LOVE THE SINNER GIRL

GATHERINGS

"You can." Lucas once again gave me a reassuring smile. I nodded my head and smiled. It's time.

As I headed to a cafe, my hands clutched my chest. I can feel my heartbeat. I know I'm ready but still, I feel uncomfortable. I have concerns, it's inevitable. I've been avoiding him for a while, I agreed when he called me to convey his intention to bring Haru to introduce Leo, Ruby, and Ketrin, but I haven't met him in person. But today I am ready to accept his anger, I understandably. What I did was unacceptable. And I admit it.

I can recognize him from far away. His back is facing towards me. My heart rate started to panic more and more, and it hurt. I don't know how he knew where I was. I stood behind him, feeling more anxious than before. But perhaps, he felt someone standing behind him so he looked back.

Our eyes meet again after six long years. He hasn't changed at all. She's still the same as I met her six years ago. He stood up and pulled the chair in his chair. "Hi, I've ordered a glass of juice for you. I hope you don't mind."

It took me a while before I could finally walk and sit down. It felt as if my breath and words were stuck in my throat.

"How are you?" His voice was deeper than the last time I heard. Maybe because of his age.

I'm trying to smile. I'm saying. Very assertive. "I'm doing fine. Daniel …"

"Jen, I mean you're worried, but I'm not mad at you at all. It's all over. Don't give back the past."

Jenny looked into Daniel's eyes, gulped in doubt, Jenny twitched her head. "It's not okay yet. We, or maybe I can only continue if we admit our mistakes. And I'm sure I owe you an apology. I know my apology is not enough but I'm really sorry.

It would be hypocrisy if I would just sit in front of you and smile as if nothing had happened. I defended my best friend Lucas for a reason but I realized I was wrong when children were also victims. You may think I'm just using you, yes, I admit it, but I do care about you. I'm sure to talk about it because I'm sure about how and how I felt six years ago when I saw you and Leo. Sorry I was too blind back then to see your sincerity, I was too obsessed with my grudge and Ruby. I wanted to abort my womb at the time because I knew it wasn't Ruby's baby, but I'm so sorry, it was my single biggest regret of a lifetime. I'm too embarrassed to tell you about my pregnancy either, considering how bad you know me. I'm afraid you won't admit it.

But it's all over now. And it's impossible for me and you to enjoy the present or face the future if there's something troubling us about the past. Of course, we can't return it to fix it, and I don't want to ruin my future and yours for it. How can we proceed if something still bothers us?

We have a child and I'm glad you're willing to accept it. I used to plan on sending her for adoption but I changed my mind as soon as I hugged her when she was born. I'm sorry to think about that.

He is the reason why I am here now. He gave me hope that everything would be fine. He gave me the courage to heal and to be strong. I know I wasted five years of your rights as a father, but know that I never once wanted him to hate you. Of course he should know how great his father was. She always misses you, she can't wait to tell her friends about you. He must have been happy and very happy when he first saw you.

Daniel, I will never withhold your rights as a father. I want him to know you and you know him. We can talk about joint custody right away. Please convey my apology to your son, who has been hurt because of what I did."

Daniel's eyes glazed over. I didn't even realize that I was crying, either. But my heart is lighter now. Really, a really good feeling to finally be able to apologize to the people I hurt.

Daniel looked at the table then came back to me before smiling, "First, you should know that you don't have to apologize to me, because I've never been mad at you. To be honest the day you met me, I wish you would hold me back, I want you to prevent me from leaving. But my heart broke when you said you were still waiting for Ruby. That day I shouldn't have left, I should have been more patiently waiting for you. When the first day I met Haru, I was really very angry with myself, I should have been in your worst moments, I should have been in the first second my daughter was born into the world. I should have been the first to greet my daughter, I'm really sorry.

I swear I never got angry or hated you when I realized you were taking advantage of my and Leo's position to take revenge on Ruby. I should have been angry, right, but I really couldn't. Five months ago, I engaged a doctor who had been a Leo psychologist for many years, when I saw how close and patient she was to Leo I intended to marry her. But not knowing why, no matter how good or beautiful she was, I felt that there was something empty in my heart, I did not feel happy. Then I tried to talk to Ruby, and she advised me that getting married or staying in a marriage for the sake of a child was a bad decision, because in the end we would hurt the child.

I called off my engagement, I don't want to regret it in the end. I tried to ask myself what I was still looking for in this world, and then I realized I loved you. I care about you. And that's the truth.

I have to admit, I was so frustrated that I didn't see my son grow up. But like you said, we can't bring back the past. We cannot move on if we continue to bring back the past that we cannot change. The important thing is now, to make up for our lost time and make sure the future will be brighter for our daughter."

I wiped my tears. It's endless. This is not how I imagined our first meeting. I thought he would yell at me and would let out all his anger. But what I heard was something I didn't expect, I didn't understand why he said it, why does he care about me? Why does he love me?