Should We Get Married?

The Truth That Is Not Always Beautiful

The smile on her lips suddenly disappeared. I felt my face so hot to hear it. Wanting not to believe everything but Juan could present the evidence. Juan showed proof of payment made by his parents to Bagas.

Two billion rupiahs. A very large nominal is given to Bagas. Now I understand why he could buy this house and this car. Turns out this is the answer.

I smiled widely, quickly hiding the disappointment that felt like it hit my heart so that it made a wound. It hurts so bad.

I guess Bagas married me because he loved me, as he revealed when he was in High School. It was that feeling that made him willing to sacrifice for me to accompany me to cover up this disgrace. But what was on my mind was wrong. He did it not because of me, but because of money. I immediately smiled, actually wanting to laugh at myself, who was overconfident. Hey, special are you Ayu Andara Nessa? You are now just a woman covered in sin. You're pregnant out of wedlock, victim of perko----.

But Juan couldn't figure out this disappointment, so I wrapped it up with a smile. Just tell him I know and I'm fine. In fact, I am happy with what Bagas did. I also enjoyed the results.

"I already know everything. Then, is there something I don't know yet. Something really secret that if I knew it could make our relationship crack? No one? If it's not there, too bad, your efforts failed Juan!" I said.

"Yu," he looked at me with a look I couldn't understand. Either pity or disappointment. Ahh I hope he is disappointed because his efforts failed so he decided not to care about us anymore. "You know, I'll always be there for you. Waiting until your heart forgives me. I'm ...."

"Don't dream Juan. I'm happy with Bagas. She's my first and last love." I said with a loud voice.

"Please take care of our son."

His words made me look at him sharply. I think I want to hit him in the face, beat him as much as I can. He, he ruined my life. I don't know what my fault is. Now even leave a trust that makes me angry. So caring!

"Sorry," he took a few steps back. "Yu, I promise I'll try to protect you." he climbed on top of his car, then passed by letting me stand by.

Protecting? The only person who hurt me until it felt like my life was ruined was him. But with confidence he said he would take care of me. Take care of himself? Basic villain!

"You really don't know yourself, Juan. You're hoodlums. Wicked!" I cursed him with mounting anger. While both of my hands clasped tightly onto the broomstick to vent my emotions.

"Mak Ayu is okay?" bi Supi follows when Juan's car is gone from sight. "Who was that, ma'am?" The question I ignored, I returned home in a hurry.

***

Today it feels very painful. Waiting for the return of Bagas like waiting for rain in the dry season. The seconds that passed felt so slow. Several times I sent him a message, asking what time he came back, but there was not a single message he replied to. Not even read.

Eleven o'clock in the evening, he came home. His face was very tangled, indicating he was so tired. When she saw me waiting for her in the living room, she was shocked.

"I told you, no need to wait for me. You just sleep." He was about to pass into his room.

"I'm waiting because there's something I want to talk about." I said.

"Tomorrow. Now I'm so fucking."

"Tomorrow, Yu."

"Mas married me for Juan's parents, right?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I know everything."

"What?"

"Mas ..why didn't you be honest from the start. Why you should do it. I'm really disappointed,"

"Who said it?"

"So right, right?"

"What Juan? You're in communication with him? Or maybe when I'm gone you guys meet? Da? Didn't you promise, Yu. You will no longer be in contact with him. You reneged on a promise you made yourself!" now Bagas raised his tone.

"That's not the point. I didn't break my promise anyway. I still hold it to this day. I just want to hear your explanation of all the truths. Why did you do it? Is money more valuable than me? It means you don't love me!'

"Love love love. You think life just needs love. To live also need money Yu. Be realistic. Don't be so naive. Yes, it is true that I accepted Juan's parents' offer to marry you and in return they gave me money. Then why? You mind?"

"Oh Allah ..." I took a few steps back. The hope that I had built that would build a safe household with him immediately disappeared. I'm really sick. My heart was instantly broken. I was heartbroken for the first time. "Your work, mas." I said, with tears in my eyes.

"What do you expect? Yu, come to your senses, you're pregnant with Juan's son. While you already know how Juan is in my life. It was my toughest. Where do I want to receive his ex plus there is his son too. If it wasn't for the money, I wouldn't!" firmly, Bagas, then he passed away leaving me alone.

My world was completely destroyed by the reality mentioned by Bagas. Even if it's the truth but it still hurts because I've put my hope in him.

I guess we can build a house later. I thought it was the help God sent to save me from this disgrace. But it turns out he was just someone who did it all because of money.

Is there no love for him? It doesn't mean I'm for her. If that's true what else am I here for? Why else would I stay in the house he bought from marrying me.

In the silence of the night, I packed all my clothes into my suitcase. Slowly I left Bagas' house without a clear purpose. I kept walking, splitting the silence of the night, walking down the streets of Jakarta.

At a time like this I really can't think straight. I can't be on Bagas' side because now I know the fact that he doesn't love me. He only did it for money. Returning to my hometown is also impossible. I don't want to add to the burden of Dad, Yuda and Tika. They have been made too much by the calamity that has befallen me. Now might be the time to get away from their lives. Either one day it will come back to them or it will not be to them again.