Should We Get Married?

Why Come Now?

I don't know how many people have come to visit but there is no one I have met because I don't have the courage to meet people I know even though it's my three best friends. Today alone, they came back for the umpteenth time but still I refused. I think it's better alone for now. I am still very embarrassed by the incident that happened to me, especially now plus there is a baby candidate who is in my stomach. This stain on me makes me feel unworthy to meet anyone. Even just talking. I'm dirty, full of stains!

I actually miss meeting them so much. Three friends and classmates. Especially now that they are preparing to continue their education to a higher level. Maybe now is a very good time to get together because he said, if we have gone to college, we will be busy with campus affairs and forget high school friends will be forgotten as time goes by, replaced with new friends. Especially if you are wandering.

Yesterday was graduation day. Friends must be happy. I can imagine how excited they all were when Ms. Hilsa told me that everything passed. Now, I imagine a smile on their faces so unconsciously I also smile.

"Yu," Tika broke my daydream.

"Sir, just ngagetin." I said.

"You're daydreaming again? Think what? How are you smiling?"

"Cock it."

"No, just curious. What could make this little sister smile again after more than a month of her smile gone."

"No, no,"

"Iihhhh is not cool, the secret playtime of all."

"Ju again huddled with Ayu's friends. As always, everything is uproar with each other's stories."

"O, you miss them? Then why not meet them? Or, should you call Bianca to bring your friends here?"

"No, no. Don't mbak. Ayu doesn't want to meet them. Ayu's embarrassed."

"You don't have to be ashamed, you didn't make a mistake. The culprit was relaxed, should the victim be stoic, face everything bravely!" Ma'am Tika hugged me tightly as if she was encouraging me. "Oh yeah, I forgot. In front of you, there's a guest who wants to see you."

"Who's mbak?'

"Look at yourself,"

"Sir, Ayu said, I don't want to see anyone first. Shame on, madam. Ayu is not the same as Ayu. Now this Ayu is someone stained, Ayu ...."

"Yu, don't feel inferior like that. No one thinks so. We all always assumed that you were the old Ayu. So you have to get up and prove that you can get through this."

I'm silent, I don't know, it's impossible to be the old Ayu anymore. Especially after having a baby in my stomach.

"Have, don't be sad let alone discouraged. There is someone waiting for you."

"That's not your friend, really."

"Then who, brother?"

"Look at yourself."

Because Tika continued to force, I finally forced myself to get out of bed. After wearing the veil, I immediately followed Tika towards our very simple living room.

Entering the living room, I who was initially lazy was surprised to find a guest who was now sitting on a chair facing me. For a moment we looked at each other, then both lowered their heads.

My heart immediately skipped a beat, it felt like a cold hot body. Him, why is he here? Ahhh, I should have asked Tika first, who came to see.

That man is Bagas. He's my upperclassman at High School, we were both spiritual stewards. It was a year above me. After graduating High School, he first attended UI, law school. Actually not without reason he chose to continue his education there, but because he asked me first. Yes, although we do not talk much, only communicate for important things because we are very caring for the association, but we both agree to continue education in the capital.

Mas Bagas and I never declared ourselves as lovers, but in silence we both hoped to be a match. It all started from the jokes of Bagas parents with the father who said he wanted to make me their son-in-law. That joke to us is a binder. Unbeknownst to our parents, we agreed that after we graduated from college and worked, we would get married. Until then, we will take care of each other.

Considering all that my body immediately limp. My heart cannot be hardened even if it is only pretending because all hope is now gone. I will never be with him again because I am stained. This is totally unfair.

"Sir, Ayu wants to go inside" I said. I don't feel like I can talk to him. It seemed impossible that he did not know the disaster that happened to me because a few days after the incident, his parents once came swiping, to strengthen the heart of the father who was completely destroyed at that time.

"Yes!" he called me while sitting down from the bench. "Can you talk for a second?" ask her in a soft voice.

"No, I don't want to!" I said. What more can be expected of a woman who has been stained? I am not the old me. I am now full of shameful stains.

"Yu," Tika immediately grabbed my arm before I left. "Speak with Bagas. He's come all the way from Jakarta just to meet you."

Actually very eager to meet and talk with Bagas mas. Almost a year I've never seen it, it feels like this miss is so big. I can only say his name in my prayer without being able to dare to tell anyone about this longing that I keep. But now he's here, unfortunately, he's coming at the wrong time. It was too late, too late.

"Give me a chance to talk for a second, Yu. After that it's up to you, if you don't want to see me again, I won't force you" he said.

"Yu, speak. You know you really want to meet Bagas, right? You don't have to be ashamed, Bagas already knows everything. That's why he deliberately went home to meet you." Said mbak Tika.

"Ba .. well if you want to talk. But Tika's sister is with Ayu." My love for Tika answered with a nod.

Ma'am Tika guided my hand towards the chair. Now we sit facing. Only a few meters away. Even so, I did not dare to raise my face because I was afraid that I would see it, my heart would be more broken because I knew it would be impossible to unite with him in this condition.