe something you treat me want?"

There's none. That's why I shook my head weakly because it felt nauseous again even though I just heard Yuni mention some types of food that I usually like.

"But you have to keep eating, Yu. Pity the baby in your stomach ...."

I stared at Yuni until she fell silent.

"Yu, I'm sorry. Maybe this will make you uncomfortable, but ...."

"Sir, I'm sorry, but Ayu doesn't want to talk about anything."

"But Yu, don't you feel sorry for your own son, he won't ...."

"Mister, help!"

"Yu,"

"Please, I want to be alone!" I put my hands together. I understand that Yuni persuaded him to eat because he cared, but at this time my emotions were unstable so that he could not accept the kindness he gave, instead being annoyed by the offers.

"Yu, pity him, the baby is not wrong." mbak Yuni tried to touch my stomach, but of course immediately I tepis.

"Baby ... Infants ... Infants. No, there's no baby here. I don't want any baby. I still want to go to school, mbak!" that emotion I couldn't stand so I spoke out loud without caring that she was my sister-in-law.

"But Yu,"

"Go, leave me alone!" still with a high voice accompanied by tears that flooded the cheeks.

"Yu, why?" Ma'am Tika entered along with father and mas Yuda. "Well why mbak, kok nangis?" Tika asked Yuni, because I was already crying.

"That's ..." mbak Yuni was nervous.

"Well don't want to have a baby, mom!" I complained like a child to my sister.

"Infant?" mbak Tika frowned.

"What do you say to Ayu?" ask Yuda again

"I just told Ayu to eat, from yesterday she didn't eat anything. It was also when I offered him fried rice and milk that he refused. So I asked him what he wanted to eat. I'm sorry if anything happens to the baby because, "it's not finished yet Yuni spoke, I cut right away.

"No baby, ma'am. There's nothing!" I said firmly. "Mas, please bring Yuni from here, Ayu does not want to talk to Yuni. I don't like it!" I said to Yuda.

"Yu, calm down first" Tika hugged me.

"I don't mean anything, I just want to help Ayu and the baby. I don't want them to do anything. Even if Ayu doesn't want the baby to be okay, I'm ready to take care of her. Perhaps the baby is God's answer to our prayers." Yuni's mother shed tears.

"Yun," Yuda was confused. One side he did not have the heart of me, on the other he also pity his wife. Mas Yuda knew his wife's good intentions.

"What's wrong with keeping the baby. It's not wrong anything. His father is guilty. So don't punish the baby." Yuni added.

"Oh, we'll talk later." Mas Yuda guided Yuni's hands out of the room followed by the father. Leaving me both with Mbak Tika.

"Well don't want this child" I said, still hysterical like a child even though now his speech was no longer shouting.

"Then?" ask me Tika.

"Mom,"

"Yu, God chose you to be his mother, there must be a silver lining. Don't deny that. Do not follow sin by denying its existence. Try to imagine, how it feels to be him, but not expected his presence. If his father had refused, he might have been able to stand it, but if his mother had done the same, wouldn't he be sad?"

"But ... Ayu's not ready. Anyway what about," I can't go on. Again, only to be damned, why should I? Because of that incident I became a person who did not have a heart.

"It has. You calm yourself first. Yuni didn't mean anything, he just wanted to help you so you wouldn't get sick. Next time speak calmly. We're both beaten here, Yu. But we also have to learn. If all we ruin, there is even a loss. It can't be, it's tormented."

If it were that easy, I would also like to calmly face it all. But ....

I bit my lips so hard it was salty. What else am I supposed to do now? How to be sincere while everything is messy.

I realize I haven't been a really good human being, but all this time, I've been trying to be a good boy. Never once have I denied my father, as much as possible I have always tried to be filial to the man who raised me after my mother's departure. To others I try to be always good. No one was hurt by my attitude or words. But why did God test me in such a way that I wasn't sure I could endure.

Although my life is not perfect, but with what I have got before it is more than enough. Always be a class champion since elementary school until successfully getting a scholarship at the medical faculty of a famous university in Jakarta.

But sadly, all those dreams have to end. Now, I was forcibly awakened in heartbreaking conditions. I who have always cared for myself must now lose the precious crown at a young age plus there is a baby living in my womb. This young man I will be a mother. Suddenly a smile fell on my lips. Mammy? Being the mother of a boy who ruined my life. It's really a nightmare that I wish I could wake up from.